Should I tell my really good friend that I'm in love with him?

Question

This is my first time being in love or at least I think I am in love.

It's my really good friend. I feel so happy with him... just being with him, doing simple stuff together makes me all mushy with love. I have never believed in love until now I guess...

I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to risk our friendship but at the same time it's hard to act like it's all cool. :|

Yes, tell him (but how?)

No, better don't do it.

Select age and gender to cast your vote:

GirlGuy

Answer 1

Aysen | 448 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Influencer

Feeling comfortable with him, being able to laugh with him, desiring to be with him all the time, feeling warm and fuzzy inside after spending so much time with him; these are the relationships that I believe flourish the healthiest long term! I believe you should tell him how you feel but I'd suggest trying to flirt with him first to see where you two stand.

Try breaking the friend zone in little bits with actions such as attempting to hold his hand while walking/sitting together somewhere, asking personal questions that would be outside the comfort zone, making generous homemade gifts like a letter/drawing that express your feelings to him vaguely, embrace with more hugging and planning more dates! If he responds positively to most, if not all of these things, you have the green light to spill your feelings to him and I'm almost certain he'll be very happy about the news! If he responds negatively to the ideas in mind, simply wait for him to feel more comfortable with you. If he does reject you, don't assume it's the end of the friendship; it might be awkward for a bit but a strong friendship never breaks!

Quality time and closeness are your strongest allies to building up a relationship. You'd know him better than any of us so you'll know when it'll be the right time to ask! I wouldn't wait too long if your heart is bursting with love either! Don't be afraid; everything will be ok no matter what happens! Hope this helps with your journey to establishing a beautiful relationship with your close friend :)

Answer 2

DrunkAss | 51 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 6

I went for "no" but I like gradual. You ever touch him, kiss him, invite him to hang out in private? I'm thinking not that much if you're not sure how he feels about you. How about trying that?

My rationale is that sometimes in the process of trying these things, it gives a chance for people to catch up their feeling with you if they aren't already there. If they are already there, then those interactions should naturally let you both know that you're in love with each other already. I see more to lose if you "confess" and just dump that on him right away.

DrunkAss

23 d
Don't get me wrong. I'm in favor of boldness -- immediately! But maybe not the "confession". Maybe an after-Christmas party -- just you two -- set the stage. Or touch his arm, hold his hand, kiss him -- anything. Just set up the stage so that you can get an impression of how he feels -- that he shares them with you -- make it a setting where the feelings are mutual and shared openly.
Asker

23 d
We actually do spend a lot of time together (chatting, having fun, movies and so on), usually at his place because I don't have enough privacy at home.
We also hug often but that's a normal thing for us, the only kisses I gave him were cheek pecks for his B-Day.
I'm completely clueless about guys and this kind of friendship complicates things even more. :(
DrunkAss

23 d
What about take one of those hugs and cling onto him, or a kiss or the cheek ventured towards the lips? You have me at a bit of a gender loss since I don't know how to make things happen from a girl's POV. But I figure you got some tools. Be adventurous. But my vote is to be adventurous in a way that allows him to show his feelings to you while you implicitly reveal some of yours through something lighter than a full-blown confession of love.

1. You be bold in any way and if he feels the same way, things will go swimmingly no matter how awkward your moves.
2. You be bold in and way and if he isn't quite there yet, he might fall for you in the process and catch up.
3. In the worst-case scenario, if he can't feel this way about you, you don't feel so embarrassed, and might be able to keep that friendship.
Show All Show Less
Asker

23 d
Some people even asked us if we are together, we kinda do and act like a pair but in reality it's just a really good friendship.

He knows I'm a huggy person and with all the hugs we've given each other already, I doubt he'd notice any difference 😅 Not sure what I'm going to do but thanks for your input, I'll think it through. :)
Screenwriter

19 d
I suggest you WAIT for a sign from your FRIEND. If he makes NO MOVE, keep your feelings quiet. Do you want to lose his friendship?
He enjoys your company and you're a SAFE female for him to be with. Not someone he's so attracted to he doesn't know how to act. A confession of "love" will turn you into an "other." UNLESS HE INDICATES HE IS INTERESTED IN THE SAME MANNER.
I've heard nothing from you to indicate he is. I'm sorry. Unrequited love often exists between good friends. But you're STILL great friends. Enjoy that as it is.
You can wait a few weeks to see if anything else develops (I mean less than a month.) If nothing does, start looking elsewhere. There are other available people your age.
Go for them. Keep your friend and share the adventure!
DrunkAss

19 d
@Screenwriter I like sorta going for it but in a friendly and fun way. There's like this angle where you can be all fun and flirty without risking the friendship. I always thought the key is that in the worst-case scenario, they're still laughing when they turn you down.

Answer 3

DrunkAss

Don't get me wrong. I'm in favor of boldness -- immediately! But maybe not the "confession". Maybe an after-Christmas party -- just you two -- set the stage. Or touch his arm, hold his hand, kiss him -- anything. Just set up the stage so that you can get an impression of how he feels -- that he shares them with you -- make it a setting where the feelings are mutual and shared openly.

Answer 4

Asker

We actually do spend a lot of time together (chatting, having fun, movies and so on), usually at his place because I don't have enough privacy at home.
We also hug often but that's a normal thing for us, the only kisses I gave him were cheek pecks for his B-Day.
I'm completely clueless about guys and this kind of friendship complicates things even more. :(

Answer 5

DrunkAss

What about take one of those hugs and cling onto him, or a kiss or the cheek ventured towards the lips? You have me at a bit of a gender loss since I don't know how to make things happen from a girl's POV. But I figure you got some tools. Be adventurous. But my vote is to be adventurous in a way that allows him to show his feelings to you while you implicitly reveal some of yours through something lighter than a full-blown confession of love.

