Why is it that people say the best relationships start as friendships yet it’s almost impossible to friend your way into romance?

Question

Answer 1

Barbaric | 118 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Explorer

It's not impossible, but it's a bad idea for a man.

It's usually women who say it, and men who maybe got a girlfriend through his friend group once or twice - he just got lucky. I've dated women from social circle, but again one or two here and there. Women say it because it works for them.

They'll pretend that this isn't true, but around 90-95% of a girls male "friends" would date her if given the chance. Any half-decent looking woman who doesn't believe that and who doesn't mind losing a few male friends can test it by telling those guys that she likes them and asking them what they think of her. The majority will start gushing about how they've liked her for so long and that they're glad she's interested.

If 9 out of 10 of your opposite sex friends want to bang you, and you decide that you like one of them, of course it works.

Unless you're super-good looking and really successful, that's not how it's gonna be as a man at all. A much lower percentage of your female friends will want to date you. Women don't understand these things. They live in a completely different reality to us and they don't realise how much different our experiences are.

Answer 2

David92506 | 124 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 7

Not everybody has that issue.
I also agree that the best relationships start out as friendships. Although I've known successful relationships that start out strictly as sexual.

Answer 3

Hurlyburly | 1.1K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

How is that impossible? On the contrary, I couldn't even imagine to start a relationship without being friends first. How could I love someone without knowing them?

Asker

19 d
Can you be in a relationship with someone you’ve been friends with for years? Why would you suddenly find them attractive after years?
Hurlyburly

19 d
Why wouldn't you? People change over time.
I've been friends with my boyfriend for 3 years before we became a couple. We're in a relationship since 6 years so far so yes, it does work out just nicely.
Asker

19 d
Was he a close friend before though? Did you ever hang out with him one on one?
Show All Show Less
Hurlyburly

19 d
We did hang out more after both of us realized that we like each other. Beforehand, we mostly met with other friends aside from a few occasions.
Asker

19 d
And did you tell each other before you started hanging out one on one? Or was there a period when you were just hanging out one on one and trying to guess each other’s feelings because neither of you said anything?
Hurlyburly

19 d
We did hang out more one on one about 4 months before talking about feelings or anything.
But even before we started, pretty much our whole group noticed that there's something between us. We were just too dense to notice it earlier.
So yea we both started to hang out more because we liked each other more but we didn't talk about it.
Asker

19 d
That’s interesting. I’m in this situation now but I’ve pretty much just assumed she’s friend zoned me by now.
Asker

19 d
What did others notice?
Asker

19 d
And did you bring up the conversation about feelings? Or did he?
Hurlyburly

19 d
Apparently we acted differently towards each other than we used to, at least that's what my bestfriend told me. It must have been pretty obvious for others but we were completely unaware.
I do not believe in the friend zone by the way. It always sounds like an excuse to me.
And for the feelings... He pretty much just randomly decided to kiss me on one evening when I was at his place to watch a movie. We've been a couple from then on.
Asker

18 d
So did you know you had the feelings for him before the kiss? And was the vibes just friendly before the kiss?
Hurlyburly

18 d
Kind of, but not from him. He told my bestfriends husband, that way my bestfriend knew it and she told me.
I couldn't really believe it though 😅 seemed too good to be true.
But I'd consider us as just friends up until the kiss.
Hurlyburly

18 d
But I obviously knew about my own feelings yea xD I've misread your question.
Asker

18 d
So you knew about the feelings and gave him flirty vibes which he obviously picked up on?
Hurlyburly

18 d
No, I didn't gave him flirty vibes. at least not as far as I am aware.
Asker

18 d
So he didn’t know and just had to take a risk?
Asker

18 d
And make that bold move? Did he give hints before? Did you acknowledge them?
Hurlyburly

18 d
Both of us have been really oblivious to any possible hint, just like I said xD
Asker

18 d
Wow. But you were both wondering about each other’s feelings. That’s so cute. But unfortunately your situation is probably quite rare. I was convinced a friend liked me after 2 other people said they think she likes me and I started liking her too but I think she only sees me as a friend.
Asker

18 d
I never liked her before that. We’ve known each other about 3 years but only occasionally met in a group before. Recently we started meeting alone every week. And have been doing so for about 3 months.
Asker

18 d
Did you not even touch him in the 3 months you were hanging out alone before becoming a couple?
Hurlyburly

18 d
Not really, no.
Asker

18 d
Or make eye contact with him? Are you shy? Is he shy?
Hurlyburly

18 d
We're both introverts. But like yea eye contact is kinda normal between friends
Asker

18 d
Oh I see. You 2 seem similar to me and my friend. Even the situation seems similar except I don’t know if she likes me and I keep switching between assuming she likes me and as shining she only sees me as a friend.
Asker

18 d
Before you became a couple, were you both mutually arranging to meet up alone with you or was it more him? We’re you texting him a lot and we’re you initiating this or more him?
Hurlyburly

17 d
Umm he was the one who mostly initiated texting me through steam after I added him there. Mostly I had a message from him just seconds after I started my computer xD
I think both of us initiated meeting alone about equally. I more or less invited myself over to his place on the night he kissed me xD to "watch Hobbit 2". Haven't finish the movie to this day.
Asker

16 d
Lol. That’s interesting.
Asker

16 d
So do you think if meeting alone isn’t being initiated equally, it means they’re not that into you?
Hurlyburly

16 d
Not necessarily. Some women have the mindset of not wanting to "annoy" others and therefore only rarely initiate meeting or conversations despite actually wanting to. So it's impossible to tell by that alone.
Does she happily agree to meet you when you ask, or does she look for excuses?
Asker

16 d
She always says yes and normally says that sounds good or something too. She very rarely says no - only when she has a genuine excuse.
Hurlyburly

16 d
That sounds promising.
Asker

13 d
And we help each other with little things. But we sometimes disagree on things. Is this a bad sign?
Hurlyburly

13 d
It'd be kind of boring to have the same opinion about everything, don't you think?

