Lately I've been talking to a woman in her late 30s to get to know her and whilst our conversations have been quite long and have lasted a month now, i am finding her somewhat frustrating as she is sometimes vague and ignorant.
She's vague because she says she can do things to make a relationship great and her partner completely happy all round. But when i ask her how she ignores my questions.
She's ignorant because i feel she conveniently forgets things previously said for no good reason and so her responses seem autistic from her part and i get put off by her questioning everything i say (gaslighting me). So i was a 'tiny bit' manipulative myself to test her memory on something i know she's not comfortable doing and she miracuolosly remembers EVERYTHING i and her said previously 😁 WOW!
Anyway she said that theirs only a part of her mind that im privy to and have experience of. That there's a lot going on in her brain and she's very complex! She said i won't get everything out of her, full stop! I found this quite disheartening, is that how much she respects me? I feel that she has been trying to have me feel that i dont bring much value to her (gaslighting me) even though they throughout were complimenting me on things I've done recently and positively reinforcing my value to others.
When i tried to end the conversation politely and honestly that we aren't a good match, she decided to respond aggressively and put me down as though she invalidated me from the beginning. 😯 Has anyone else experienced a partner who refuses to be open with them. Did it last?
Updates:
1 y
A close friend of mine told me that the woman is the type that gets emotionally abused and physically abused by her partners leaves and then always goes back to them for more. They call themselves complex but actually they need therapy.
Shits Annoyingggg, basically any Sagittarius person. I think that that's what kept you around. If she won't tell u anything how r u Gunna know what to do with them. I find it hard. I always feel like I say the wrong thing, and I can't be myself. So more like being with a narcissist. I would look up narcissistic personality traits and see if it matches your description. Personally, I think there wasn't much to tell, and they're just excuses to use you. B well and remember your great, nothing's wrong with you for trying to find out information to better y'all's relationship. U did fine, and manipulating someone I'm sure u didn't do, u just needed closure to see if you were losing your mind! (You weren't) 🙃
Thank you, and you were close, I'm a libra person. I felt that maybe gradual building of trust would open her but she stayed the same and yeah it annoyed me. Mental health issues affect emotional bonding. Previously I connected with a girl I randomly met in person who had social anxiety she gave me her number and it took 6months to get her to feel comfortable showing a video or picture in her because she also had low self esteem she was an introvert who rarely left her house either unless she had to. But the eventuality i lost my mind as I developed feelings for her and so I unfriended her. It's not natural to have to try really hard to make ground. The person having to deal with the other person's mental health has to be super mature, but even they can like you said lose themselves.. the girl with social anxiety refused friendship again but I accept I probably hurt her by leaving her.
bacon 😜 A girl took me out literally in 2days of messaging her, she turned out to be even better than I could imagine. More so than the girls I regularly see everywhere I go. She is an introvert too. Yeah if you really like a guy you'd just go get it.
Sounds like games to me. Women love games. I am sorry women do, but a lot of women are crazy also. Crazy in a way that makes then think in a warped way. Maybe she thinks by saying she is complex that it makes her sound smart. Maybe she forgets things because you might be talking to two different people. Or is she forgetting convenient things? I know as a woman, I worked in the beauty field for 25 years. I have listened to most types of women. They think tricks and jokes are appropriate tests for their men. Or games to find out supposedly what the guy really thinks, usually guys just say what they think if you ask without any pressure.
I've not spoken to her since but we are still friended. I won't talk to her again. That was very rude of her and she has to accept consequence. If she even trys to talk to me i'll be slowly fading
If they sincerely told ME they are too complex to deal with, knowing me, well, then I would start to think this person might be the one for my life.
So far everyone was more like an open book - of course not that it's possible to read someone completely but it wasn't difficult to predict with satisfactory narrowness the direction of their next steps or their thoughts, to know approximately the borders of their thinking and perception and the like. So, the mystery or surprises due to their mind or being weren't on the agenda. Maybe this degree of inner complexity so that they can rightfully tell me they are too complex, if it turns out to be true in the end, is exactly the first sign of someone who might be able to live in harmonical coexistence with me. It could be pretty much, thanks for this thought:)
If you want someone who is quite complex, all I can say is good luck because you will receive a whole lot of emotional abuse when you get frustrated and angry at them for not connecting with you the same as they might with someone else. They may even put you behind their friends. Someone who is open has empathy, thinks rationally and isn't full of excuses. Having known a narccist its a slippery slope, you are the one who will be and be made to feel blamed and you'll have to fix it because they won't which defeats the object of learning.
Well, I have my own issues, pretty much so. It'd be fair. That's not what I meant, cause I don't think any of people you describe would dare to say they are complex to me; not difficult but complex, but let's view it like that:)
Probably in this case the opposite or they don't think much at all. I guess they thought (unknowingly) that you are "bilnd" enough to play round or two with you.
