How do you feel if your partner keeps talking about having a baby?

[WhiteSteve]

It’s ultimately one of the biggest factors in why I split with my one other serious girlfriend, when I was around your age. We had been together since high school but she was really starting to push about getting married, having kids, like putting hard timetables on it. She’d be like “I want to be married by 22, I want my first kid by 23...” and I’m thinking “uhhhhh, I’m still in college, lady.” Like I wasn’t even sure I wanted any kids (and it turns out, I was right). She was from a very messed up family situation though, and I’ve heard the idea that oftentimes people who don’t come from strong family units are in a hurry to create one for themselves as soon as they can. A part of me felt obligated because I had so much pity for her background, but the other part of me knew I was way, WAY too young to be doing all this.

I’m a big proponent of having your shit all the way together and being well-established and financially stable before you even think of going down that road. My one buddy from college who had kids first, and theoretically even “the right way” in my opinion (had dated the girl since they were 18, were already married, and had sustainable, even lucrative careers underway), I’ll never forget talking to him after his kids were born, and he said of having children, in an exhausted, defeated voice “it’s... it’s a game-changer.” Don’t get me wrong, he loves his kids, but it’s not like adopting a puppy, this is some “your youth ends HERE” stuff. Now it’s all about the kid.

And speaking of that, he, and other guys I know, definitely feel like they’ve become afterthoughts and even “expendable employees” once the child is born, as if the gal got her baby out of you, so you’ve served your purpose, and you are now VERY MUCH second place to their beloved baby, which of course anyone technically SHOULD BE, a baby needs to be top priority obviously, but I’m just pointing out what I feel can be an undersold dynamic change in the relationship between the parents. A lot of guys I know just feel like their wife is way more annoyed by them and gives way less of a shit about them once the baby comes along. I don’t want to say “everyone” of course, but I just feel like I’ve heard or at least sensed this dynamic shift in many cases, and nobody wants to say anything about it... not to sound like one of the angry-at-women blue anons we have an abundance of here, I’m not that guy😂 But it’s just something to consider.

And back to my old relationship, quick point I forgot to make: my ex-gf had a baby with the next guy she dated, probably less than two years after we broke up. Like I feel like she just wanted this marriage and baby so badly with someone, ANYONE, and I just hope it’s as fulfilling for her as she was hoping. She’s a good kid, I definitely wish her happiness, but we were just looking for different things. And here I am, almost 20 years later, happy as hell that I have no kids and my lady is on the same train as me. I can’t even tell you how frustrated I would be right now if I had some teenage kid with the chick I thought was “the one” but wasn’t. I know I’d love my kid and be a good parent, but I also know that life is not what I’m looking for and I’d have some resentment of the situation, for sure, not to mention my financial situation would be critically hampered, and who knows if it would be hostile between my ex-gf and I. So I think it worked out best for me, and hopefully for her as well. Just depends what you want, but also WHEN you want it. Some other friends of mine, they did it well. (Continued...)

[broken_heart_at_48]

I'm all for practicing but I've already raised 4 daughters. Children are a life time commitment and a lot of sacrifices and work. Definitely do a lot of talking before you make a decision. To be honest I wouldn't have kids now a day's and I tried counciling my daughter's about it but they are their own persons. The reason I wouldn't isn't because it was too hard or they were bad kids it's because I feel that the future of mankind on this planet is going to start paying the price for how we've treated this planet. I think we've basically hit that tilting point and are starting to see a little of what's coming and it's about to start snowballing not to mention the direction the US is heading. It's not a big jump for united States to be in a crises. I don't think it will really happen in my life maybe not my daughter's lives but their babies will probably see it and I won't be here to try and protect them. I'm not a gloom and Doom kinda person but there's enough evidence out there that is hard to deny. I'm just as guilty as everyone else

[Anonymous]

It would hurt me deeply, because I don't want to have children. I have thought about this for many years now and despite still being young, and knowing I could be a good mother for a few hours, I know in my heart that I will never be ready to be a mom.

If my future husband really wants to have children, despite me prefering for him to have a vasectomy or for myself to get sterilised, I would set some ground rules, for example that he takes time off work to stay with the child at first. I have an extremely hard time getting used to changes in my life, it would take me a long amount of time to get used to having a child, although I do like children a lot. I just don't want any of my own.
A child would be an incredible challenge for our marriage.

So him talking about it would make me sad, it would break me over and over again, and that's why I can't marry someone who really really really wants to have children.
I am, however, very upfront about this from the start.
If I got pregnant accidentally, I would keep it and raise it, but it's not something I am planning.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has been talking about wanting a family since we were 15. Some days he says he doesn't want kids and some days he goes around saying he wants a large family of like 6 children. I don't really want kids and have been very clear about it, but as you reach a certain point in the relationship, I've started to automatically talk about it myself too. Not officially saying I want kids because I still don't, but I've joked about names before. I'm still very vocal about my opinion so I don't make him expect anything, but there is that small feeling of worry that he'll someday leave if I don't agree.

[moonpie89]

I'd feel pressured.

[JimboGB]

Horny and excited.

[LuWe22]

We are CF

[Upthehills]

I'll feel like leaving him

[latinwarlock]

Address it