I have a question. Me and my girlfriend been dating for a year and half and we reached a plateau phase?

Question

I have a question. Me and my girlfriend been dating for a year and a half and now we reached a so called plateau phase and now she's sayin i value you

I told her that i wasn't happy in this relationship
Because for a long time I felt that were becoming distant and strangers towards each other.
I told here that we became emotionless to one another and she said yes.
And she kept saying she cares about me and values me. Which I'm my believe is totally bullshit.
And she asked what we can do, were i responded with I don't know.
It's something i felt and kept trying to avoid it. Till finally i couldn't.
Her response mainly was she's not sad nor unhappy in the relationship.

And that we hit a plateau phase in the relationship.

And tbh for me, I told here that we don't have the same energy as before. Which she responded with: we lost our spark and connection.

So at the moment I'm not totally lost but the only solution that i can think off, it to break up.
Is there any other solution?

Answer 1

btbc92 | 3K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

Question: Why are you in a relationship you not happy in? Relationships are not about you, it is about the other people. There is not such as a spark or connection. The problem is you need to learn to develop, build, mature, and grow into the relationship you want with a person. It is not based on what you feel, it is a willingness to DO. And if you're not willing to put in work then neither of you should be in this relationship let alone date until you learn to be selfless. Not selfish. Neither of you sounds mature enough to handle a relationship. And neither of you sound like you have good reasons to be dating for that long. It's a year of waste that could be shared with other compatible people. So you both have a choice. Either work together for the relationship you want or end it. But other than that, you have serious self-esteem issues and probably depression that makes you question her love for you. If you feel that way, please seek professional help with a therapist, counselor, or somebody who can legally give you psychological help. Because you don't sound like you need to be in relationships where you already sound like you hate yourself and shift blame to others for how you already feel about yourself. Get healing first. That's my advice.

Gaguka2020

15 d
Relationship is a two way streak, if the other person isn't welling to put the effort then what's the point of it?
And for the future sake, if ur gonna give someone an advice think before you say anything.
btbc92

15 d
WOW, Like I don't know if a relationship is a two-way street. But not everybody who enters into a relationship has a problem. I know what advice I'm given, but the one who has the bigger problem is yourself. Your the one who is complaining the most. If you have to invalidate her feelings then you need to leave. Period. Your just making yourself more miserable if you don't change your perspective and attitude that will God forbid led to emotional abuse. You're the one who needs to think. I think all the time and more than enough that if I dealt with a guy who thinks with your mindset and thinks I feel about is BS, I'm walking. End of story. Can't change how a person feels about you if they already felt that way.
btbc92

15 d
Relationships are not about HAPPINESS. I can kinds see why she feels a certain way. You have a certain attitude and mentality about you that makes her stop being close to you. Its yoru insecurity and other problems you're harboring and now it's affecting your relationship. She never denied there was a problem. BUT she is subtlely telling you in not so many words that you ARE the PROBLEM. And she is afraid to tell you because she is probably scared you're going to blow up and break up with her because of it. That's why I told you to go seek HELP. Meaning you. Not her. Because you two go seek help together, watch how scared she may be to admit it, or say it while trying to be cautious and watch her words carefully because your that quick to react. I'll tell you exactly what your issue is, and boy are you going to be pissed enough to downvote me for it. But I care enough to say it because I had to learn to communicate with people.
Show All Show Less
btbc92

15 d
"And she kept saying she cares about me and values me. Which I'm my believe is totally bullshit." STOP right there. You're wrong. A woman is honest about what and how she feels, you think it's BS. That's YOUR mind. Not hers. You're rejecting her love because you don't love yourself. You're expecting too much of unrealistic expectations for a relationship because you think she is responsible for your personal happiness, and she's not. She is her own person. You are your own person. She is responsible for her own happiness as you are. Your problem is that you were always unhappy BEFORE you got with her, and now your blaming her for your own negligence and problems that have nothing to do with her. So your the one who needs the counseling and the help. Because your the one who is dragging down not only yourself but your own relationship. And your blind to see how you're hurting yourself and in turn, it's hurting your girlfriend. It's toxic. Your not just creating poison, you're spewing it and she doesn't know what to do. Because it's damn if she does, damn if she doesn't. Not to take sides, but for me to say it how it is.

"And she asked what we can do, were i responded with I don't know." Of course, you know why you don't know? Because you DO KNOW. Because this has 0 to do with her, it's what's in you you not happy with. So you're projecting that self-hatred on her and all she's been trying to do are help you and nothing is helping. Do you know what that is? Depression. Sounds like clinical depression.

"It's something i felt and kept trying to avoid it. Till finally i couldn't." The keyword of the answer to this: Depression. I know. I deal with depression all my life. And responded the same way with family, friends, strangers, whoever because of it. You're dealing with depression. And you need to be seen for help.
btbc92

15 d
"Her response mainly was she's not sad nor unhappy in the relationship." Because she knows your not a bad man and your good to her, I'm sure. But she senses your struggling with something and she doesn't know how to help you. But you don't want to help yourself either.

"And that we hit a plateau phase in the relationship." Correction. There is no Plateau. Just you have an undiagnosed problem and you know it's there, but you ignore it to the point now you're forced to see it, but you blinded to the point you project it out as if it's her, and it's not. She may have her own problems but she isn't projecting it on you is she? Think about that before you say 'ANYTHING'.
Gaguka2020

13 d
Thank you.

Answer 2

Gaguka2020

Relationship is a two way streak, if the other person isn't welling to put the effort then what's the point of it?
And for the future sake, if ur gonna give someone an advice think before you say anything.

