LDR with no love in the beginning - how can I tell if he's really fallen in love with me after over a year and is it even possible?

We started dating in 2017 during my stay in the US. I wasn't looking for anything serious but I really liked him and didn't want it to end with my stay for the summer. We were having fun together hanging out. Not long before my departure I accidentally found poems written by him that oddly matched our situation. The same day he told me he writes poetry sometimes although he needs a muse to do so. I happily assumed the poems were newly written and about me but i didn't mention my discovery.

When I went back to Europe and we started growing apart, I would remind myself of the poem which I took for a token of him in love with me. Whenever he'd say he felt distant I'd remind myself of the lovely words he wrote about me. The distance isn't the problem. Every time we are together we feel good about each others company and when we're distant, we communicate every day and miss each other.

I noticed lack of affection on his end but i assumed it was something that had to be discussed also as he would only show me affection when he wanted to have sex. In the meantime, there were times he displayed lack of any affection. He called me an old fart on my birthday not even sending me a card, the anniversary we spent with his friend, as he didn't see anything wrong with her joining. He doesn't take any pics of us, doesn't do "couple stuff" in general. It feels like we're great friends who have fun sex (although he never makes sure i have the pleasure too if you know what I mean) and who grew to love each other.

Recently I found out the poem wasn't about me but about a girl he was seeing, who wasn't really into him. I feel like I got into this relationship on false pretenses and stupid for assuming that he was in love with me when in reality he took me for granted which he admitted. Now he says things have changed completely, that he loves me and wants to prove it. He's coming for Christmas next week. What should be expected of him as a sign of a change of his feelings


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What Guys Said 1

  • Enjoy your time with him, talk to him about your feelings and his and also discuss when you might be able to be together for good. Then re-evaluate after he has flown home.

    • 4d

      Thank you for your reply. It's difficult to enjoy that time when all I have in my head is insecurity about being treated the same way as in the past. We've discussed us being together for good and that would be in 2020.

    • 4d

      Then that insecurity is what you need to address with him.

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