Should marriage always be the goal of any committed relationship?

[Anonymous]

I strongly agree yes it should, a relationship should lead to marriage if both are ready. I don't want to string a girl along just for fun and games. I feel like the more fucked up the world is the more people want to drown their sorrows or the complexities or seriousness of the world issues today. As a guy, let me tell girls this -- you can assume your girlfriends will stick by your side until you are grey and old. You can assume your job and pay cheques will give you the joy as if it was your birthday, Christmas, New Years Eve all wrapped into one but it's not. A job should not be taken that seriously unless you have a prominent political position, a doctor, or a lawyer, a professor or a teacher. I am utterly shocked as a 30 year old guy that many girls today don't like marriage or kids. I understand if you live in a third world nation or if there is so much bullshit happening in the world that you don't want to bring a child into a world filled with injustice and tyranny. But when your parents had you, the world was not a "perfect" place. I think certain movements and ideologies frown on women having kids. So what does that lead to? Guys scoping and hunting women down for sex? This life to me is disgusting. I have old school values -- there's something about having a spouse, waking up in the morning, having breakfast, seeing your kids run down the stairs for school is special. Most of my guy friends are married and have kids and I feel like I am missing that component of my life. I am not narrowing in on women/girls, this goes for men/guys as well.

My guess for why girls don't want to get married is for various reasons -- focusing on a career, not mature enough to take care of a child, a previous relationship that distorted her views about guys in general as players or scum bags. Whatever the case is I just want girls to know who are reading this not all men and guys are scum. If a guy really cares for you and is willing to put his heart on the line for marriage and he has the right attributes then don't shoot down that opportunity right away. I look at my life now, I live alone on residence, doing my grad studies while my buddies don't meet up anymore. That's life, I am a people person but with covid it makes it tougher. I am not the type of dude to waste my life with people who drink and do drugs.

[Anonymous]

Depends how you follow the progression of a relationship. Even numbers are female friendships. I am 1 not out of arrogance rather because I am odd one. I'm looking for my number 2. I have a few level 6 female friends, but there can only be one female best friend (4) and with time she'll be my 2. Level 8 friends are separated by beliefs, level 6 by trust, and wife (2) is time with trust. There is a totally different dynamic for family, this is just for friendships. I have a lot of friends that share beliefs and I have work and college friends who do not. The friends who share beliefs are close. A female best friend will occupy both 2 and 4. I can maintain level 6 friendships forever as we are united in Christ. Not all friendships are destined for marriage, If a woman is a level 6 friend she will be for life, but whether we move closer together or not is a matter of trust and time. If we drift it isn't meant for marriage, but the friendship will remain. On the flipside my 2 will have more my time and trust than any other woman. My goal of any relationship is to glorify God, not all relationships end in marriage.

[lilyanony1]

They say only the rich date for marriage. Whilst the lower status people date for various reasons.
Which I think is interesting given the state of society.
Not very many people really understand that marriage is a good thing. If two people are honest and committed and date for the reasons of building a family structure. Love and security, companionship.
They will understand what marriage is actually about but many people see divorce as a curse, they see divorce as a waste of money and energy.
But you have to change your view and outlook of what marriage actually means.
It is more than a piece of paper. It is more than to just show that you are "official"

It's actually for you in the long run financially, mentally, emotionally.

I think married people also need to remain friends with other married people if they want their marriage to work, simply because single people even if they're not happy, you can look on their live with a little reminders of the beauty of singledom.
And if you don't have those moments why have a friend you pity.
That's not me saying cut off your single friend that's me saying make friends with people that get married and actively try to work at keeping their marriage going. They make marriage interesting, meaningful, a joy and not a chore.
They can also help you to manage expectations of what a marriage is.

But the main thing is aiming to stay in a marriage.
I date for marriage.

[Cynicaldreamer]

It depends on the individuals in said relationship. But realistically, no. Not everyone is interested in being married- and yes, that's okay!

For example, I have absolutely no interest in marriage! All I want is a long term, committed relationship with the right man. Think marriage sans the overpriced ceremony, paperwork, and taking his last name.
I don't need to be married to a guy to feel a relationship is complete.

The important thing to account for is that both individuals let the other person know what his or her relationship goals are to avoid any issues down the road. If one person wants to get married, yet the other person doesn't, that's not an ideal relationship and it will cause tension down the road.