Answer 3

btbc92

WOW, Like I don't know if a relationship is a two-way street. But not everybody who enters into a relationship has a problem. I know what advice I'm given, but the one who has the bigger problem is yourself. Your the one who is complaining the most. If you have to invalidate her feelings then you need to leave. Period. Your just making yourself more miserable if you don't change your perspective and attitude that will God forbid led to emotional abuse. You're the one who needs to think. I think all the time and more than enough that if I dealt with a guy who thinks with your mindset and thinks I feel about is BS, I'm walking. End of story. Can't change how a person feels about you if they already felt that way.

Answer 4

btbc92

Relationships are not about HAPPINESS. I can kinds see why she feels a certain way. You have a certain attitude and mentality about you that makes her stop being close to you. Its yoru insecurity and other problems you're harboring and now it's affecting your relationship. She never denied there was a problem. BUT she is subtlely telling you in not so many words that you ARE the PROBLEM. And she is afraid to tell you because she is probably scared you're going to blow up and break up with her because of it. That's why I told you to go seek HELP. Meaning you. Not her. Because you two go seek help together, watch how scared she may be to admit it, or say it while trying to be cautious and watch her words carefully because your that quick to react. I'll tell you exactly what your issue is, and boy are you going to be pissed enough to downvote me for it. But I care enough to say it because I had to learn to communicate with people.

Answer 5

btbc92

"And she kept saying she cares about me and values me. Which I'm my believe is totally bullshit." STOP right there. You're wrong. A woman is honest about what and how she feels, you think it's BS. That's YOUR mind. Not hers. You're rejecting her love because you don't love yourself. You're expecting too much of unrealistic expectations for a relationship because you think she is responsible for your personal happiness, and she's not. She is her own person. You are your own person. She is responsible for her own happiness as you are. Your problem is that you were always unhappy BEFORE you got with her, and now your blaming her for your own negligence and problems that have nothing to do with her. So your the one who needs the counseling and the help. Because your the one who is dragging down not only yourself but your own relationship. And your blind to see how you're hurting yourself and in turn, it's hurting your girlfriend. It's toxic. Your not just creating poison, you're spewing it and she doesn't know what to do. Because it's damn if she does, damn if she doesn't. Not to take sides, but for me to say it how it is.

"And she asked what we can do, were i responded with I don't know." Of course, you know why you don't know? Because you DO KNOW. Because this has 0 to do with her, it's what's in you you not happy with. So you're projecting that self-hatred on her and all she's been trying to do are help you and nothing is helping. Do you know what that is? Depression. Sounds like clinical depression.

"It's something i felt and kept trying to avoid it. Till finally i couldn't." The keyword of the answer to this: Depression. I know. I deal with depression all my life. And responded the same way with family, friends, strangers, whoever because of it. You're dealing with depression. And you need to be seen for help.

Answer 6

btbc92

"Her response mainly was she's not sad nor unhappy in the relationship." Because she knows your not a bad man and your good to her, I'm sure. But she senses your struggling with something and she doesn't know how to help you. But you don't want to help yourself either.

"And that we hit a plateau phase in the relationship." Correction. There is no Plateau. Just you have an undiagnosed problem and you know it's there, but you ignore it to the point now you're forced to see it, but you blinded to the point you project it out as if it's her, and it's not. She may have her own problems but she isn't projecting it on you is she? Think about that before you say 'ANYTHING'.

Answer 7

Gaguka2020

Thank you.

Answer 8

iseekpinetrees | 243 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Yoda

Well it sound like you've got communication started now you just need to go a little deeper. What do you want that your not getting?

Gaguka2020

15 d
Yes. But how can i do it without putting pressure on her?
iseekpinetrees

15 d
Dont worry about pressure just get your point across and ask your questions
iseekpinetrees

15 d
Ask yourself first and figure out what you'd like first

Answer 9

Gaguka2020

Yes. But how can i do it without putting pressure on her?

Answer 10

iseekpinetrees

Dont worry about pressure just get your point across and ask your questions

Answer 11

iseekpinetrees

Ask yourself first and figure out what you'd like first

Answer 12

OlderAndWiser | 5.4K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Influencer

This didn't just happen and you do know what is missing. You say that you are distant, so you know what is missing. Does she not say that she loves you. Do you have sex less often? Does she not kiss you any more?

EVERY relationship will have problems and if you break up every time you have a problem, you will never find a lifetime partner. So. . . start identifying the problem. What do you want her to start doing again/do more often/stop doing/do less often?

Answer 13

skel47 | 82 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 5

Find why you feel its changed, either between the two of you or anything that can change that, then find common ground ie, why are your or her wanting to keep the relationship? And finally why do you feel its not so much plateau'd as you say but declined. Dont cling onto someone who doesn't value you, take time and write something up and try talking if it doesn't work. Then you have your answer.

Answer 14

Jules4793

Xper 3

Before thinking about ending it, talk with her and figure out what changed along the way. Be two mature adults and discuss how you both could fix things between you two. If afterward you both cannot find solutions or talk reasonably then it's best to end things. Good luck

Answer 15

Avicenna | 4K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

Think of things you can do together, maybe a new hobby.

Answer 16

Anonymous

Try to refine what you want to change and then talk to her. she is not unhappy so maybe you can fix this

I have a question. Me and my girlfriend been dating for a year and half and we reached a plateau phase?

AI Bot Choice

Most Helpful Girl

Most Helpful Guys

What Girls & Guys Said

Related myTakes