How can I get over anger I feel to my mom?

first of all, my mom doesn't like me. since my childhood, she abused me, beat me etc. and never showed me even little love. if we would go to somewhere, if i was hungry, she ate first and forgat about me all the time. she always picked up best part of food and didn't care rest of the family.
she lives for herself just. she always dressed me as a homeless and dressed like a queen for herself.
she never spent me money, never said any lovely word ever. so normally, i hate her too as well.

now im 19 and i try to hide my anger to her. unfortunately, i can't move from home currently.
i earn money and after i get money, 1 year before i mean, she started to be nice. she tries to hug me whenever she wants money. i can't say no. because she knows source of my money and blackmails me when i say no.
when she tries to hug me, i always stop her and look at her with disgusted face mood. she starts to acting and cry like ' why are u like this? i try to love u!' and i know that shits all for my money.

also she always makes my father agressive to me for no reason. she is worse than step mother.

MAIN QUESTION: Everytime i argue with her so badly about even little things, i have very big anger to her. I can't call it hate, im still needy little girl for her love. But im just angry to her for my traumas and current life i choosed with affections from that relationship. how can i get over that anger?

P. S: Growing up without love made me whore. Unfortunately im escort in my country and i love attentions from guys.
1 y
also she is the main reason of my alcoholism.
How can I get over anger I feel to my mom?
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