Advice on how to move on?

vannefftor
A girl I started dating over 3 years ago ended up in the same online class as me this semester. She was the only serious relationship I had been in and she wanted too much when I was too young and not mature enough to commit.

Very long story short, I cheated on her bc of various trust issues & having been cheated on in the previous 3 relationships I had been in - that's all I really knew at the time.

It was a notably sad and messy breakup and we were hesitant to stop communicating until one day it all just ended and we blocked each other because that was the only way we seemed to be able to cut ties cleanly.

Well, over 2 years now after our breakup and she's in one of my English courses and we have to of all goddamn things critique each other poems once every couple of weeks. It's hell. Not because she can't write that well, even though she can't, but because I can hear her ways of talking, her isms and views on life seeping into her writing and narratives and it's been stirring up old wounds something severe. I've had both dreams and nightmares about her ever since and I previously had thought I was over the whole thing until this class.

I have never had someone like her, and what with the quarantine and being generally anti social and anxious now, the emphasis on wanting something real at this point in my life is equally emphasized by deep loneliness and now tends to continually draw back to this time when I was close as hell to having the type of relationship that I can't seem to have now.. Obviously not with her but.. I'm seeking peace.

Any advice on how to move forward would be appreciated - particularly non-conjectural-judgemental points of view.
Thanks.
Advice on how to move on?
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