Ah, and about how perfect you are as personality, well, I don't think they asked wondered something like that, it's uncommon to do it just so even on deeper levels of consciousness
so i have very little sympathy if they tell me they were sexually assaulted, emotionally abused etc etc. Playing with a guy as though they think he's ignorant is going to get these women into serious trouble. They are causing their own problems. Complex? no, i know what their game is. Once i worked it out, they accuse me of not knowing to categorically deny it. I find these types disgusting, their attitude is to appear like victims, when they deserved it. So yeah, if they wouldn't dare say they are complex to you, it's because you're easily manipulated and haven't challenged them on their behaviour, you may not even know what they are doing is wrong. My gut feeling however is that you yourself are a narrcisist and you're trying to wind me up. You dont like it when people know your game
Nope, it's because they would see with me a game is almost impossible. But whatever, it does not matter:) Oh yeah, I am probably am. As I said, they couldn't play with me, because I KNOW the games having my own issues. And that is why I said it's fair. See the logic now?
by the way i was the first one to say she's complex, i was trying to stroke her ego and act like i dont know what she is. That was the moment she felt like she could play, it backfired as she only confirmed what i suspected. So how can she say she's too complex for me? lol Narccisst vs Narccisst relationships aren't going to work 😁 you can't prey on each other...
Well, they just might, they just might work:) Well, if they just like me, like a fair play, then we might choose each other. But we are talking about very special narcissism anyways, I won't elaborate, but y case and then her potential case too are not only toxic, they are many things asidef from toxic. Ahh, that's the story. Now it looks like you controlled the situation the whole time, well, then I feel sorry for them lol.
lol okay, i personally think you won't like it, you need someone to care about you and not be cold. Opposites attract, i dont mind a soft narccist, they can be very loving. I hope you do find mutual connection with a narccist and prove me wrong tho. Im not always right. cheers for the convo
It happened to me, my ex was narcissistic. He refuses to open with me, behaved like your girlfriend, and wanted to know EVERYTHING! Was difficult and tired, and then I noticed that even if I have feelings for him, he didn't gonna change. I said goodbye to him and zero contact. Eventually, he told me to come back, but I ignored him. As an advice, say goodbye to her, you gonna suffer a lot and she gonna confuse you about how works a real and good relationship. P. S: read about narcissism gonna help you to understand and deal with her.
Yeah the questioning of everything is gaslighting a way of slowly wearing you down to the point you feel worthless. Glad you had the strength to cut him off for good.
I am usually very closed off to people I don't know well. For example, some of my coworkers or new coworkers. I don't immediately open up to people. But when I start to trust someone and like them I am very open and honest. I always worry I won't be able to find a partner that will open his heart to me and share how he thinks and feels
When women say stuff like that bro, its a big red flag! My ex said her life was complicated, but I didn't hold it against her. I thought her life was complicated, not HER. She was a mess! Best thing I ever did was end things. Wasted tons of time and energy That woman is broken bruv </3 :(
What is wrong with autism, it's a challenge we have to deal with and if you find yourself normal and can not feel comfortable with it just leave find someone else I see you have no exact question you just sharing a story before sleeping
I guess if you love a person you won't care if they are autistic or forgetful or handicaped You don't love her so leave The end
i am truly sorry, i didn't mean to paint a bad light on autism, i respect people have disability. I tried to help this woman not feel isolated and actually she felt a lot better talking to me, but her negativity made me feel uncomfortable, not so much her mental health. My question was how would you feel if your partner told you they were "too" complex to deal with? and if it lasted
I told you that if you love her you will find a way And You like all "normal " people moke of autistics as if they are stupids but I don't care about what you think, to your info autism means far intelligence than normal
eh no i dont, i was friends and dated an autistic girl for over 5-6yrs, i dont think she was stupid at all. I helped her out of depression, so dont assume the worst of people thanks
Anonymous
1 y
I’ve done that, but I also have a mild case of PTSD so it can be hard for me to open up about it (I’ve had guys try to force me to tell them what caused it, which only pushed me away further). She sounds like she’s just trying to play with you though, or she’s shit testing you. Don’t go along with it.
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Anonymous
1 y
My partner told me that there's always something wrong with her, that she doesn't know why I stay with someone so messed up and damaged.
It upsets me but I always reassure her that we are in it together
@chocobrowniemonster That is hard to decide, I believe I would just be friends with her and explain to her how you feel, I just think when one has mental illness and they don't get help, they can bring us down?
@chocobrowniemonster Yeah best wishes on that cause I know how mental illnesses can be, I got mental illness and dated girls with mental illness trust me it's not easy to do the next girl I date better be stable before we date or form a relationship.
I think she isn't, she puts that on which is why she refused to answer my questions. an actual complex person would read between the lines and their actions would speak louder than their words.
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