How long should you wait to have sex so that a guy won’t use you or consider you easy?

[Sweetnessxoxo]

should it be after dating for 5 months?

[Bensbrie]

I mean personally I'd say after marriage, but I can't tell you what to do or what not to do! Cause it is your decision after all. But a lot of girls date a guy who they think is the one, someone they think is going to be with them forever and such and then the guy breaks up with them after they've done it or break up with them for another reason. Your body, heart, mind, and soul are all precious things. So is your chastity. It's all precious things. My husband and I didn't even kiss on the lips until I was about to leave china (even though he kissed me on the cheek a bunch) , essentially at the end of a 3 month time period was when he first kissed me, and that's when he proposed to me. But, it's your decision what you do, I just would greatly appreciate if you take these aspects into consideration. You need to be cherished and to cherish someone. And lots of times people have sex in a relationship because they love that person, but when they do they form a bond and connection with that person that will be even more painful when severed. Plus there are risks to having sex while dating, like STDs, pregnancy could happen (even with protection it's not entirely impossible), and so on. At 5 months I wouldn't know a guy enough and be committed enough to surrender myself completely to him. I've only ever been with my husband, and while we were dating I wouldn't have offered myself to him, not cause I didn't love him, but because of personal Spiritual reasons/convictions. But yeah, no matter what your decision is, God bless you and have a good day friend! 😊 you are awesome.

[Sweetnessxoxo]

❤️❤️

[VIVANT]

He can’t use you for sex if you WANT to have sex. Don’t have sex if you don’t want to. You can wait five years you will still feel used if it isn’t something you want to do.

you are not having sex for him you are Having sex for you. He is having sex for him. And if you care for each other you will share it.

as long as you are asking what the calculation is , you are not ready to have sex in general and are not feeling secure with the guy.

Anyhow.. me I’d wait at least a year for intercourse Bc I like to take my time. If I was worried he was a player I wouldn’t be dating him. When I’m going to have sex with someone I’m not doubting doing it Bc I want to for myself.

I don’t worry About being used Bc someone can’t use me by doing something I want. Rape is what I worry about. Someone trying to force me to do what I don’t want. That’s why I wait. I wait until I feel complete trust physically.

But most people think that is too long. I don’t care. 🤷‍♀️😊

[VIVANT]

Congratulations on your boy , pretty lady 🌹🌹

[Sweetnessxoxo]

Thank you by the way i was just curious about this because this is something that I’ve never asked before and I’m confused about but I don’t think that i will do that I’ve never been that way

[VIVANT]

I didn’t mean to assume I was speaking generally 😊 You really have a very accessible calculator.. your own comfort level 🌟

[soleil2666]

Spot on in how to look at it. One would hope you can feel comfortable and safe from the first moment, but that's a different topic (and differs from one person to another)

[BradFlipK]

Vivant, I disagree with your Year Timeline. That seems way too long for me. But it's different timelines for different people. I do however, very much agree with everything else you said! Your point about her lack of confidence showing that this is in fact not the right guy for her, was a brilliantly accurate statement

[Sevenpointfive]

i'll just say this. any guy that's interested wants to have sex. determining how much he likes you is the factor in keeping him long term. a lot of the time for some guys, the goal is reached and they move on.

i like to make sure i develop feelings for someone before sex. if you're sure you both have them then it should be ok. it's always been a heartbreaking experience for me

[Sweetnessxoxo]

I’m sorry :( why has it been a heartbreaking experience for you?

[Sevenpointfive]

it never has. but if you give your penis to a girl it should be special. it always has been for me, so it hurts when she's done with it. this is how i know the penis doesn't make the relationship. if only her heart was a vagina

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

A guy who uses women will use you regardless of the sexual timeline. The solution is not to arbitrarily delay sex. It's to choose better men, period.

[wmasters]

This guy has it. Give this muthafucka the MHO

[MrOracle]

When you are younger, as you are, the wait time should be a few months at least. I'd say 2-3 months minimum, and probably 6 months max. As you get older and have more experience with men and dating, it will be easier for you to figure out what the guy is after, and waiting so long won't be necessary - you'll gradually reduce the wait time. But I recommend that you never go below the third date - that's a widely accepted standard for experienced daters, because it still tells the guy that you have boundaries and impulse control, and that's important to most guys if they're considering being in a relationship with you.

[VIVANT]

I don’t understand... Why would a guy agree to sleep with a woman before a time that he thinks would indicate her impulse control.. if her impulse control is important to him , wouldn’t his own be a concern as well? Why Would this Even be a situation?

