They were married around 30, then had no kids up until like two years ago, now that they’re pushing 40. They spent the first 8 or so years of being married just living their lives with freedom, traveling, establishing their careers and finances, and NOW, after building some wealth and spending lots of time traveling and living luxuriously, NOW they’ve begun the task of raising children, and from afar, to me, that looks like a solid blueprint. Because the other thing to consider, anybody can get married... not everybody can STAY married. And obviously everyone is unwaveringly optimistic about their own marriages but just look at the statistics. There’s a personal and social validation that comes along with marriage and kids that I think many people chase, sometimes to the detriment of sound decision-making. Everyone wants to find their “one” and be done with it... except sometimes we hurry into it and are shortsighted, or we just plain get sick of each other. So I think it’s wise to give a marriage time to see if it even works out before adding a kid (a HUGE source of strain, stress, and conflict to a marriage btw) to the equation. (Continued...)
Like the friends I had from college who were married, the “game-changer guy?” Divorced now. And that was supposed to be the “forever couple” in our circle, they were madly in love at 18, at 22, at 26... then the kids came and it started to deteriorate. People often look at kids as a glue to a relationship, but sometimes it can have the opposite effect, longer-term. So knowing what I know of you, your fiancée, your situation, just from what you’ve shared that I’ve read, and assuming your question is based on something you’re currently experiencing... just tread lightly and don’t jump right in to anything. You seem like a good dude, smart, ambitious, mature. It sounds like your lady is good for you in some aspects, in terms of steering you into the right path and lifestyle, and kind of encourages you to take better care of yourself in the face of the stresses of your life. So that’s all well and good, plus I’ve gathered that you’ve known each other for years, despite just starting out fairly recently with the dating. Just don’t allow yourself to get locked into things you can’t get out of, that’s the best advice I could give you at your age, whether that’s marriage, kids, any of it. Nothing wrong with being engaged and talking about your future wedding and marriage and family, that’s all cool, I would just remind you that life is LONG, hopefully. Nothing needs to be done overnight at your age. Don’t allow a woman’s (or your own!) wedding-fever or baby-fever influence the proceedings, that’s all based in irrational emotion. Take your time, live your life, enjoy the ride. Slow and steady wins the race🐢👍 Hope you aren’t offended by my comments, I mean no harm or intrusion, it’s none of my business, just dispensing some advice and, hopefully, wisdom, that I’ve accrued over 40 years of living, haha. Best of luck to you and your gal, man👊
I understand, thank you for sharing your experience and in-depth insight, I wholeheartedly enjoyed reading.I understand your points, especially regarding the fact that some people have a marriage and baby fever.Yes, I have known my fiancée for eight years now and she's slightly older than me, so I guess that could be a factor in her ideas about marriage and family.Although she did say that even if we get married next year, she wants to stay just the two of us for some years.
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Condoms AND the pill? Combined with pushy ex girlfriend seems like she might've made it happen
@Porcelaine part of why we split up. but I do still see my kids on a normal bases.
Women manipulate the men they're with for the better good, small things like quitting bad habits or getting them to exercise is fine, but big decisions like this, even if you are happy to be a father and don't regret your kids should be up to you. The fact that she dismissed it and did it anyway shows disrespect and complete disregard to your wishes. You did the right thing by ending it, even if my kids were the biggest blessing in my life, I would break up too. Hope you find a more considerate partner.
I'm hardly perfect and we are already going to get married, I don't see other needs to "lock me in" with her
Agreed, if I was you I would insist on buying condoms myself.
@Jean-Marie_Celine, I didn't say you we're perfect, I said women know how set the perfect trap. And until you two Say those Vows she's going to worry, why do you think she's pushing... Very easy to walk away from an Engagement much more difficult & financially costly to walk away from a Marriage!!! And she knows this...
Don't have babies before you're married.
@mrArcher I don't want to have kids before marriage
That's what I said :))
If her exact words were, "I'm thinking of having a baby," I would most likely reply, "Make mine well done please."