It makes me feel guilty for having had the life that I've had. But obviously I can't do anything about it and I have never cheated and would never cheat on her. What am I supposed to do here? Am I in the wrong at all? Should I do my best to hide those parts of myself?
Yes, we were friends before dating, she knew me well before we got involved, including most parts of my past.
No, I don't have STDs or Kids.
Most Helpful Girls
You’re not doing anything wrong and shouldn’t feel guilty about your past. For whatever reason, she’s very insecure. That’s something she’s going to need to deal with and get over. You might be able to help with some of it, but the catch there is it also greatly depends on how bad her insecurity level is. If it’s not too severe, the right kind of compliments and consistency (not to mention being and feeling genuine when you give them) may help her get through whatever she’s feeling and over it.
Girls often (though of course there are exceptions to every rule) compare themselves to who you were with previously. Irrational to do? Yes. But we can be very competitive in that way. Especially if you’re the kind of guy that attracts what other guys might think is the “supermodel hot” type, and being our own worst critics, a girl may measure herself up to your previous relationships and worry that she comes up short. The best thing to do in this instance is reassure her in ways that come across as more genuine and less playing into whatever insecurities they have. So for example instead of being like don’t worry about my past girls, I think you’re hotter than them (which you would think would work, but doesn’t always), it may be more effective to be more subtle about it. Like don’t put any focus on your past and say things that are flattering, and at the right moment. Like if you think a dress looks great on her, let her know you think it flatters her figure. If she looks like she’s tired after work one day, maybe pick up some chores that she might normally do (if you guys split those up between y’all). If she asks what’s gotten into you, say something encouraging like you know she’s worked hard and had a long day. You appreciate her, and you’d do anything for your “beautiful” or “special girl;” to see her smile.
If she loves corny little love notes, think about texting them to her, placing stickies on her vanity, putting them in a bag that she takes to work, or maybe even in her lunch, if she brings them.
The key is to draw her attention away from your past by distracting her with how wonderful you think she is. Give her enough to have a sense of security that you aren’t and never will look anywhere else. Mind you, this will only work effectively on someone that doesn’t have severe insecurity problems. For people with that issue, it’s really not going to matter what you say or do. They’re always going to feel like they come up short.
Having a past where you've slept around a lot shows poor choices and disrespect to yourself.
I am in the same situation. In a relationship where I've slept with 2 men before him and he's slept with many. Though I did know about his past I didn't know about it all and we'd already done the deed and I take sex very seriously, where as my guess would be my current partner probably did not. I still feel mixed emotions about it all. As I don't feel massively confident because of well other reasons. But it is what it is, and I can't erase how I feel.
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Most Helpful Guys
I understand this all too well because I'm the girl in this situation. I've been with very few women and the girl I'm talking to has been with way more than me. 7 in the past year and half. I am disgusted by this because i haven't had sex at all in 3-4 years. I personally fought hard to look past her past because I really do like her and she has expressed regret for several of them as she was manipulated by them. But her eagerness to have sex in tbe first place still bothers me and I turned nudes down because she said it "wasn't a big deal". I am still deeply trou. bled by her past and some of her views on sex. And I have seriously thought that we might not be sexually compatible. I'm still not sure to be honest.
I wanted so badly to have sex for the first time in a long time with another girl who also hadn't been with anyone for awhile. And the whole "experience" argument means nothing to me as I don't want experience. I want the both of us to grow and learn with each other. I don't want her to teach me. I want us to learn together. People who were promiscuous in their past need to own up to it and stop bitching about how others are too "closed minded" and uncomfortable with your past. Which is completely rational. Your past haunts all of us, like a shadow it follows you. We must accept that about ourselves.
You two might not be meant for each other. If she can't get over your past (which although disappointing is very understandable) then you and her will have to accept that it isn't meant to be. This is why we must carefully consider our actions. They will eventually impact us in the future. Plus, sleeping around is simply not cool and not worth it.
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Be yourself like she is. If she is sad hug her. Lay beside her and just be there for her. Make sure she knows that you are there and that she can take her time. It is her body. Remind yourself that she does not have to do anything with her body or yours only because you are in a relationship. It is only about trust, real love for each other and helping each other to stay or get happy. You can make a difference. Now if you want sex, buy a fake vagina. Pressuring your partner because of sexuality is THE WORST one can do to another.