Can we chose who we fall in love or is it by chance?

What determines who we fall in love with? Why are we able to fall in love with certain people but not others?

I'm learning about the Attachment theory and I'm trying to figure out love and relationships. I used to think you could choose who you fall in love with based on the fact that you choose who to date. Over the years my "type" has changed drastically to the point where I feel like I'm clueless.
Recently I've been dating a guy that is perfect for me. He's kind, hard working, humble, good to his parents, easy going. We share same values and he's dating for the purpose of marriage as me, we're both 28. But I don't feel anything for him, no attraction no feelings of love or infatuation. Is it something that just happens or do we have to somehow allow it to happen?

With my ex it was instant connection when our eyes met. Before we even had a conversation. At the time I thought it was an infatuation that would go away quickly but we fell in love and had a good & safe relationship.

So why do we fall in love in with some people without even making an effort and others even with much effort it just doesn't happen? With my ex I knew it would be difficult for us to have a future together. Could the possibility of a marriage make me not fall in love with a person?
I honestly feel like I don't know anything
Can we chose who we fall in love or is it by chance?
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