I don’t know why or what it is but each and every time my boyfriend hits me just because he gets upset at the smallest things and loses his temper, he apologize s and I forgive him. I even tell him I forgive him after he goes on and on about how he’ll change and won’t do it again just to do it again anyway and knowing this I still forgive him. Even though I say I forgive him, deep down I know I don’t but I care about him and I have so much hope in him changing, I pretend to be past it but I’m not. I flinch whenever he yells or whenever he holds his hand up just to even make a gesture. Very few times he has gotten upset over something and instead of hitting me, he walked out the room but out of fear that’ll he’ll come back and decide to attack me, because he has done that before and you just never know with him I once was literally so afraid of what he would do when he came back into the room that I snuck out his window and left and I made it to the bus stop but the bus didn’t come fast enough and he caught me and once again sweet talked me into coming back. He has broken my phone and I literally had to wait two weeks until I got paid again to fix it and I pretended it was no big deal and that I could use a crack phone for two weeks only because I knew if I asked him about fixing it with his money, he would have once again lashed out on me. I’m confused, depressed, tired emotionally and mentally and I’m afraid to tell anyone.