Who is right here, her or myself?

I’ll try to keep it short cause the messages are long. (Yes I feel comfortable sharing this, because I want perspective)

So I was in a relationship with this girl for almost 4 months. We “broke up” but the following day she decided to “talk” so we made up and things where going smoothly. Until today.

Just a bit of back story. She lives with her sister and brother n law on the weekdays and with her mom and dad on the weekends. I always had a feeling that her brother n law had a thing for her given several signs. I even asked her and she partially admitted that my assumption was true. Anyways the first time I went to her sister’s house. The brother n law was there and he didn’t even say hello. Me personally, how I’ve been raised... that is not how you treat a guest. Especially when it’s the first time you meet them. My now ex claimed that he didn’t say hi because he was on the phone but I call bullshit cause it doesn’t take much time to tell the person to hang on, then greet the person and go back to the phone call.

Anyways after that I never felt welcomed at the house so I never came to the door. And apparently they talked a lot of shit cause of that.

Flash forward and we got in a pretty serious argument. In which I did some immature shit (yes I did apologize) we made up. But her brother n law was talking mad shit about me. And was also telling everyone and their grandma about me. To the point where her siblings began to know what happened. And it pissed me off that he did that. Because well I found of from her that he isn’t perfect. He cheats on his wife.

Anyways I’ll put up some of our final conversations and you guys n girls can choose to read it or not. But I just want some perspective. Am I the one that is right here?Who is right here, her or myself?Who is right here, her or myself?Who is right here, her or myself?Who is right here, her or myself?Who is right here, her or myself?Who is right here, her or myself?Who is right here, her or myself?Who is right here, her or myself?Who is right here, her or myself?Who is right here, her or myself?

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Most Helpful Girls

  • I feel that with the time span that the both of you have been together, you've both jumped into things too deep with high expectations that the relationship would soar smoothly.

    So her family isn't what you'd expect to be as a "polite and inviting one", everyone is raised differently. I personally wouldn't have taken such high offense towards them not greeting me, but taken more of a lead in showcasing myself in a better manner that I am someone who has taken an intrest in Marie and hope that in time they'll warm up to me as they see more of me. Especially with her mom and dad, what dad is truly comfortable with their daughter dating a new guy?

    No family is perfect and though a family member may be in the wrong of a situation, I'm not one to judge and pinpoint/tear apart a family member who I dislike. So I somewhat get why Marie defends Joey and her sister, as it seems she's one who puts family first. Though first impression of them was sour, I would have reminded myself that ultimately I am intrested in the person whom I'm dating, not their family... they're secondary.

    However, where I would have drawn the line is when Joey began to gossip and just expose crap. However, taken into consideration how first impressions were rocky, I somewhat see why he would open his mouth. But I do get why you'd be hurt that your girl didn't defend you as Joey ran his mouth. The guy seems like one heck of a case, down the road I'd get how he'd be an annoyance to tolerate. So perhaps it was all for the better that you called things off. Don't look into the past in thinking long and hard about all the heated situations. Go do you for awhile and find yourself a more grounded girl with less drama.

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    • I can totally see where you’re coming from. But that’s the thing, this guy is not her dad or even blood brother. He’s her brother n law. So there really shouldn’t be a reason why he should be behaving this way. That would be the same way as if I was super defensive and basically territorial over a sister of a girl I’m dating when she is seeing a guy

    • Hence me saying that although your focus should have been just between Marie and yourself... to tolerate a dysfunctional brother in law who runs his mouth and without you having a girl who would speak out for you is problematic.

      I would have avoided meeting the sister and brother in law, and would have focused on the parents first to establish that good family foundation in having them see you as an eligible guy.

  • I think the lesson of this story is that just because someone is bad to do you does not mean that you should behave like them, especially not in the first chance.

