Dump him or stay with him?

Question

So I’m with this guy who’s an absolute piece of trash. He mistreats me and is only using me for sex. He thinks I’m stupid and can’t tell that he’s a liar and a manipulator. It’s honestly pathetic.

I know that I deserve better. I’m attractive, young and incredibly smart. I’m also a very giving person and I make it my job to respect and cherish everyone I meet. He isn’t anything like me in this regard. He has a few redeeming qualities, but they aren’t nearly enough.

what should I do?

Answer 1

Smurphanie

Xper 2

Honestly only you yourself can truly answer that question honestly. What it comes right down to is the bottom line DO YOU HONESTLY AMD TRULY love this man and can you see past his faults and live with thean he is? I say this because he sounds by you description that he could possibly be a NARC. I have been married to a sociopathic malignant narcissist for 26 years. i have been told since before I married him that I should leave him because he doesn't treat me right and I have had a lot of friends stop coming around because they say that can't stand how he treats me. He has never been physically abusive but he is verbally and emotionally abusive. Even my kids (all 3) ask me why I haven't left him and say I should but honestly I love him therefore I choose to deal with all the bullshit that comes with him.

Answer 2

DevilishDarling

Xper 4

Girl, come on, you already know the answer you're just looking for permission. Get rid of him and stop wasting your time. You are a person of value, so value yourself and leave the toxic individual. Bare minimum qualities? No hunny, let that go.

Asker

27 d
thanks 😭

Answer 3

Asker

thanks 😭

Answer 4

knottywriter

Xper 5

Honestly I think by your own writing of this explanation that you know what you should do. When your first line is that he is trash, that should say all you need to know. You deserve better if your character is as you say. You're a precious human being that does not deserve that. Find someone who cares and gives to others the same way you do. You'll be so much happier and more fulfilled that way.

Asker

27 d
Thank you. I know I deserve better but it’s still really hard
knottywriter

27 d
It always is hard. I stayed with an abusive now ex wife for years longer than I should have. But sometimes you have to take care of yourself. If you need any help or suggestions, I'm always here to help if you feel like messaging me. Always open to giving advice or helping someone work through something like this.
Asker

27 d
thank you very much. It means a lot to me. I’m sorry about your ex wife, but I’m glad you seem to be doing better now. Being mistreated by someone who has made you care about them is awful

Answer 5

Asker

Thank you. I know I deserve better but it’s still really hard

Answer 6

knottywriter

It always is hard. I stayed with an abusive now ex wife for years longer than I should have. But sometimes you have to take care of yourself. If you need any help or suggestions, I'm always here to help if you feel like messaging me. Always open to giving advice or helping someone work through something like this.

Answer 7

Asker

thank you very much. It means a lot to me. I’m sorry about your ex wife, but I’m glad you seem to be doing better now. Being mistreated by someone who has made you care about them is awful

Answer 8

Myk13 | 171 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 6

Unless the sex is phenomenal, take out the trash and go find yourself a real man that will treat you right. No, that’s not right. Now that I’m thinking about it. The women that I had the most outstanding sex with, I would never even dream of taking them home to meet my mother. So I guess just kick him to the curb. Best of luck.

Answer 9

DJB72 | 98 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 7

Dump him.

You may want to consider talking him into getting a vasectomy first. Your description of him sounds like someone who should not reproduce...

Asker

27 d
True 😂

Answer 10

Asker

True 😂

Answer 11

Anonymous

From reading this it sounds like you already know the answer. He doesn't deserve you and you shouldn't settle for less. Dump him and go find someone who respects and values you. Good luck!

Asker

26 d
thank you so much

Answer 12

Asker

thank you so much

Answer 13

Thatasianlove16

Xper 5

Well you obviously have little to no respect for him so leave

Answer 14

Hangry22 | 627 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

Dump him. Otherwise you would become so attached that you can't leave

Answer 15

madgoat | 1.3K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

It's your call. But as you've written it here, I think you probably know what you should do.

