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As they should be. Its something that is usually a sign of something wrong within the relationship. If you can come to terms with what has happened and work through the anger and the sense of loss then there is hope. But only if you can get to the root cause and sit down and discuss it properly without holding back, then there is a chance for healing. How things move forward depend on the people involved.
@Tom1089 Sometimes, people cheat simply because they don't respect their relationship and they crave the excitement of breaking the rules and doing someone new.
That is true, but then why would they feel that is there only option. It isn't but its the easiest way of not having to face facts and having your cake and eating it. There are many ways of having excitement in life and not all of them revolve around sex. Is a relationship revolving around lies and deceit really worth it in the long run. I dont think so. Having the courage to explain why before it gets to that stage is where I'm coming from. Everyone has choices to make. And I think it means different things between males and females. If everything in a relationship is fine why cheat?
You are talking about working on a relationship before cheating happens and of course I agree with you. Pay attention to your relationship and make it your priority.There question is asking about relationships in which cheating has already happened.
I have personally been there it is salvageable. But both parties have to be able to sit down and discuss everything. And work out if they want to continue together.
It is not salvageable if the victim feels that it is unforgivable. And if you do stay together, how does the victim ever again trust the offender without simply choosing to be in denial?
It takes a long time belive me but it is possible. I would know.
@Tom1089 You may be right, but you don't know what lies in the future and that is when it may show. Someone can pretend that they trust you for the purpose of holding a relationship together, especially if there are children involved. The real test may lie ahead.And you may be right. Maybe some people cal simply forget the past so much that they trust you as if you have never violated their confidence and trust. . . but I don't think most people are capable of the forgetting that would be required to regain absolute trust.
No no one knows what lies in the future. Its not a question of forgetting its about being able to forgive. And move on one way or the other. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication from both parties, sometimes its salvageable sometimes its not i think it depends on the maturity and the ability to converse about emotions and feelings and reasons that drove someone to be unfaithful in the first place. There is always a reason. I dont think its justifiable but everyone makes mistakes some worse than others its what makes us human.
@Tom1089 The ability to forgive is not necessarily a sign of maturity, unless you are the one who needs to be forgiven. Then, of course, that is how you see it."everyone makes mistakes some worse than others" Well, what mistake is worse than cheating on your spouse? Perhaps. . . murdering your children, chopping off your spouses arms, and other things of that order. If you need to be forgiven, of course you don't want to see your behavior as THAT reprehensible, but it is. I have never been the offender, but I have been the victim, and I can assure you that my lack of forgiveness does not mean that I am not mature. I tolerated MUCH from that woman before her cheating was revealed.
Great words, @OlderAndWiser
I agree that it isn't a sign of maturity necessarily. But there has to be in order to not fly off the handle and be able to sit down and work through things in a civil manner I think from my side there was a lot of pressure to leave my wife and move on from friends not necessarily family. And seeing the different way people react to the situation shows a certain amount of emotional maturity. To be able to cope with the information and work through to a logical conclusion Was my point.It doesn't have to black and white.There are many things worse than cheating in this world the obvious being rape murder trafficking I'm sorry for what happened to you by the sounds of things. I didn't mean to upset you that was never my intention.So I go back to the initial question, yes it is possible, its incredibly hard and takes a lot of time and effort from both the victim and the person in the wrong. And depends on the circumstances and what both parties want going forward.
@Tom1089 I thought it was very mature of me to not pull out a gun and shoot her, but someone else pointed out that I don't actually own a gun so it wasn't necessarily maturity that prevailed that day. :)
Hahaa unfortunately I live in a country where guns are not that easy to come by otherwise he would of been probably a bit more scared of his actions considering he was married with 2 children at the time. I spent a fair bit of time speaking to his wife. Those were interesting conversations belive me.
"Could be your fault for not being there enough, and or not meeting needs."While I do think that it's wrong to not be present in a relationship and to neglect your partner, I don't think it justifies cheating. You have so many more options to go through, that I simply don't understand how cheating could ever be a legitimate choice. You talk things out with your partner, express your wants/needs and make it clear that you can't stay in a relationship if you're unhappy. If they keep making you unhappy, you break up. It's that simple. Cheating doesn't fit into the equation. It's just an easy way out for people who don't want to deal with things and would rather snake their way through the issues in their life.
Let's say they told you they cheated not long (maybe a couple days) after it happened.
Strike one. If I find out from someone else and they don't tell me soon after, of their own volition, they're gone. Otherwise they are gone as soon as they reach strike 3.
That’s what an open relationship is.
@On_cloud_wine I think people misread what I meant and that’s why I got so many downvotes. Has anyone seen the movie “the good Shepherd” with Matt Damon? He was deployed overseas with the OSS (early CIA) for five years during WW2 and was estranged from his wife. When he came back home they had an honest conversation if they had seen anyone else during that long time. They both admitted they did with no hurt/animosity towards each other. You can’t expect someone to stay loyal for that extended amount of time. That’s the very rare exception I’m talking about. If two people are split up for an extended amount of time they need to have a chat on what’s realistic.
Speak for yourself. The question asked if cheating was unforgivable. It isn’t. No exception. I wouldn’t put myself in a position to date anyone over seas because I know exactly what happens.
I have a feeling your in law enforcement or in the military considering all that you’ve told me so far.
Marriage is marriage. If you wanna create your own rules, both parties will have to agree, but then, I wouldn’t really consider that a marriage anyway. Nothing more than a piece of paper when you put it that way.
@On_cloud_wine I’ve done lots of traveling. But I’ve only cheated on one girl in my entire life. It was my first girlfriend at 16. I confessed it to her and a week later she not surprisingly broke up with me. I made a vow to never cheat on a girl again. I can proudly say that over 20 years later I haven’t. But I know I’ve been cheated at least once (it wasn’t confirmed but I’m one girlfriend from 6 years ago did this bs).
YOU SAID IT’S OK TO CHEAT! “We’re at the 6 months mark, hun... I’ll send you a homemade sex video of the new chick I bang tonight. I’m just letting you know in advance just to get it out of the way now since we’re going to eventually confess to each other next time we’re together.” Wait.. confess is not the right word.. This is expected and tolerated. No apologies necessary.
@On_cloud_wine no I didn’t say that. But I guess you haven’t seen the movie “the Good Shepherd”. It’s not justifying cheating. In fact she later got furious at him when he finally consummated his long time crush (deaf girl he met in college) as she should of. I’ve been fucking cheated on before. It was wrong very wrong. But I didn’t use that as an excuse to cheat on someone else.
Your butt hurt rants do not justify cheating.
@On_cloud_wine wtf are you talking about? Now your being a cunt. I haven’t fucking cheated on anyone!
@On_cloud_wine. your are very simple minded aren’t you? Well best of luck.
Lmfao look at the pink dislikes you got. It only proves that you are in the right
@TruthBringer Hahaha. How dare I, right? They wanna have their cake and eat it too, thus, they expect I just overlook their cheating cunts and take them back (so they can do it again)? Nah mate, they have made their choice and have effectively downgraded themselves to a piece of meat with a pleasure hole and that's all they are and that is how they will be treated from that moment on.Who likes being responsible?I do.I think so do you.
I think the "ladies" who disliked your comment think it's inappropriate for you to use someone who has CHEATED on you for sex. And yeah, just give her false hope and use her as a cum hole. Then gracefully move to someone better
@TruthBringer That's what I'm talking about m8 ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
What does "God" have to do with any of this? Lol
@Winkiwu Our laws and behavior are supposed to be based upon God's desires for us.
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