    Just because the family wasn't welcoming, that shouldn't have been taken too seriously because you should care about what goes on between you and your girlfriend the most. It's about doing the little things to make her happy. However, you didn't also give them the reason to like you. You didn't try to prove yourself them. You just disliked them since the first impression. So that's why you argued, it seems like you broke up because of other people.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I read these texts, You care more about what other people say and how they act then your girl! How could you put her through this kind of torture? Even if this guy has the hots for her - She can't control his feelings for her. You should be willing to deal with the people around her and be nice regardless of what you think - For her! A woman -- ANY WOMAN is more important than the people around her. - Now if she is your girlfriend, SHE should be the most important person to you - Even if you are crazy mad at her for failing you in any way. I was reading expecting to read that your girlfriend did something wrong - she didn't. You were more focused on this Joey person. If everyone around your girlfriend treats you like shit, that means nothing --- The only thing that matters is how your girlfriend treats you when the two of you are together. I respect your feelings, your beliefs, but when you have a girlfriend, she comes first over anyone. You walk her to a house --- FOR HER SAFETY. Because it is the correct thing for a man to do for his girlfriend. That says more about you. People may hate you for whatever reason - But they can still respect you as a man, and even if they don't - Your girlfriend will, and will feel cared about from you. You need to go to this girl and apologize to her and even if she slams the door in your face because she is so hurt by how you have treated her, You tell yourself that you deserved that - much more really. You may have certain core beliefs, but never care more about what people say or how they treat you over any girlfriend you ever have. I am not mad at what you have done to your girlfriend here, just deeply saddened for both of you. Especially her. she did nothing to deserve your hate. Maybe the people around her --- But not her. SHE is/was the most important person to you here, -- SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN! Please go to her and say you are sorry. Do this each day until she listens to you. She may not want you back. You may feel you do not want her as a girlfriend anymore. But you were so wrong to her. As a man, you need to let her know that you made her life a living hell and you were wrong - 100% wrong to her. Again, she was the important person to you - NOT anyone else. Perspective here is that you were wrong to her, and you hurt her feelings deeply! Please try and let her know that you mistreated her and you are sorry for treating her wrong.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 9

  • You guys have only been together for 4 months? It's not worth all this trouble. I would try to move on. I know it will be hard but if you stay strong you'll pull through.

    I think you are both in the wrong. I get your point and I would feel exactly the same way. However I don't see any joy in this relationship especially with the fighting and the weird Joey relationship.

    It honestly doesn't seem worth it to me. But I get her in some way. She's just sticking up for her family, you can't expect her to diss her family for you. Picture her sister is drowning and you are drowning. Who do you think she's going to save? Definitely not you.

    So you can't expect her to take your side when it involves her family even if she's wrong. It's a loyalty thing but not a moral thing. You could be the same way.

    I feel like you are putting too much on this relationship. It's only 4 months, you aren't married, she doesn't have your kid, you don't live together. It's not serious.

    I think it's really weird that you guys are dropping the L bomb already. Sounds like you guys jumped the gun in this relationship. Slow your roll you don't need to do everything all at once in a relationship.

    I think you both are too immature to handle each other and the relationship. I think it got serious too quick, along with all the drama, it just soured everything for you two and the mistakes you did to each other. I also think you guys aren't right for each other.

    It's a good thing you didn't get in too deep with her where you would be stuck. Her family sounds so dysfunctional, any guy she meets (I'm telling you) will leave. No one wants to be a part of that weird shit and especially the Joey shit.

    You broke it off, which was impulsive, which you might maybe regret because you didn't allow yourself to fully process those actions but it is definitely the best and healthiest move for yourself. You may not see it now, but that girl is just trouble for you. After you are single for a while you'll be glad you stayed gone.

    Looking back on all the bad shit that's happened so far with her, why would you want that to work out? You don't want her or a Joey in your life. You want a normal girl with a family not as messed up as hers (everyone's family is not perfect) and you want to be happy.

    Not having your words fall on deaf ears while she turns a semi blind eye to her creepy brother in law. Move on from that train wreck and find yourself a normal, loving girl.
    I wish you the best.

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  • I don't know. On one hand I can understand that you're pissed you didn't get greated properly on the other hand I feel like you blew it way out of proportion. What would really have pissed me off and been a deal breaker for me is that they gossiped about you. That's behavior that I wouldn't want to tolerate.

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  • You are. You got mad because someone decided to walk around. In thier own house. Its entitled to think they owe you. You got mad because someone wasn't raised the same way you were. You completely flipped out and went way too far. You disrespected her and her family way more than someone not saying hi

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    • You read this, as did I. i was so saddened because he was more concerned by the actions of the people around his girlfriend then his girlfriend's feelings.

