Why do partners not share on what's bordering them?

[jennifer_bloom]

I used to know a guy that was interested in me who told me virtually nothing about his life - I think he had performance anxiety in social situations and wanted to hide his bad traits so that I’d be more willing to date him - when I told him I was with another guy and could not date him, his true colours came out and I realized what an awful person he was as he no longer pretended to be good around me

[btbc92]

Because that's exactly what a person is afraid of. That it will break down the relationship. While there's some truth in aspect that it can't create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Sometimes when you are just with the wrong kind of person, it just happens anyway. For an example. They're just some things I don't care what some of my friends and family, parents excetera. It doesn't mean that I'm not open to share them. Because that's just something about that individual or compassion experience that the person may not be open or maybe emotionally dismissed what I have to say. As you can see. There's a lot of angry people on here that will take advantage of you emotionally and trying to downplay what you have to say. Especially the toxic males on here that want to say how you're too emotional and not realized that what they're saying is emotional abuse. For those exact reasons, is why women especially don't want to communicate with such partners. Because everything you say becomes a conflict. And if you already conflict avoidant then that's even worse. A lot of people that are peacemakers don't want conflict. They don't want yelling, they don't want screaming, they don't want to stir up the volume, they don't want that. Especially if you're a person like me he's do what with that almost every day. After awhile you become so that if either make you feel numb to the dysfunction, or you become part of the dysfunction yourself, or you're greatlyAffected by it.

And a lot of people sadly don't give a damn about the others feelings because they want their self-serving desires to be validated get it another words most people in relationships become nauseous today. And those that want to please their partner becomes people pleasing doormats. Yet that may not be their character when they're not in a relationship with others. In other words. You're not only just stepping on eggshells, but anything could just be "its over" and then your crushed.

Put it like this. The more you not just emotionally invested in a relationship. If you spiritually, mentally, physically, sexually which is way worse, Etc. The more harder it is for you to get out of a toxic relationship. So it's a mixture of a lot of things. But the biggest one of them all is selfishness of the other person so it makes you feel like you don't have a voice. And if a person God forbid tries to force you to speak on Mafia then not only do we used panic, but now you feel guilt and shame. And these are just small things that a lot of people don't want to recognize in a relationship. They're so busy looking at themselves they don't see what's right in front of them that's impacting their relationship with the other person.

I came to a realization over the years even though I never dated anyone. If somebody made me feel like that I rather not be involved with them. So if you have a family member, friend, whoever it is that person is to you. Unless you are married, are highly invested with an individual before sex even happens. And why you don't want to risk having sex before marriage let alone kid. Get out of that relationship. Let them be with people who are on their level, and you'll be with a person who's on your level. Don't try to force compatibility. I don't care how attractive they look, I don't care if they got everything you want or need in a relationship. How they treat you is going to be key. Cuz that's how they'll treat you for the rest of your life.

[caring__1]

People don't share for multiple reasons. The two most common tend to be either they don't feel safe to be that vulnerable or they fear losing their investment.

People often share feelings more when the relationship is new, as they haven't invested anything and have nothing to lose. The more they invest in the relationship, the greater the potential loss, so it is common to avoid sharing what might lead to conflict or lead to instability.

Don't say people should feel safe with you. Criticism is so common that most people aren't even aware of how others might perceive their words as critical. Chances are, if you use the word "you" the other person will take it as an accusation or criticism. If you want people to open up, sharing what you've discovered works best for you is more inviting than pointing out what you don't like or what they did wrong.

Show that you care enough to want to understand their thoughts and feelings, so those thoughts and feelings can be incorporated into whatever decisions are made together. Seek clarification, but never be judgmental of what the other says. Ask for examples of how it might look rather than say it won't work. Saying, "You'll fall and break your arm if you climb on top of that fence" is only challenging them to climb up and prove you wrong. Help them to see what they have to gain by sharing their feelings by modeling the behavior with them and others.

[Elsa143]

Exactly it breaks the relationship. I HATE SECRETS even if it is about thinking something continously and not telling me.
By hiding things, It only shows lack of respect, care, love and trust from the other partner.
If he's secretive then why the f*ck he came in a relationship? True Friendship and relationships are about sharing things. There are BILLIONS of other people you can be secretive with but not with your close people!!! If they have trust issues then they can slowly open up. If they still don't open up then they need to break up because they don't trust their partner. So what's the point of being in a relationship without trust and closeness?

[RoxyFoxx]

It's a combination of two things: lack of trust and fear of being perceived negatively. Think of all the times you did something wrong but lied to your parents. Why did you do that? Is there anyone closer to you than your own parents? If there are things we cannot tell our parents, then how can we tell them to someone who's almost a complete stranger.
It's very easy to look at others or at yourself in retrospect and say: How foolish they/I are/was? But when the moment comes, our courage always comes up short.

[jace13]

Starts with how a person is raised. Many households have the mindset of children should be seen and not heard. This creates a life long pattern of not corrected. People have also had multiple instances where what they felt was invalidated, repeat that process enough people simply stop expressing. Another is perceived outcome... What they think it know an outcome will be if they do speak up, fear of being left, shamed, laughed at, cause the other to become angry or sad.
The thought of what happens after they express, will things improve, did they waste their breath, will it be used against.

Different reasons of why not to.

Takes strong individuals to fully express.