Answer 16

bklynbadboy1 | 1.5K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

Honestly I think you already know what you need to do. Definitely dump him he's not worth your time move on to bigger and better life is too short to be catering to someone who doesn't care about you.

Answer 17

Lottifan

Yoda

If you’re not happy with the way he’s treating you get out of the relationship. Things won’t get better in fact they will probably get worse.

Answer 18

Pulseofsulfur | 61 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 6

Dump him. Honestly if he's just using your sexual organs for pleasure and doesn't like the rest of you then dump him and find a man that'll love all of your imperfections and beauty

Answer 19

TallAnon | 733 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

Seems like you don't see a future with him, so get rid of him already.

Answer 20

Anonymous

Well, why settle for less if you can have the best.

Answer 21

Anonymous

obviously leave him. out of the 7.8 billion people on this world, a guy like him isn't significant at all, no offense.

Asker

27 d
I know. I just feel like quitting isn’t an option even though I know I should do better for myself
Opinion Owner

27 d
walking away is ALWAYS an option. never second guess yourself over something you know you've already thought through.
Asker

27 d
I feel like if I give up now I’ll never know if he’s actually decent or not. Like maybe I haven’t given myself a chance to see who he really is? I don’t know. I think I’m a pretty good judge of character but I don’t what to quit because I could always be wrong
Show All Show Less
Opinion Owner

27 d
think about it, when you want someone you will always put in effort. if he hasn't fixed his by act now, then he never will. trust your gut. the fact that you're on here asking for advice on this shows how much you've been overthinking this. Dont hurt yourself trying to protect him.
Asker

27 d
Thanks so much

Answer 22

Asker

I know. I just feel like quitting isn’t an option even though I know I should do better for myself

Answer 23

Opinion Owner

walking away is ALWAYS an option. never second guess yourself over something you know you've already thought through.

Answer 24

Asker

I feel like if I give up now I’ll never know if he’s actually decent or not. Like maybe I haven’t given myself a chance to see who he really is? I don’t know. I think I’m a pretty good judge of character but I don’t what to quit because I could always be wrong

Answer 25

Opinion Owner

think about it, when you want someone you will always put in effort. if he hasn't fixed his by act now, then he never will. trust your gut. the fact that you're on here asking for advice on this shows how much you've been overthinking this. Dont hurt yourself trying to protect him.

Answer 26

Asker

Thanks so much

Answer 27

Anonymous

Well clearly you should stay. I mean c'mon like you're going to do better.

Answer 28

Anonymous

I think you dump him. You definitely deserve a guy who cares about you. Not a guy who uses you.

Asker

27 d
that’s sweet, thank you
Opinion Owner

27 d
You’re welcome.

Answer 29

Asker

that’s sweet, thank you

Answer 30

Opinion Owner

You’re welcome.

Answer 31

PushOrganic

Xper 3

Describe the redeeming qualities

Asker

27 d
sometimes he’s nice and tries to make normal conversation. It’s the bare minimum really. and I feel like he only does it so he can manipulate the situation later

Answer 32

Asker

sometimes he’s nice and tries to make normal conversation. It’s the bare minimum really. and I feel like he only does it so he can manipulate the situation later

Answer 33

OceanMelon | 169 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 7

Obviously, you dump him

Answer 34

Diversity_Hire

Xper 5

You obviously know what you should do.

Asker

27 d
yes sir
Diversity_Hire

27 d
You called me sir, and it warmed my heart lol
Asker

27 d
aww 💛

Answer 35

Asker

yes sir

Answer 36

Diversity_Hire

You called me sir, and it warmed my heart lol

Answer 37

Asker

aww 💛

Answer 38

iFarted | 867 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

I don't see why you're still with him..

Answer 39

flashgrandad

Xper 6

Get the help away from him.

Answer 40

Jamie05rhs | 1.1K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

Dump him.

Dump him or stay with him?

Most Helpful Girls

Most Helpful Guys

What Girls & Guys Said

Related myTakes