[MrOracle]

@VIVANT Because it's not equal. Most men (not all, certainly, but a majority) aren't going to turn down sex if they can get it - anymore than a starving person is likely to turn down a hot meal - but men also aren't the gatekeepers of sex - women are. Men are instinctually programmed to "spread their seed", and we're perfectly happy to have casual sex with most any woman who is physically attractive to us and is willing. Putting us in charge of deciding whether or not to have sex is putting the mouse in charge of the cheese. I get that this is a double-standard and seems hypocritical, but the fact is that men and women have very different roles in this process. Men want sex, and women want a relationship. Okay, both want the other thing too, but it's a lower priority to them compared to their primary priority. Men are reluctant to get into a relationship because - with the exception of sex - we don't get many benefits but we must accept a HUGE amount of responsibility, liability, limits, and expectations - PLUS, we have to be vulnerable, and that's something men spend their entire lives avoiding, so we're very reluctant to be voluntarily vulnerable. We have to have a great amount of trust, and so we look at the woman's boundaries and impulse control to see if we can trust her. If she has sex with us too quickly, we'll take the sex, but she won't get a relationship from us. That's just how it works. Knowing that, you have to make smart decisions to get what you want.

[VIVANT]

No. All due respect that sounds like crap. If someone Seriously cares About Impulse control They should have the Will to apply it to themselves.. What kind of nonsense is that for a guy who pretends to care about will power but has none himself. I am of course careful about Sex. Bc I care about who I have sex with. Not Bc I am trying to prove myself to a hypocrite. I don’t trust people who Would refuse to ascribe to themselves what they ascribe to others.. I think most people feel similarly with most things Bc it’s reasonable. Having an urge Does not mean you should not control it. We don’t shot on the street. It might come quite naturally if it wasn’t taboo. Men spread seed women have babies but no one is doing That on birth control, so it is irrelevant. Humans use their brains to Make decisions. Not their genitalia. These Endless Justification for men to sleep around Bc they have to sutras seed while they are using confirms, just sounds silly. Obviously sex will just be sex eventually... “waiting There dates “ is supposed to have some intrinsic meaning now, yet would have a woman burnt at the stake a few hundred years ago. And stoner today in some cultures.. Things change. 🤷‍♀️ {I understand you are speaking in generality so I’m not directing this at you. I’m speaking generally }

[robertKugler]

Its not every day i get laid actually few n far between... i dont expect it but dont mind.. can't keep em all. . they leave n all good... its when the. Stick around show interest affection u get invoved. n the possibly miss lead.. twice... then its interesting

[reptocarl]

@VIVANT Oracle is telling you the truth

[VIVANT]

@reptocarl And I’m telling the truth. So We are all telling the truth.

[soleil2666]

@MrOracle That 'most men' perhaps you can apply to 'most young men', as in teens/early twenties - past that age, it honestly is nonsensical to believe men want sex any more than women do. If anything, they want it less. And millennials even when young are different - you are living a baby boomer stereotipe (if it was true even then)

[MrOracle]

@soleil2666 Men (and I'm making a generalization here, obviously, so I mean "most men") still *prioritize* sex, and women still *prioritize* relationships. That's in our nature. Of course it doesn't mean that men don't WANT relationships, or that women don't WANT sex, but most women don't want sex UNTIL she's in a relationship or at least has an emotional connection with the guy - at which point her inner nympho is often unleashed. And relationships are often very important to men, to the point where they'll make great sacrifices to keep them. But that doesn't change our base priorities. There's a REASON that women using male prostitutes is virtually a myth (to the degree that it does happen, it's generally much older women who want younger men) - men go to prostitutes 1000 times more than women go to male prostitutes. That's because males prioritize sex - so if they can't have a relationship but there's an opportunity for sex, most men will pursue it - not necessarily with a prostitute, but they're perfectly happy to have casual sex.

[soleil2666]

@MrOracle Entirely untrue mate. That world exists only in your mind. Men are more hunters, women are more gatherers - the rest of that 'sex vs relationships' is such bs it's incredible ANYONE still believes it. Boys idolise sex until they get some of it. As do girls. Afterwards it's individual choice.

[MrOracle]

@soleil2666 I guess we'll agree to disagree.