[winterfox10]

Sometimes they don't actually understand what the problem is, or they feel like the problem isn't a very big deal. Sometimes you don't tell your partner what's bothering you because they won't handle things well, and telling them would be more trouble then the issue is worth.

[Trooper205]

To those who do, I think it's an internal feeling like
"They don't need to know, it'll burden them"
"It's not their business"
"It'll break us up"
"They'd think I'm crazy"
"I'll look foolish"
"I need to be strong"
Or many other things in mind.

[glock33sig357]

For Men: The fear of ridicule or the topic becoming an argument and material for future emotional blackmail for the woman.
For Women : She expects the man tof be a mind reader/ pick up on her subtle physical or emotional cues to then lead him into an argument so that she can cleverly blame him for being the reason for her delema instead of being upfront and honest on what is bothering her.

[ColHathi]

I don't have a special someone to share that with, but either way I tend to keep all that negative stuff to myself when I know it's not gonna help to talk about. If they can't help me, then I'm just gonna worry them and depress myself. Why would I do that?

[Anonymous]

Because it is difficult.

I have not spoken to my girl for over a month. And she texted today asking me to install some game.

I was very closed off. Still am to others. But now I hate that I was open to her and got this habit of confining to her. How do I tell her that?

It sucks. It is never easy.

[Anonymous]

I'll usually give it three chances. But you ladies are emotionally retarded when it comes to men, and usually cut us off and tell us we have it all wrong instead of acknowledging how we feel.

So after the third try, I just keep it to myself because I know I'm wrong for feeling how I actually feel instead of how I'm "supposed to feel".

[fireheart105]

Because I've been trained all of my life, through life experiences with family, friends, and past relationships, not to share or else they will throw it back in my face, say it's my fault, or just tell me I'm wrong or flat out ignore me

[triff]

When you are in a relationship ( especially from the male side ) you want to protect your partner from certain things that might be affecting you or happening it maybe wrong but its like a traditional built in to one's mind

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i learned the hard way that holding things in will eventually make u explode and release it all at once in the end. And well there's just no going back after that. So luckily i’ve spoken my piece immediately for any relationships i was in this year. No time to waste. If we won't work we just won't work

[bulltaker]

We do know it, but for whatever reason, we manage to screw it up, my fiance and I just ended a long relationship for that very reason, I felt neglected and pulled back, and of course that triggered a neglected feeling for her so she pulled back, wasn't long until we were in a death spiral.

[SphynxUK]

Some people are just private, and prefer to deal with it themselves. Sometimes this is ok. Other times it can be detrimental to them and of course eventually the relationship.

[ChiTown33]

Same reason guys don't share feelings, fear of judgement. But it could also be out of love. Nobody wants to be with someone who's negative and complains all the time. So by witholding they could be doing to protect yor relationship.

[AshleyTaylorDanny]

We don't... none of us can hide it when something bothers us.. we each can feel when something does and we talk.

[evangeline777]

You mean "bothering"?
Only people who are not mature to be in a relationship will not share.

[jizzyjay]

They dont want to burden others.
Its their burden.
Theyre scared u won't understand.
They scared it will escalate in a way they don't want.
Etc

[Sparda20xx]

Because in the past when I opened up it was used agaisnt me. Eventually you learn not to do that

[Agape93]

Sometimes it’s either way too personal, or sharing it gives zero benefits.

[Luna1998]

Or sometime keeping it in actually is what is holding on the relationship a little longer

[Dchrls78104]

Because they may be worried about the reaction of the other partner.

[MysteriousDarkness]

I think you meant to say bothering instead of bordering.

[SunnySri]

Maybe, because they don't want to bother them or make them worry.

[chrispy_008]

Personally I do it as I feel like I'm being a burden to them and it's just easier to push it down and get on with it

[Anonymous]

So does sharing them though.


Basically it’s lose lose.
Flip and coin and hope everything doesn’t catch fire. That’s all you can’t do.

[LEADFOOTboi]

cuz modern people are allergic to fixing anything... we are a replacement society...

[Anonymous]

Men in general just don't like to burden their partners also because their partners can also not like expressive men and men are capable of dealing with it

[TheAfrikan]

Since we do think that we might get hold of that which seems to bother us.

[Anonymous]

Because woman don't like when a man does that. They will lose respect in the guy and see him weak. There are also a bigger chance that the girl will leave him.

[AdamPereira2]

because I've lost everyfeeling inside of me my soul is no longer full its now empty

[Shananonononon]

Women lose respect for a man that's in his feelings, that's why

[piyush8527]

It deoends from person to person for ke i don't share ky feelings cause my partner didn't care

[townhouse]

Cause opportunitys pass me by cause she bottled jobs clients work family

[Ally247]

Some people find it difficult to open up

[Kayla45]

Could be off-putting to the significant other

[Gedaria]

True , you have a good point...

[guesswhoseback]

Wore too much of a special kind of a deodorant.

[key_statistics]

A lack of trust and/or closeness.

[pizzalovershouse]

Probably cuz they dont want to sound depressing

[Whtevernever]

To my partner, Mexico and Canada.

[mrgspoter]

It might be annoying?

[legion6969]

Civilians are stupid, appreciate nothing.

[Samhanks]

You mean BOTHERING them?

[In_Trance]

No trust

[lpoots]

why should a person