(Please read the whole thing, and the update to question.) Will, I ever get over my past friends with benefits And stop loving him?

Erica34
I use to post so much about my friends with benefits and his behavior and the situation between us, on this site. People, have have help me and gave me some good advice and encourage me to move forwards. basically they was tired of hearing me go on about this time and every topic I post. But over all, they supported me. But anyways moving on, I finally took there advice and some of my friends as well, and blocked him out of my life. Yay!! Me.. Right? ... Well I don't feel as happy as I should, like at the beginning it was a relief. But now, I feel so overwhelmed with so many different emotions about him. I went beyond, my comfort zone and tested the waters with sleeping with someone, and I speak to many different guys. Some are attractive and very interesting to talk with. But there NOT! him and I realize this blockage that I am choosing to put between him and I. It doesn't feel right, lots of people that have mention to me, in times wounds will heal and I will get over him. Well, shit!! It's been 6 years and the same damn feelings hasn't changed. :(. I mean I don't feel as connected to him and close like we use to be, and some of my feelings have departed. But it's those moments when I am alone, and no one is around. I tend to think about him the most, just craving for his time and attention. I mean of course I can always unblock him, but see that's what I always do. So I'm trying not to repeat what I use to do. But anyways, him and I have a lot of history together he wasn't that terrible but he's not perfect, we get alone fine nowadays. He gets me, he understands me and he's not just there for me physically, he's there for me emotionally also. But also, he messes around with too many and I guess I am just not ready to handle that. But it drives me crazy- because I love this man, more then anything well besides God and my brother. To be continue...
Updates:
+1 y
. Yes, sex plays a lot on my emotions- after all, it was a sexual relationship on and off for 6 years now with him. I know at first it was just lust, but part of me wants to say that I am in love with him. But the other part of me wants to hate him, and when we aren't communicating. That's when I start missing him Like crazy. Like he means so much to me. but I bought some for a reason and I want to keep him block as long as I can. But, my heart is aching.
+1 y
Sometimes it makes be sad and I just want to cry. But I prefer to stay strong And to stick to what I said and did. And when I say I'm trying I am trying, out of sight out of mind. But him being away from me like this, I'm not sure what's happening. :'(. Help please any advice?
(Please read the whole thing, and the update to question.) Will, I ever get over my past friends with benefits And stop loving him?
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