[soleil2666]

yeah, no trouble with that, just name it as your opinion, not a fact. or go out a bit and check what's going on (though you'd probably get stuck on boys, even though you can be 16 or 18 (or even 12) and already be a man with emotions and no idealised view of just sex

[soleil2666]

You use 'men' to mean 'wannabes'. That's not all or mest men, that's just the wannabes still impressed by seeing boobs and touching any pussy

[Sweetnessxoxo]

@soleil2666 aren’t most young men like that? Sometimes even older men

[soleil2666]

@Sweetnessxoxo Not at all, there is nothing 'most' about it. Perhaps the ones you meet when you go out to a pub or a club, because that's where you go to pick up. If you look at people at work, in a library, at a uni or in a school, 80% at least won't be like that. Older ones are trying to be forever teenagers because baby boomers generally imagine they are forever young.

[Screenwriter]

@VIVANT I've been hanging around awhile and Oracle is on point. I also explored some early trying to find love through sex attempts with young men and failed miserably. It's all because of our biological and societal roles. There are some facts you can't get around. It's not about hypocrisy. The standards are double because the roles are.

[soleil2666]

@Screenwriter There probably is location and culture specific stuff in there too. Europeans (at least a few years back, before they adopted bits of the American culture, used to be able to translate intentions pretty well off the bat - but then scoring numbers just wasn't a thing, men who wanted just sex would go to a prostitute, so it was clearer what was going on)

[VIVANT]

@Screenwriter @I've been hanging around awhile and Oracle is on point. I also explored some early trying to find love through sex attempts with young men and failed miserably Im sorry I think there is a misunderstanding. I Never did say anywhere I was trying to find love through sex? Never. that is not something I ever have thought , let alone said. To me love and sex are mutually exclusive. though I would not have sex with someone I did not love, it is a preference.. Nor would I eat when not hungry... but sex does not create love any more than hunger creates food. What I said was I lose much respect for and Have no desire to be with a person who would indulge in behavior , they would hold against me. I don’t have casual sex at all, nor do I have commitment sex quickly. Not out of fear I just don’t wish to, somy position isn’t about rationalizing quick sex for myself. (Though I have nothing against OTHERS engaging in quick sex, if the respect is mutual.) For me, It is the principle of the thing. For example, if a guy was head over heels in love and wanted to be with me and accepted that I did not move quickly for sex, BUT if I did move quickly he would have been happy to indulge on sex yet lose respect and interest in me as a serious partner, for the fact we BOTH had sex but somehow I “ let him “ do what he wanted to do even though he’s a friend man and can make his own decisions. And I was “ easy” as if doing something I want to do is only a pretense to win someone over... well this is a person I do not want to be with.

[VIVANT]

Even though I did not want sex early And it didn’t happen... just knowing he’s resent me for it if He had sex with me. To me guys is nonsense. When I said we all are “ telling them truth” I was telling the truth. I was sharing my view and I fully believe The two gentlemen were honestly sharing their view. We are all “telling it Like it is. “ we all have different opinions and there are billions of people in the World, Our opinions will Overlap with others. There is not simply one view. The fact I don’t want to date a man who will not hold themselves equally accountable For their behavior and instead , hold their own behavior against me, is no less relevant then the fact there are men who will not want to date women who who Do not accept double standards. We all mean what we are saying I’m certain😊 it is not that I fail to believe sone men will judge women for enjoying sex where they will not judge themselves.. but I’m not at The mercy of these men Bc I don’t want to date them. Just like they don’t have to care what I think Bc they don’t want to date me. but there is no problem on my “ understanding” I understand some people believe women should be socially punished for Enjoying physical pleasure. I understand. It just isn’t my problem. 😌

[VIVANT]

As for societal roles... this changes depending on time and culture and to what extent people see willing or unwilling to accept nonsense. Women used to be burned at the stake for having sex even if she went very slowly. Now to some people. “ slowly” is tyethe third date. How is waiting three dats any different than doing it right away. It’s meaningless. I wouldn’t have sex that quickly even though I’m not even trying to wait. Some people waiting , means a year and for others they will break up having to wait a third of that. Some people have sex and get married. Some get married and never have sex again 😂😐🤷‍♀️ There obviously isn’t one size guys all for when sex is right. To insist a woman destre you get shame her for it... shooting yourself in the foot🤷‍♀️ It makes no Sense to say “ women shouud not want sex quickly Bc” women naturally don’t want sex quickly” Obviously if she’s wanting sex it’s natural. Desire isn’t manufactured. I don’t see the point in this limbo jumbo turning people into toys... but I support people yo carry out their personal lives as they see fit. It does not mean I must agree or I simply don’t understand the ways of the world. The ways of the world are varied inconsistent and ever changing. None of us were around to see anything “ in nature” before women were out into mental cages. No one knows how it” was” we should focus on how it is. And joe it is , is, some people are comfortable with quick sex, others are not. in my opinion the rational efficient thing to do -esp since sex is no longer illegal, so a very hard thing to control- Instead of wasting time playing mural judgement on a persons preference, hoping they works will bend to your will... just date people who agree with you. Then everyone can be more at peace.

