I cheated but I love him?

Me and my boyfriend are long distance. I have never done well with long distance but it wasn’t an option. We also cannot FaceTime only letters.. it’s like he doesn’t exist, but I love him I truly do.. I just don’t know what it really feels like to be with him anymore:/
I've cheated on him. It all started to when I was raped at a party and I spiraled, I’ve been drinking a lot and doing things I would never normally do, alongside that I believe I am bipolar (therapist suggested it) however that does NOT excuse my actions... I just don’t know what to do anymore.. I do love him but this isn’t right and I don’t know how I’ll get past it.. I don’t want to tell him.. and if I did it would have to wait till he comes home around Christmas... please help
I cheated but I love him?
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