My partner isn’t my soulmate?

Ok so to catch you guys up, I’ve always had very strong feelings towards this one person - who we are going to call R - ever since we met in elementary school. We’re still friends to this very day and I still feel the same.

However, we never dated even though we have admitted our feelings about one another to each other before. We didn’t date because even though R said they love me, they think highly of me and badly of their self, so they say I deserve better than them.

Knowing that, I tried to get over them for years. Never worked. Now I’m currently in a relationship, but I don’t have the same sort of feelings for this person, who we will call S, as I do for R. There isn’t that click, that deep connection between S and I. I have that with R.

R messaged me a handful of moments ago and confessed their feelings again, but acknowledged that I am currently in a relationship and will respect that, but had to get those feelings off their chest.

I don’t want to be selfish and hurt S, they are a very good person, but I don’t want to be hurting S in the long run because they deserve someone better than me. I try to make my relationship with S an amazing one, I show them affection and treat them with respect and care, but I can’t shake my feelings for R still. No matter what I do, I end up thinking about R. I truly believe R is my soulmate, but I don’t know what to do. I started overthinking things and ended up having a panic attack. I have no one to talk to about my feelings because I’m too afraid to face them, so I came here for advice.

It’s stupid, I know, but I’m young and I really don’t want to hurt anyone. Both R and S are fantastic people and deserve to be happy - but I want to be happy, too. Please help me out, I’m so distraught by this.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I had to do this in my last relationship- it will hurt S in the long run if you stay with them and don't love them as much as R. Just explain calmly to S and if you can take the emotions that come with R, go with them. I hope this helps, and if you do break up with S I hope it goes well and that you and R are happy. If you don't end up breaking up, I still wish you both the best! Just go with your heart!

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  • Dump them both. Move on

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  • Go to R!! It wouldn't be fair to S if you're feeling this type of way for someone else while you're with him! And you're young, you're going to go through pain and heartache in your life so just let yourself go and experience it all! Do what your heart says. Be honest to yourself and to both R and S.

    Also, since you've never been with R before, it might turn out that he's not your soulmate. You may just be totally in love with who you think they are, or the idea of being with that person... Then when you actually start dating for a while your 'soulmate' isn't much of a soulmate anymore.

    But yeah, be honest with yourself. I say go for R

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    • 4d

      Yeah, that’s true. I just don’t know how to go about explaining this to S because I don’t want to come off as though I’m cheating. I would never, ever cheat!! I didn’t try to pursue anything romantic with R since I have been dating S. I’m worried about breaking their heart..

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