[VIVANT]

We don’t all need to agree what everyone wants in dating, we should date people who have similar aims, then we don’t need to worry about convincing other people. It Does Not have any effect on me , to think men are meant to spread seed. I find it unattractive to have sex quickly, whether it is “ natural” or not. It won’t mean anything to some men that they hear women are supposed to want to wait. They may prefer women who don’t want to. A view isn’t a fact and even if A certain view happens to be a fact , a fact Can’t to explain away desire. A desire is not a fact , it is an emotion. would say it is very likely : 30% of men will want a relationship and want sex, but will be disgusted by a woman having sex as quickly as they would. But they will also dump her if she takes too long Bc they won’t feel she’s interested enough. 25% want a relationship and want sex and will be very happy to have sex woman they like, whenever she wants. Fast or slow. They will wait or accommodate without judgement. Provided they feel she is genuinely into them. 15% want a relationship and want sex and want to wait for marriage themselves. 20% want a relationship but sex is a priority , they won’t judge her for it they won’t dump her for having it, but they won’t wait around long either. 5% just want sex may or may not judge her but it’s irrelevant Bc they just want sex. 5% are going their own way. Now some women just want sex. Some want to wait for marriage. For those who want sex and relationship... if 65% of women want the 25% of guys who are open minded About sex in relationships , it can seem Like” most guys” think one way about sex.. But it isn’t the case. It is just that “most guys “ don’t think the way about sex , that makes it the easiest Least stressful and most harmonious way , to get along in a relationship... but it isn’t Bc “ all or most guys think the same” Just guys tend to be difficult. No matter where their views reside 🤷‍♀️😊

[VIVANT]

And many women are willing to accommodate that. Judging by the upvotes. upvoting that it is ok for men to act on impulse but women should he shakes for less.. women are willing to accept hypocrisy. That is their prerogative. Many will. Many will not. I will not. And I don’t even want quick sex. 😂 But as I say, it is the principle of the thing. Also I believe where there is smoke there is fire. A person willing to use biology to justify their own indulgence... I’m expecting to see a lot of that behavior pop up in other ways in the relationship... all unsavory ways. It’s just a red flag to me. For many it isn’t 🤷‍♀️😊

[Screenwriter]

There has to be a level of knowledge about the other person as well as trust before you engage in sex, ideally. The general problem is people act on the lowest common denominator: chemistry and attraction. Those two can occur immediately based on what you see and how you feel immediately. I think you won't regret engaging in sex with a person you trust, know and want to share love/intimacy with. But chemistry and attraction occur when you have nothing in common, no trust, knowledge or love. It's more difficult to find love through sex. Easier the other way around.

[DizzyDesii]

For me? Anywhere from 6 months to 9 months to a year. I need to feel in love and be in a longterm relationship to wipe off some of the guilt i’ll have for having done it before marriage

[burlen]

What does “easy” sex mean? I think the question you should be asking is, am I having sex with the right person—not whether for how long should I or they make it easy to have sex.

[Sweetnessxoxo]

Easy is a term for a girl that gives sex to anyone like it’s easy to get her in bed that’s what easy means

[Bribree18]

The right guy won't judge you for either choosing to wait or for sleeping with them on the first date. It is your body, you are also allowed to enjoy sex. It should be when you want and when you're comfortable. If he doesn't want to wait, he doesn't deserve you. The same goes for if he thinks you're "easy" because you slept with him earlier into your relationship. Trust me, you wouldn't want to be with a guy who has that mindset anyways because they often don't know how to please a woman solely on the reason they don't see women as equals sexually.

[VIVANT]

I agree 👍🏻👍🏻

[Anoniemus]

You said until you’re comfortable. Who cares about the guy? Plenty of men are easy themselves: a woman can’t be the only one whose easy if the man did the same.

[Anoniemus]

You wait until you’re comfortable

[AbleLearner]

It shouldn't take 5 months to figure out if you really like somebody and trust them.

[Red_Arrow]

Depends on the people. I married my wife less than two months after meeting her. And most of that time we were separated because I was in the military. Some relationships would go bad if you got intimate in less than several months. So obviously our relationship was special because we really clicked and understood each other.

