Why is intimacy such a big deal in relationships?

Question

I'm trying to figure that out because I admit I really have difficulties grasping it. Maybe it's because I have had almost universally bad and painful experiences with those things (save exceptions), but as of now I can't shake off the feeling that it's just something I "have to do" to make my fiancée or my past girlfriends happy.
What about you?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I feel the same way, honestly. I love my boyfriend, but we've been together for some time that I would rather cuddle and chill with him, instead of getting intimate (sex) all the time. I always feel like I have to give into sex just so that he is happy, or because I fear losing him if I don't keep him sexually satisfied.

Our relationship is good and he assures me I'm just thinking about it too much, but so much in this world focused on sex, so I feel like I owe my partner sex just because it's what is expected.

It doesn't help that I work often times 10 hour days and just can't, or I don't have time to shower after work and feel gross, with no interest in sex. I've honestly begun to dislike when be tries to make a move on me. I feel so guilty and sad because of it, but I don't know anymore.

BlackRoseFairy · Accepted Answer

Intimacy is how a romantic relationship differs from a plain friendship. When you think of your fiance isn't there any feeling of lust at all? Any desire to be close to her, to make love to her, kiss her, etc? Have you ever felt this for some other woman maybe?

kaylaS91 · Answer

It’s hard to put into words but if I compare relationships I’ve been in/am currently in, intimacy is like the foundation upon which the romance is built. Being naked and side, often going further out of your comfort zone emotionally speaking by trying new things or simply riding on emotional highs, is the most vulnerable I can imagine feeling. If you find someone who you can not only trust, feel comfortable with, and even enjoy being in this state with, that’s like.. the ultimate trifecta.

Of course being best friends and close in the ‘just friends’ type of way is critical as well but I think love is when you can have that, plus the (oxytocin enforced) bonding that occurs thanks to the aforementioned trifecta.

Screenwriter · Answer

If you find discomfort in intimacy or sex, go see a professional and work out where these problems started. They are objective and they can help you solve your problem. Short term therapy usually takes about 13 weeks... Don't think it's some forever issue.

djmzes · Answer

Simple The day you find a banana tree giving apples will be the day you find the answer.

AustinMan · Answer

That sounds like a question for a good therapist. That's a deep and profound question and bears exploring plus you need some help to get your mojo back.

Account · Answer

I do not understand you. You claim that you do not have a desire for sex, yet you are considering the possibility of having an affair with another woman?

spuitkaas · Answer

Some people have more need for intimacy than others. I have a good friend of mine who has a boyfriend, but they rarely have sex. Not because they don't love eachother, but because they don't have a desire for it. Maybe you're that type of person, but you have to figure that out yourself.
Most people crave intimacy in a relationship though. It could also be that you have shut the intimate side of yourself off because of embarrassment etc. Maybe then you need to seek help.
You can find intimacy in many ways except having sex though.

kymberz · Answer

you have to feel intimacy with your partner - like you have to be able to read their mind and they have to be able to read yours and you have to be able to talk on top of each other and still follow what the other one is saying and you have to be in an-out-of-this-world trance for any and all of that to happen and if you are feeling left out? ditch her. and i am sorry if that hurts but she is not for you! your partner should make you weak at the knees, know all of your fantasies, love your favourite songs even if they hate them - and if not? ditch them. and wait for the right one!

bella4eva · Answer

Is it intimacy you have an issue with or the actual act of sex? N. B intimacy doesn't necessarily mean sex/intercourse, can mean hugging, kissing, cuddling on the sofa etc.

VIVANT · Answer

Just to be clear before I try to answer By Intimacy do you mean sex?   Bc To me sex is Only intimate if it is -you know?  Otherwise it’s sex 😊🤷‍♀️

Evilcharlie · Answer

Intimacy is very important in relationships as it bonds couples together & it lets both of you know your very special to each other as your having sex with only them so when you tell each other you love one another the intimacy just reinforces feelings shared by couples in relationships. No intimacy in relationships, love loses its meaning & becomes just a word thrown around with no definite meaning. No intimacy in a relationship is just a friendship & with no sex then best friends could take the role the spouse use to fill. I really don't how relationships will working out long-term with very little intimacy. I dated a girl that after we had sex twice, she let me know not to expect sex too often because it was not important to her. Needless to say after she expressed her lack of interest with having sex lead to us not dating much longer. Remembering that situation makes me think that people should decuss the sexual part it the relationship before getting married so it not a surprise later on.

