Is my relationship toxic?

I’m struggling with my relationship. I find myself wondering if I’ve made a huge mistake. I’ve been married for just over a year, and in a relationship with my husband just over 4 years.

My husband thinks (and has always thought) that I am too sensitive. I think he’s overly insensitive. He often verbally attacks me personally (such as throwing past things in my face, or just calling me stupid, fat, etc. He has called me a fat fuck and a stupid, fat, old lady this weekend. (He’s been especially rude this weekend... but it’s been going on for all of our relationship. Prior to our getting married, I demanded we go to couples counseling and things got better. But now... I just feel like he just feels good when he hurts my feelings.)

He thinks because he doesn’t physically abuse me, and that he contributes financially and that when he’s not upset with me he doesn’t say things like that, that it somehow absolves him from the things he says when he’s upset.

But he also makes fun of me when he’s not mad. Like calling me a pig, or a farm animal, or old and fat. (Yes, I am overweight. I’ve been overweight, and he said that he liked big women.)

When he’s nice, he’s really sweet and caring and does things for me.

But when he’s not... He’s really quite an asshole. Something he says a lot is sticks and stones. That words are just words, that his actions should be the indicator or how he feels about me. But it’s just making me feel like I’m worthless. I also feel really stupid. Like, why do I think it’ll change?

Am I too sensitive? Or is he really being a jerk?

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  • Try to put yourself in a different position. What if (for example) this was happening at the very first date, or before you guys dated. The most important thing is to make sure that he knows how he makes you feel. That he knows he really hurts you, and it isn't funny or jolly to you. It definitely isn't you being over sensitive. Either make him stop, take him to a relationship expert with you, or break up. It can get a lot worse, not just the things he says, but it can get physical too. That isn't good for you or even potential kids. For now, put yourself on the first spot. What do you want?

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  • That sort of behavior is completely unacceptable in a relationship. I would definitely consider it toxic. However have you considered trying to lose weight? Not necessarily for his sake but for your own well being. Aulthough it is possible it could help him too. It sounds like he is just being a jerk but perhaps this is just his messed up way of asking that you lose weight. I don't suggest staying in a toxic relationship but a marriage is worth trying to save. I understand it's difficult but loosing weight could be a win win, you could be healthier and take away his ammo at the same time.

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  • His asshole and make me wonder why you married him.

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  • He’s being an ass

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  • If i were you i'd never marry with this guy

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  • U won't last long in this one this is not healthy

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  • He's being a big jerk.
    I think you should sit with him (when he's nice or in a good mood) and explain to him how his words make you feel. He need to know the extent of what his hurtful words is doing to the relationship. Since he's very helpful, pleasant and caring when he's being nice, then he's happy in the relationship (observe when he's most happy and in a good mood, and find out what is making him happy, is it something that you've done? If so, try to do it more often).
    He really needs to understand that his hurtful words could threaten your relationship.
    If he truly finds it joyful in hurting you, then he's obviously a bad person.

    But generally speaking, (and don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to offend you) maybe some of his attraction towards you has shifted or lessened (now I don't know you, and I don't want to make any assumptions) but if you haven't been taking care of yourself lately (appearance wise) I think you really should do. Maybe try going on a small diet, start slow by cutting carbs, and not drinking sodas (if that's what you do)
    I know this is a sensitive topic, and that you said he likes big women, but I think (for your own HEALTH as well) that you should drop some weight.
    If it is a matter of attraction, generally you can go back to being really attractive in his eyes. I mean that man married you! No man marries a woman he's not attracted to, so I think you can evolve and change for the better.
    Now obviously you should also seek guidance.
    Good luck! I hope it works out for you <3

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