[ohshee]

I don't think of it as being easy that's the furthest thing from my mind ,, for me the moment I put eyes on u i feel you I start to read you with every word you speak out loud there are top 10 silent words you have said I'm an Empath so from the moment we meet we are talking with each other ,,, even when no speaking with in the first he of meeting I can tell you all about you , and if you listen you can do the same we all can ,,, for you tho I will say this wait five or six months don't do it to try to keep the guy do it because u are ready when your ready and understanding your doing it because u want to weather the relationship works or doesn't work

[godfatherfan]

Guys will respect a woman much more when she has sex when it feels right, rather then by a calendar or by how many dates. Of course things are a bit different when your young. For adults, the "sex" date is usually the 3rd - 5th. I had a couple where it was the 2nd, I had one where we had sex instead of a 1st date. But in that one, we had texted like 2-3 hrs a night for almost a week. We knew each other better then someone on their 10th date.

[Stan83]

Wait what you instinctively think is the best for you. A guy really interested will wait for you.

[Stan83]

@Madison2628 ?

[wmasters]

I second what another guy said here: "A guy who uses women will use you regardless of the sexual timeline. The solution is not to arbitrarily delay sex. It's to choose better men, period."
.. and 86 that excuse where women ask how are they supposed to know what kind of guy he is. The thing is, women usually do know what they're getting themselves into, but they go along anyway because they can't help but want the guy for the attributes he's attracted them with. Wealthy, good looks, etc. Women are very intuitive. They can conveniently tell when some random guy likes them, so they can go giggle about it with their friends, but can't tell when a jerk is playing cool to get in their pants? Nah. They know. They just go in hoping it can be more.

[Sweetnessxoxo]

I really don’t know anything because i am naive as hell and have zero experience in everything

[wmasters]

Try tapping into your gut. Your inner intuition, instincts, when judging people. It may help.

[Buckzor]

I'm seeing a girl right now who's "taking it slow", and if she wasn't on her period we would have had sex on the 4th date. Most guys would consider 1-2 "easy" I would assume

[mixedforever29]

it doesn’t matter. no matter if u make him wait a day , 9 months , 90 days. it doesn’t matter. how he feels about you now before sex is going to be the same after. and ultimately that will tell u what kinda ends guy he is. and u can then decide if u want to keep messing w him or seeing him or whatever the case maybe

[Zorrak]

Keep telling him only after marriage if he asks but if he gets annoyed or starts trying to find other ways then he is there only for sex since he isn't patient enough and doesn't like you for just who you're but I'm so not denying that sex is important but it's better way to find out since marriage can take a while and impatient guys wouldn't wait

[Nogard1973]

There's no set guideline for this. Barnes & Noble doesn't carry a "Dating & Copulation Guide For Dummies" (I looked). It's when you both are ready. Could be one date, could be a few dozen.

My rule is when you're comfortable talking about sex, you're probably ready to have sex. It always amazes me when people say they don't like telling their partner what they do doesn't work, or they want to try a kink/fetish but don't want to seem "weird".

[Nogard1973]

Just to clarify, talking about sex doesn't mean bragging. A woman trying to convince me that she can make a man orgasm just by flexing her vaginal muscles or a guy claiming he's been gifted with the "Penis Of Power" is bragging. Talking is your likes or dislikes about sex. Be honest. If/when you do decide to have sex, your partner might surprise you in a good way. I have done this. Totally worth the effort.

[AreWeHuman]

If a guy is really interested in you the last thing on his mind is sex tbh. That is how I tell if someone could be "the one" because I like them so much for who they are that I dont even consider sex to be on my mind. It will happen naturally trust your instinct.
Most of my mates relationships they tell me that they dont have sex with a woman till near the one year mark but everyone is different I guess.

[WhiteShoulder]

PM me about this

[msss98]

If it feels right i don't see what u would date more than a few dates

[Dongtai]

If a guy likes you, he likes you. The only way to find out is by being yourself and finding out.

Some guys only want sex and will leave you after you have sex with them. Some guys want to date you AND have sex. So if you wait too long, they’ll move on to a girl who likes sex as much as they do.

The only guys you’ll attract while doing the time test are guys who either have low sex drives, are virgins or like men but don’t know it yet. Most heterosexual men want a sexual relationship. The respectful ones who also respect themselves will respect your wish to wait by moving on to a girl who isn’t afraid to take risks. The ones who don’t respect you will use every trick in the book to make you change your mind.

Stop playing games. Be yourself. Everyone gets hurt looking for love. You only hurt yourself by hiding. If you enjoy sex, have sex. But don’t make it something that glues your relationship together.

If you have to make a guy wait to have sex with you to keep him, you might not be a very interesting person.