Recent breakup of 5 year relationship?

Had been in a five year relationship. We were engaged til mid last year. My brother had been killed in war, shortly before Christmas of 09. For kind of the first time in our relationship I wasn't able to tend to her needs as I was going through and still am a hugely traumatic experience. Like I said we had been engaged.

I work long and hard hours and come home from work one night to a nearly empty apartment, with a note taped to the microwave. She had left but said its not over but that she needed to figure out some things. It took about 2 weeks for us to get on good footing to talking again. She had several barriers up. In all honesty I had started to drink hard after the death. It was very hard to sleep and very hard to deal with any emotions so I numbed myself. I am going to counseling now which has provided immense support and healing through this.

The fiancee and I began to reconcile and move forward again, me more so than her, she always held a grudge for previous actions shortly after his death. Things had been going very well, then she began to say some hurtful things to me, saying I used his death as a crutch amongst others. She began to hold certain material things over my head and highlighting certain areas I need to change. I openly acknowledged validity in her statements but would ask for support not being demonized. I honestly just needed some reassurance. None of her friends or peers or even mother look at my side during this whole experience. I have had a HUGE thing happen to me and on top of my brothers death my soon to be wife moved out. Talk about loss upon loss.

Roughly 2 month ago, things turned differently than I had ever seen. She had asked why we hadn't sought couples counseling, I expressed that I agree that we should do counseling and it will help us clear the air. She then flip flops and says she doesn't want to. All of her friends and mother had been telling her for months she could do better, that she's the victim here and comments along those lines. Our relationship had been wonderful and at times difficult like any relationship. She is the kind to freely take any advice given. I tend to way it a bit more. A lot of advice she is taking, is from divorcees, single women who are promiscuous and so on, so none from what I would consider healthy relationships. I have been sober for a cpl months now and am routinely working out and trying to remain healthy.

A month and a half ago, she tells me she needs space and a break. She wouldn't talk with me about what this meant for her. I would ask, so does this mean you want to see other people etc. Initially she said no, then about a cpl days later she said yes she does. Then she started to go on double dates, and go to the bars. I didn't initially give her space, I made all the usual breakup mistakes. I'm unsure if this is a grass is greener scenario, there is no communication, or desire on her end. No reasoning given for this change of heart. I'm unsure what to do.
Recent breakup of 5 year relationship?
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