Guys, is it a turn off if your girlfriend wants you to make more money so she can be a housewife?

Been seeing this guy for a little while and things are going well and I'm serious about marriage as an end goal. I really want to be a housewife. I think I have all the essential traits - amazing cook, enjoy cleaning and organizing, I like designing spaces (artsy), and I'm ultra feminine, nurturing, submissive but assertive, responsible and rational, love to take care of my man, love sex and I'm a bit of freak, I'm great with kids and can't wait to be a mother. I enjoy my work too but I would easily trade in career to be a wife and mother, as long as he is a good leader.

But I want to stay in my current location and its not the cheapest place to live. Do you think its too much to encourage the guy I end up with to find a higher paying job if he isn't already there yet? Not in a nagging way but just to share the kind of life I think we could have when that conversation is appropriate

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What Guys Said 11

  • It looks like you've gotten mostly negative comments so far, but I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. I think how you approach it is important though. I think it would be much better to present it as "I'd really like to be a housewife but I'm not sure we can afford for me to do that" and then hopefully during the discussion he'll offer to look for a higher paying job rather than you pushing him to change jobs.

    I think I'd be resentful if I was pushed to change from a job I liked to one I might not like so I think it's important for him to buy into the idea rather than being pushed into it.

    When my ex-wife and I got married, we discussed what we'd do after having children. She wanted to be a stay at home mom/housewife and I was OK with that, but was concerned about whether my income would be enough to support a family. The way we handled it was that we both worked for a few years after marriage and saved as much as we could (which meant cutting back on some spending). After our children were born, she did quit her job and we were able to make it financially by keeping expenses down. I was fine with her being a stay-at-home mom/housewife, though as someone else mentioned it did later hurt me in the divorce settlement.

    Perhaps you can try that approach. Discuss with him your desire and your concern about money and work together on how to make it happen. Maybe that means you work more or get a higher paying job now and cut back on expenses where possible so you can save up some money to help once you stop working. Maybe he'll be willing to get a higher paying job (if he can). Maybe you can find a part time job after you have children (like caring for a neighbor's child or maybe cleaning someone else's house) that will allow you to do the things you like but still make some money.

    What's right in your case will depend on the two of you and what you're willing and able to do, but I think it's important to make it a joint decision and not push him into something he doesn't want because that's likely to cause relationship problems.

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  • You should only encourage mutual or individual goals and dreams. If your guy is content with his job and doesn't want another job then no, don't encourage him to change. However if he has financial goals and/or doesn't like his current job and dreams of something better then by all means encourage him to change. If you encourage him to do something that hasn't already been voiced as a goal or want then it will come off as either nagging or being pushy and you don't want to do that. If you only want him to earn more money to accomplish you individual goals in life that isn't fair either, as if he is content he shouldn't have to change just to make you happy.

    Be sure to sit down with him and talk about your future. Determine a few goals you can share as a couple and see financially what it would take to achieve them. One example could be putting your kids through college and paying for it. Certainly that goal would require lots of financial planning and may require him to upgrade his current salary. If it's a mutual goal then he will be motivated to make it happen. If it's not mutual then he will feel trapped and pressured, not healthy feelings in a good relationship.

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    • 3d

      Being a homemaker is important to me, so I guess I may have to find someone more compatible if he's not into it, but it would suck. If that happens, do you think its okay to bring this up early in dating to see if its worth continuing to get to know him?

    • 3d

      Rules about dating tend to be flexible depending on the two people and other factors. You can find other ways of knowing this information by learning about the guy and how he was raised, learning about his passions and what makes him happy, and listening if he talks about his future and dreams. I wouldn't encourage you to bring up the desire to be a housewife too early on in dating because it implies you are already considering marriage and that may cause some men to back away. Once you have introduced the topic of marriage or at least have mutually decided to commit to a long-term exclusive relationship I would say you should feel comfortable broaching the topic. Also remember that as we grow up and mature our goals change over time, so it's possible your strong desire to be a homemaker may evolve into other goals or you may gain a desire to have a career as well. Lots of people work from home and therefore they can care for the home and children while still generating an income.

  • For a man this shouldn't be an issue. A man should step up to the plate without being asked and work more if there's a kid in the pic. It's the best for the kid if someone is around most of the time.

    Adjust your budget and find someplace cheaper to live and you'll be find.

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    • 4d

      I wouldn't be open to moving, so thats where the income issue comes in, unfortunately.

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    • 3d

      thats a great point actually! there are a lot of ways to add income without working full time or out of the home. And I have experience I could build on to do other kinds of work.

      I definitely wouldn't mind doing an at-home job for a couple hours to help out.

    • 3d

      Like I said, been there done that. Look outside the box. My ex used to shop Salvation Army for stuff to resell. We cleared out the kids clothes as they outgrew them. eBay is one example.

      You mentioned being an artist. My ex is a photographer and currently sells her stuff on Etsy. One of my businesses imports stuff from China and resells it on Amazon. I make a decent income from that business alone and work there 2 hours per day.

      Good luck with the family

  • If you demand me to find another job only to make more money so i can afford a expensive place that you like and that you be a housewife?

    Then you can go fuck yourself. I choose my own career. But well my career choixe is well paid but if you demand more than that.. Then you're out...

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  • I'd kind of like the traditional relationship you described, especially if she's into sex. I'd be hesitant due to how often women tend to want divorce though. Yeah it's okay to encourage him to make more money. Where do you live?

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    • 3d

      D. C. and I'm not open to moving to the suburbs.

      yeah I get it. Marriage is hard and takes work. I know its hard to be a man as well when it comes to divorce and Id probably feel the same in your shoes.

      I hope more guys are into the traditional marriage too. these days I feel like the odd girl out. my friends think im crazy when I say that being a submissive housewife is my dream. I would love it. it just takes the right kind of man. Not all men know how to be good leaders. Like, yeah, you're in charge, but you should care about my perspective too even if you know you have the final say.

  • First if you can't live on what I bring in you have extremely bad overspending issues second if you asked to be a house wife I would lose all respect for you and probably leave you but as for your question if there where super high paying jobs he could just get when ever he pleased don't you think he would have already

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    • 3d

      why dont you respect housewives?

    • 3d

      Because that's what religious girls do and I don't respect religious people

  • Depends on the woman and the financial situation you are in. Also some women make good housewives while some don't. Some see it as a free pass to sit on their ass and do nothing while hubby brings in all the money, then they break-up with the guy and are handed a free house via the divorce court.

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  • I definitely would find that a massive turn off, you can have expensive tastes but if you wanted me to fund them for you you'd probably find yourself single :P

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  • What kind of area does he live in, and what job does he have?

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  • yeah

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  • Gold diggers are a turn off.

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