Is what my boyfriend suggesting reasonable?

So I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years
I've always had trust issues with men ever since my ex boyfriend cheated
So I'm still having trust issues till this day
Especially over social media

Me and my boyfriend got into an argument
He always upload pictures of us and he's always bringing me around his family
And he uploads a picture of us on his profile picture
But then few days ago, I noticed that he hid one of our pictures (which he uploaded as his profile picture)
And I confronted him and asked if he hid it because of another girl?
And he said "I have that picture as my profile picture, that's why I removed it? Why is it a big deal? If I was to cheat, wouldn't I have removed our profile picture?"
And then I apologized for overreacting

And then few hours later, he got mad at me about it and said "I'm really upset and angry, I need to think about our relationship for few days"
And then he called me after 2 days.. to meet up with me

We talked and he said:
"Look, I've had enough of your trust issues. I've been patient with you for 2 years and you still dont trust me. Social media is a big thing for you. I think we need to slow it down. I need you trust me. Im going to test you. Im going to either deactivate my social media or Im going to remove all our pictures from social media. Either that or we're not going to work out because that means you're not going to ever trust me. Social media shouldn't dictate our relationship. Its all about our actual real interactions with each other. I've made so much effort trying to earn your trust by introducing you to my whole family and putting pictures of us on social media but you're still insecure. So I'm forced to do this so you can learn to trust me this time to make it work"

I didn't want to lose him so I agreed to removing all our pictures on social media
He still has some of our pictures on his facebook though :\ but he deleted all our pictures on his instagram

Do you guys think he's being reasonable though?
  • Yes
    Vote A
  • Not really
    Vote B
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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Listen mate, I think its a Bit of both. I understand that maybe your actions toward him were a bit extreme, and thats where his extreme actions are coming from now. But ultimatums like the one where he gave you are rarely ever reasonable... forcing someone to choose between this or that usually fall in the unreasonable category.

    Now I know it's been a battle for 2 years, but he should try to understand that when someone gives there heart away to someone and that person cheats on them, its not ever really something that drops or gets forgotten. you should be allowed some mistakes as you try to process dealing and being in a relationship again. Trust is a tough thing to give and to lose.

    Honestly though you too, just need another sit down about the whole thing and see if you can't find some middle ground, like maybe he give you more access, or let you in on his decisions on social media for a bit, like why he's removing something or adding something I don't know.

    hope it works out though :)

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  • Yeah he certainly gets props for dealing with your shit for 2 years.

    If a facebook picture is that important to you, you've got your priorities messed up.

    If I were him I'd be long gone and I'd find someone who would respect me

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    • 4d

      I know.. he was about to leave me for it.
      I realized i made a mistake so asked for another chance..

    • 4d

      So u think he's being reasonable?

    • 4d

      He's being far more patient that he needs to be. You should be much more grateful that he's chosen to stay with you.

  • I'd say he's being reasonable. That was a tiny thing to blow up over when he still had you in his profile picture and all of those other pictures of you and him.

    I've been cheated on myself so I can understand being insecure about this stuff, but I've also been the guy where the girl is overly insecure and giving me shit for no reason because she's been cheated on and is insecure.

    When a guy has been with you for that long, has persisted with you even though you have this huge insecurity and done all he can to earn your trust, then you blow up on him over nothing, it's like a kick in the teeth for him.

    It makes him feel like he's constantly being looked at with suspicion, constantly treading on eggshells. That's a horrible feeling especially when you've done nothing wrong.

    You really have to learn to get over this and to trust him because it sounds like he's gonna leave the next time you do blow up.

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    • 4d

      I know.. he was about to leave me for it.
      I realized i made a mistake so asked for another chance..
      This time im gonna try and trust him more and work on my issues

      But him giving me another chance.. does that mean he actually does want to be with me?/love me?

    • 4d

      Yes. It takes a lot to stay with someone when they're that insecure. Because in that situation you feel like you're giving yourself entirely to the relationship and the other person is putting up barriers and pushing you away. That's why this was so upsetting to him that it almost ended the relationship. Ask yourself how you'd deal with someone who was constantly accusing you of things you'd never done, when all you've done is be good to them? Why would you stay and put up with that unless you loved them?

What Girls Said 1

  • Yes. It's extremely draining, tiring and not to mention toxic if one has to constantly reassure the other party in a relationship the need to trust him/her. Pointless to be together if distrust and suspicion are always walking side by side.

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    • 4d

      I know.. he was about to leave me for it.
      I realized i made a mistake so asked for another chance..
      This time im gonna try and trust him more and work on my issues

      But him giving me another chance.. does that mean he actually does want to be with me?/love me?

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