1. You be bold in any way and if he feels the same way, things will go swimmingly no matter how awkward your moves.
2. You be bold in and way and if he isn't quite there yet, he might fall for you in the process and catch up.
3. In the worst-case scenario, if he can't feel this way about you, you don't feel so embarrassed, and might be able to keep that friendship.

Answer 6

Asker

Some people even asked us if we are together, we kinda do and act like a pair but in reality it's just a really good friendship.

He knows I'm a huggy person and with all the hugs we've given each other already, I doubt he'd notice any difference 😅 Not sure what I'm going to do but thanks for your input, I'll think it through. :)

Answer 7

Screenwriter

I suggest you WAIT for a sign from your FRIEND. If he makes NO MOVE, keep your feelings quiet. Do you want to lose his friendship?
He enjoys your company and you're a SAFE female for him to be with. Not someone he's so attracted to he doesn't know how to act. A confession of "love" will turn you into an "other." UNLESS HE INDICATES HE IS INTERESTED IN THE SAME MANNER.
I've heard nothing from you to indicate he is. I'm sorry. Unrequited love often exists between good friends. But you're STILL great friends. Enjoy that as it is.
You can wait a few weeks to see if anything else develops (I mean less than a month.) If nothing does, start looking elsewhere. There are other available people your age.
Go for them. Keep your friend and share the adventure!

Answer 8

DrunkAss

@Screenwriter I like sorta going for it but in a friendly and fun way. There's like this angle where you can be all fun and flirty without risking the friendship. I always thought the key is that in the worst-case scenario, they're still laughing when they turn you down.

Answer 9

sheamatura

Xper 3

Ok, so I live by the saying, “You miss 100% of shots you don’t take.” But that doesn’t mean that you can’t take the shot strategically. I would start by maybe flirting with him a bit more, see where it goes. If you feel like he’s responding then that’s a huge sign. Also see if you have any friends that could subtly bring it up. In a group hangout maybe your friend could say, “Oh my gosh, it’s like you guys are dating.” This will allow you to see his reaction. Or you could get up to go use the restroom, and your friend could ask him, “Ok be honest with me, do you have a thing for ____?” or your friend could tease him by saying, “There’s no way you don’t like _____” and see if he denies it. I hope this helps!

Answer 10

Screenwriter | 255 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Yoda

Unless your friend has professed that he's in love with YOU, you'd better not say anything. You could ruin your friendship.
If this is the first time you've felt this way about anyone, it's probably good you've chosen someone you truly like and trust. Shows you have good sense.
Stay sensible and don't make any rash move like blurting out your feelings unless you know they are reciprocated.

Answer 11

AsRealAsYouGet

Xper 1

Express your true feelings let that stuff out it'll eat at your core if you don't especially if he picks up another partner. If he refuses to be your friend afterwards then he was never truly a friend to begin with. Been there!

But he may feel the same. Don't be afraid! Approach him.

Answer 12

OmNomaly

Xper 5

If you truly love this person and you care about them and their well being. They make you happy and comfortable with yourself. Then by all means I would ask. It's better to know for sure than to be left wondering for eternity.

Answer 13

scott04sa22 | 135 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 7

Ask him what he feels about you and see if he has feelings for you.

Asker

22 d
Should I just outright ask him like that? I'm scared af
scott04sa22

22 d
Also the problem is if you told him all that. He'll might reject you and ghost you and you definitely don't want that. Also girls have other friends perhaps start asking your friends about it. Someone you trusted the most!

Answer 14

Asker

Should I just outright ask him like that? I'm scared af

Answer 15

scott04sa22

Also the problem is if you told him all that. He'll might reject you and ghost you and you definitely don't want that. Also girls have other friends perhaps start asking your friends about it. Someone you trusted the most!

Answer 16

NoblesseObligeKK

Xper 4

Life advice I've learned from those older than me: your regrets are not the things you wished you had done, but the things you were to scared to act on.

Do it.

Answer 17

Gedaria | 1.8K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

I would talk to him about it.
He may be aware of this if he knows you well..

Screenwriter

18 d
If he IS aware of it and he hasn't broached it, don't you believe he doesn't WANT to deal with it? He wants to stay friends. He enjoys her friendship. That is clear. Her professing love means their relationship will be one-sided and out in the OPEN one-sided.
I think this puts undue pressure on him. But, there is pressure on her to withhold her feelings.
Personally, if a great male friend said he was in love with me when I had no such feelings and did not consider him love material, despite all of his great friend qualities, I would be uncomfortable and would have to distance myself from him.
I'm not saying I'd cut him off or ghost him, but the entire basis of our friendship was joy and relaxation and ease. How could I ever be at ease, again, knowing he wanted more from me than I could give?

Answer 18

Screenwriter

If he IS aware of it and he hasn't broached it, don't you believe he doesn't WANT to deal with it? He wants to stay friends. He enjoys her friendship. That is clear. Her professing love means their relationship will be one-sided and out in the OPEN one-sided.
I think this puts undue pressure on him. But, there is pressure on her to withhold her feelings.
Personally, if a great male friend said he was in love with me when I had no such feelings and did not consider him love material, despite all of his great friend qualities, I would be uncomfortable and would have to distance myself from him.
I'm not saying I'd cut him off or ghost him, but the entire basis of our friendship was joy and relaxation and ease. How could I ever be at ease, again, knowing he wanted more from me than I could give?

Answer 19

Doga_34

Xper 3

Tell him you will lose anything.

Should I tell my really good friend that I'm in love with him?

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