Answer 4

Asker

Can you be in a relationship with someone you’ve been friends with for years? Why would you suddenly find them attractive after years?

Answer 5

Hurlyburly

Why wouldn't you? People change over time.
I've been friends with my boyfriend for 3 years before we became a couple. We're in a relationship since 6 years so far so yes, it does work out just nicely.

Answer 6

Asker

Was he a close friend before though? Did you ever hang out with him one on one?

Answer 7

Hurlyburly

We did hang out more after both of us realized that we like each other. Beforehand, we mostly met with other friends aside from a few occasions.

Answer 8

Asker

And did you tell each other before you started hanging out one on one? Or was there a period when you were just hanging out one on one and trying to guess each other’s feelings because neither of you said anything?

Answer 9

Hurlyburly

We did hang out more one on one about 4 months before talking about feelings or anything.
But even before we started, pretty much our whole group noticed that there's something between us. We were just too dense to notice it earlier.
So yea we both started to hang out more because we liked each other more but we didn't talk about it.

Answer 10

Asker

That’s interesting. I’m in this situation now but I’ve pretty much just assumed she’s friend zoned me by now.

Answer 11

Asker

What did others notice?

Answer 12

Asker

And did you bring up the conversation about feelings? Or did he?

Answer 13

Hurlyburly

Apparently we acted differently towards each other than we used to, at least that's what my bestfriend told me. It must have been pretty obvious for others but we were completely unaware.
I do not believe in the friend zone by the way. It always sounds like an excuse to me.
And for the feelings... He pretty much just randomly decided to kiss me on one evening when I was at his place to watch a movie. We've been a couple from then on.

Answer 14

Asker

So did you know you had the feelings for him before the kiss? And was the vibes just friendly before the kiss?

Answer 15

Hurlyburly

Kind of, but not from him. He told my bestfriends husband, that way my bestfriend knew it and she told me.
I couldn't really believe it though 😅 seemed too good to be true.
But I'd consider us as just friends up until the kiss.

Answer 16

Hurlyburly

But I obviously knew about my own feelings yea xD I've misread your question.

Answer 17

Asker

So you knew about the feelings and gave him flirty vibes which he obviously picked up on?

Answer 18

Hurlyburly

No, I didn't gave him flirty vibes. at least not as far as I am aware.

Answer 19

Asker

So he didn’t know and just had to take a risk?

Answer 20

Asker

And make that bold move? Did he give hints before? Did you acknowledge them?

Answer 21

Hurlyburly

Both of us have been really oblivious to any possible hint, just like I said xD

Answer 22

Asker

Wow. But you were both wondering about each other’s feelings. That’s so cute. But unfortunately your situation is probably quite rare. I was convinced a friend liked me after 2 other people said they think she likes me and I started liking her too but I think she only sees me as a friend.

Answer 23

Asker

I never liked her before that. We’ve known each other about 3 years but only occasionally met in a group before. Recently we started meeting alone every week. And have been doing so for about 3 months.

Answer 24

Asker

Did you not even touch him in the 3 months you were hanging out alone before becoming a couple?

Answer 25

Hurlyburly

Not really, no.

Answer 26

Asker

Or make eye contact with him? Are you shy? Is he shy?

Answer 27

Hurlyburly

We're both introverts. But like yea eye contact is kinda normal between friends

Answer 28

Asker

Oh I see. You 2 seem similar to me and my friend. Even the situation seems similar except I don’t know if she likes me and I keep switching between assuming she likes me and as shining she only sees me as a friend.

Answer 29

Asker

Before you became a couple, were you both mutually arranging to meet up alone with you or was it more him? We’re you texting him a lot and we’re you initiating this or more him?

Answer 30

Hurlyburly

Umm he was the one who mostly initiated texting me through steam after I added him there. Mostly I had a message from him just seconds after I started my computer xD
I think both of us initiated meeting alone about equally. I more or less invited myself over to his place on the night he kissed me xD to "watch Hobbit 2". Haven't finish the movie to this day.

Answer 31

Asker

Lol. That’s interesting.

Answer 32

Asker

So do you think if meeting alone isn’t being initiated equally, it means they’re not that into you?

Answer 33

Hurlyburly

Not necessarily. Some women have the mindset of not wanting to "annoy" others and therefore only rarely initiate meeting or conversations despite actually wanting to. So it's impossible to tell by that alone.
Does she happily agree to meet you when you ask, or does she look for excuses?

Answer 34

Asker

She always says yes and normally says that sounds good or something too. She very rarely says no - only when she has a genuine excuse.

Answer 35

Hurlyburly

That sounds promising.

Answer 36

Asker

And we help each other with little things. But we sometimes disagree on things. Is this a bad sign?

Answer 37

Hurlyburly

It'd be kind of boring to have the same opinion about everything, don't you think?

Answer 38

Rose00 | 136 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Explorer

It’s not impossible lol

Answer 39

Hangry22 | 631 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

Never heard that

Why is it that people say the best relationships start as friendships yet it’s almost impossible to friend your way into romance?

AI Bot Choice

Most Helpful Guy

Most Helpful Girl

What Girls & Guys Said

Related myTakes