How do I get rid of my resentment towards my mother?

Anonymous
My mother is an alcoholic and has been for the past couple of years and was getting progressively worse along with taking her prescription medication and with marijuana all at the same time. My mother has used me multiple times for “grocery’s” which is half true when the majority of the time she would also buy vodka with my money and such more. I love her and I hate her. When she drinks she becomes a huge bitch and becomes emotionally unstable and tells me about how her life is so fucked up. I mean I know it’s been fucked up her life and all. But whenever I go to her to talk about something it’s always “ my life is worse than you’re life get over it” I never got a hug or a word of any source of I guess validation. I guess that’s what you call an attention whore though. But recently I’ve been becoming fed up with her antics and have been attacking her physically it’s like I see red when I see her drunk. She keeps making promises to me that she keeps breaking. I had never actually hit her I would usually just push her away, until a few days ago when she had drank so much alcohol she would’ve probably blown a.40 or higher (which has happened before) and hit her in the face and gave her a black eye that’s pretty bad and I absolutely fucking hate that I did that to her but I don’t understand why my mind wants to hurt her so bad or how to control my anger. I love her I don’t know what I would do without my mom, she's my mom.. and I know I can’t control people. I don’t want her to die from this disease , I really really don’t. Please help me. I need to know how to deal with a relapsing alcoholic.
How do I get rid of my resentment towards my mother?
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