So my boyfriend and I have known each other for a long time now and we’re both in college. 2 nights ago we had the serious conversation about sex because we felt the need to have that conversation. We have different views on when we want to have sex with each other. I want to wait till marriage if he thinks the relationship will go that far, but he wants to have sex before marriage. I asked him why and he said that he doesn’t see himself getting married anytime soon because he wants to know well about the person he marries, he wants to be financially stable before marriage, and he says that he doesn’t want to get married just so he can have sex with that person, and I wasn’t sure how to explain that is not the reason that I want to wait until marriage for sex. At one point we were both crying cause we didn’t want to lose each other over something like this when I know there must be a solution. I asked him if he thinks there’s a solution and he said that he’s leaving it up to me to find one cause he doesn’t want to force me to have sex with him. After spending time with my boyfriend, I asked my mom for advice about what should I do cause I’m not sure what to do, and she said something very unexpected of that if my boyfriend and I love each other so very much, after we are together for 3 years total in dating and we’re out of college that we should get engaged to each other and have a long term engagement till we’re both financially stable and have a job and she told me that if he shows that much commitment at least, then it’s okay to bend the rules about sex and have sex when we’re engaged just to have physical intimacy built up before marriage since that is the best thing to do based on marriage reality shows we’ve watched. I gave thought about the whole thing for 2 days and have come to the decision that I am willing to do that and compromise cause again, this is such a small dilemma that I don’t want to break up with him over.
However, how do I explain to my boyfriend that if we do get engaged, that it’s not just so we can have sex and that it’s because we love each other so much on a very high level. He’s afraid of ending up with the wrong person for engagement/marriage just cause he thinks so that it’s only just to have sex; he doesn’t want to deal with divorce because he knows from his parents that divorce is messy. I know that I need more time to know about my boyfriend (even though we’ve been with each other for
so long) before possibly getting engaged to him, but how do I explain to him that if we did get engaged, that it’s not just so we can have sex?