I cheated on my boyfriend! Yes you read that right and I need to know how to cope with it?

I never thought I would ever do something like this. One of the top things on my list of things I could never do to somebody is to cheat on them.

I have been with my boyfriend for a year. On good days we are amazing and on bad days I feel hopeless. He tells me what I can and can’t wear and will call me retarded or a whore if I fight what he says. He throws constant threats towards me if I need a mental break after a fight, telling me if I need a break he’s just going to block me and be done. I can never heal from our arguments, I am constantly smothered and I always feel overwhelmed.

Even when he says I don’t deserve to be with someone with the amount of problems he has (criminal record, no license, 20k in debt, a baby from a previous relationship), he won’t accept it if I ever try and leave. He threatens to come knocking on my door if I do.

I cheated with a coworker. Someone my boyfriend always accused me of liking or doing stuff with when I never did anything. I got sick of the constant accusations and the overwhelming anxiety and I finally did it. Of course I feel terrible but I am the one who is always giving and giving in this relationship and I am tired of it. When he’s good, he’s super generous and loving but he is always faced with a new problem that I end up having to save him from. I feel emotionally abused.

What do I do?
2 mo
I will respect all opinions written here but please don’t call me names. I was that person who never thought I’d do anything like this, EVER. Until you’re emotionally smothered and literally feel stuck, lost and confused, please don’t insult or judge me.
2 mo
I’d like to add an update to this question for all the controlling assholes out there calling me a whore. First of all I’ve slept with 5 men in my life. Second, it’s hilarious how you men think you can abuse us emotionally and physically, think you can control what we wear, what we do and who we speak to but the MOMENT we stop taking your shit, WERE the bad people? I didn’t deserve HIM? are some of you insane? I know what I did was very wrong but how could some of you even justify that?
I cheated on my boyfriend! Yes you read that right and I need to know how to cope with it?
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