  • So this is more about how you think he has it out for you? And he's showing signs that he has the hots for your girlfriend... Right?

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    • Pretty much that he caused problems with her family. I get that what I did to her was fucked up. But that shit was supposed to stay between herself and I. Not for him to go around telling others, which in turn is making all his family members hate me. But I also bet that the story he is telling them isn’t the full story. He only tells them what I did wrong in that moment and not what she did wrong. So of course it’s gonna make me look even more bad

    • Ooooohh ok then you're in the right.

    • Yah. Don’t get me wrong I do see her points. But I just do not think her stupid ass brother n law has the right to go around telling people our personal bullshit. He wouldn’t like it if I went around telling people what he does to his wife

  • This whole situation is weird, why does she need to stay with her sister on the weekends? Also the bother in law is clearly acting ridiculous.

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    • No she stays with her sister the majority of the week. Monday-Friday then with her parents Friday night- Sunday

    • Oh i guess i miss read that, I think if she put the brother in law in his place then there wouldn't be an issue. If I was her I'd have told him off for being rude and tell him next to change up his attitude. I also find it odd that he was the one talking shit, I'd expect that more from the sister (not saying it's right but you know it's natural for sisters to stick up for one another)

  • Second opinion I'm saying this,
    Fuck 'em all.

    There's no right or wrong... her family was the big problem. This made you so fucking angry, you sound like me when I get pissed. What was your zodiac sign again? What's hers?

    This is getting toxic af. You know how much I hate when people do this and don't respond to me. This reminds me of my one acquaintance. Seriously, you don't need this anxiety. Even reading it is nauseating!

    Hate always bringing him up... BUT he doesn't come to the door because he doesn't feel comfortable and I don't make him do that. I understand that YOU would go to the door but didn't feel welcome. You shouldn't have felt obligated to, regardless.

    You're going to be okay. I had some shit show just happen at work if you wanna vent, we can vent together, message me mannnng.

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  • From what I read it seems like both ways were wrong. But you were right about that. I sure as hell wouldn’t feel welcomed if I wasn’t greeted properly. She’s just making excuses for his behavior. I mean I get if that’s just how a person is but she should at least talk to him like hey that wasn’t cool can you try again and be more polite?
    And yeah the dude seems like a weirdo. It’s none of his damn business.
    Also yeah first impressions aren’t always the best. Kind of like how you expect someone to be greeted n such and some people might not be like that. Maybe giving a chance like oh u know what if that’s how he was I hope next time can be better. Kind of like giving it a second chance impression. But it seems like she’s just kind of being selfish and only saying me me me my situation rather then understanding more towards your perspective.
    I hope I made sense 😪

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  • We just had Venus retrograde. Now mercury is retrograde. Lmfao... you guys will get back together. its ok.

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  • You are right

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    • Don’t get me wrong I see where she is right. But my concern is that she doesn’t even see where I’m coming from

What Guys Said 4

  • Could't be bothered to read after the first line, but man grow a fuck'n pair, acting super beta, its good you confronted her, but to kiss her ass at the same time she's dissrepecting you, drop this bitch in a instant and dont look back, cause she's 100% fuckin joey and your playing her game, fuck this thot #MGTOW

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  • I think you blew it out of proportion and once it was pushed , it became bad blood. Now why does it matter? You are no longer with her.

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    • It matters to him because he has a conscience, I agree with you that he blew it out of proportion, But everyone is missing the point- all these other people were not this guys girlfriend - Why should he care more about them then his girlfriend? Her feelings should come over the people around her. - How she treats this guy is more important. How he treated her or any girlfriend he will ever have - No one really did anything wrong ( The boyfriend and girlfriend only. ) I think/ hope he realizes that he was in the wrong and just needs some encouragement to go to her and tell her - no matter what happens. I must apologize, but your words seemed logical and true. I just felt compelled to write you when I read " Now why does it matter? You are no longer with her. This girl matters. Her feelings matter.

  • Isn't the girl always right though?

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  • Doesn’t matter it’s over move on

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