MrNameless · Answer

because a relationship without sex is just a friendship

standingUP · Answer

I think you are thinking too much about it. You seem disturbed to be in a relationship. If it a feeling of unworthiness or fear that holds you back then that is easy enough to address.
Self acknowledgment is inventorying all your fears and resentments. That can be helped and or overcome.

If it the other person than that is out of your control.

Intimacy is sharing yourself with another person that you feel trust and comforted. If that person is incapable of expressing it then that's tough to manifest.
If it is you and you trust your partner then let yourself go. Open up your heart.

This partner did not cause the pain you are burdened with. She doesn't deserve to carry you past torches. That's unfair to her.
TRUST HER.
TRUST YOURSELF.
and GOD !

Kkhermosa01 · Answer

That’s just how humans work. Intimacy is always a thing

wagsingle · Answer

You may be a aromantic person. That's a person who doesn't have romantic feelings.   aromantic persons are not necessarily asexual. They may still be sexually attracted, but just don't connect sex with romance.

creepyperve · Answer

Have you told her all of this? I would, I'd tell her all about it, how I love that she enjoys our time and experiences, and that I wanna feel the same after, I wanna get the same satisfaction, if she's worth keeping she'll understand and try to support you maybe do a little more or whatever, point is that intimacy is a shared thing it's not something you give or get, and when it's shared and mutual there's nothing better in this whole life

GraveDoll · Answer

I really understand you soooooo much.

I struggle with the reality vs the fantasy part.

it like when the real part happen it like OK... I don't know it very hard for me to see why it that big of a deal. I know it for pro creating.

But i could go with out it and i can genuinely enjoy just being in a person company. I guess because conversation is my idea of true intimacy i guess. cuddling and all that i can take it in spurts.

Unfortunately my boyfriend and I struggle right now is he says I treat him like a lose friend. I hear this a lot but isn't he a friend?

I don't when you figure it out let me know.

WhiteShoulder · Answer

A. If you’re horny, it feels really good B. It lets your boyfriend or girlfriend know you have feelings for them and find them attractive and desirable

Dongtai · Answer

Because human beings are social creatures and need to few that they’re loved, are wanted and belong. So when two people decide to share lives, intimacy is the biggest way to tell a person

“Hey I want you here, you belong here with me and I love you.”

No intimacy or being with someone who doesn’t want intimacy can translate to

“Hey. I don’t want you. You don’t belong. I don’t love you.”

You can say otherwise but it’s one of those actions speak louder than words type of things. Intimacy in a relationship is like icing to a cake. It’s not complete without it.

R_ūshī · Answer

Intimacy is really important in a relationship. I don't really believe in platonic relationships. Intimacy helps bring you closer to your partner and strengthens your bond.

I've never had problems being intimate with my ex. With my current boyfriend though, it was a bit difficult because he's scared of making a bad move and ruining things. I was frustrated at first cause he was completely avoiding being intimate with me. He said that me being quiet and all made him think that I'm shy and uncomfortable with sexual stuff. But things are wayyy better now that we've talked about them.

I suppose that you've talked with them about how you feel with intimacy. Maybe talk about it more openly. I mean I didn't know what was going on with my boyfriend until I asked upfront and he openly explained everything in detail. Then I made the first move and now things are fine.

So yeah discussing things openly and finding solutions is always the best idea. If you're still having problems, you should see a therapist cause maybe things are more complex than a simple lack of interest.

Dargil · Answer

You don't have to understand it. You have to accept it.

Why is intimacy such a big deal in relationships?

Most Helpful Girls

Related Questions

What Girls & Guys Said

Latest Questions