[OlderAndWiser]

If marriage is the goal, you should be committed!

Seriously, not everyone is well suited for commitment. For those who are, whether they should get married depends on their values. For me, the answer is yes, but you may feel happier just shacking up with a promise to shack up together for the rest of your lives. Of course, if you live together the rest of your lives, would getting married have made your relationship much different?

[Xoxocutekitty]

To view marriage as the endpoint of any relationship will beget its downfall.

Should we force people to view 'paperwork' as the holy grail? - No. But when resisting 'the concept' of marriage, what is one actually resisting? For some, it is historical implications of patriarchy and the purchase and sale of "women." For others, it is to avoid the fallout of a divorce. To some, is it the inability to fully commit to someone... or is it the inability to fully WANT to commit to someone?

I think all relationships need to fufill both (or more) partners need for reassurance, companionship, trust, mutuality, and spontaneity. No one knows the future, but you can promise your partner the intention of forever, for better and for worse, just because it's a rare rare thing to want to give someone.

Do you want to be chosen, selected apart from millions of other people with your hair color and height, thousands of other people who hold your same job, hundreds of people who share your last name? Ask yourself what your deepest desires are and if these "traditional and corny sentiments about being special" don't mean anything to you... then that's okay. Maybe marriage isn't for you. Maybe you have a newer more modern, higher level of what love and security mean to you.

[SnowyOwl]

Life in a partnership goes way beyond marriage, but you could say marriage is A goal. I think it is. It is one of the steps in reinforcing that commitment you have with each other. To say you are partners, and teammates. That you are undertaking life together in order to achieve a common vision and to become your better selves. Marriage is a ceremony to mark this commitment you are making towards each other. "Seal" this commitment, if you will.

I would not know why you are asking this question, but I know for instance that I certainly want to get married. I guess its difficult to make the decision if people do not understand the terms or what it means... But since I am a spiritual person (not Religious though, that is different), I believe that the terms are to be discussed before sealing yourself to a partner for eternity. I think the terms should be based on moral principles and values, I think partners should comply to what these mean and show integrity towards these, or integrity in general. Sealing the promise of to be integrate in regards to the principles that will make you a strong partnership through the act of marriage is one of life's most rewarding gifts, provided people did marry understanding what it means. And of course, couples face challenges, they go through tough periods, but that is when the principles that define marriage come to strengthen individuals, and then the unit that they are together.

To be honest, I think this is extremely empowering for a committed relationship. I wouldn't call it committed without marriage, as there would be lack of meaning in that case, in my opinion.

[psychoticanimallover]

What even is marriage really though? What’s the difference between cohabiting with someone or having a child with someone or marrying them. They’re all just different forms of the same type of commitment. Marriage just makes the commitment a little more formal and is more expensive (need to pay someone to enter into it and to dissolve it). The only instance, in my opinion, where marriage SHOULD be the ultimate goal of a relationship, is between very traditional couples with old fashioned values, which are pretty rare these days. And in those cases, it would only be for the benefit of the woman. If you’re entering into a relationship in order to stay and home, look after the house and raise the children, you are taking a bloody stupid risk by not making it a legal arrangement. If he leaves you, you’ll have nothing - no career prospects, no savings, no house (unless you’re in a country where cohabiting creates a civil marriage of sorts in the eyes of the law).

So mostly no, but definitely sometimes.

[Anonymous]

If you DON'T want to get married, then no, of course not lol

If you DO want to get married, then I would say yes. Otherwise you spend significant periods of time with someone and may end up hoping for that even if you didn't express that as the goal from the beginning.

I DO want to get married, so it is the goal for me moving forward. I think I want to have one child and marriage has a lot of benefits for raising children. I also just want to be bonded and have that symbolic commitment, and all the legal benefits as family. The law doesn't recognize your girlfriend as family and even civil unions have fewer benefits compared to marriage. So for me, its emotional/romantic/symbolic, as well as practical and logical because of the benefits for raising a child and for legal benefits as a partnership/family. For reference of my cultural/family background - my parents have been together since they were teenagers and they're 57 now.

Now, I don't think anyone is wrong for choosing not to get married. Do what you want! I just turned 31 (Capricorn season! lol), so I'm more serious and ready for that commitment. Trying to find hubby, but also it's not just about that, of course. You need to make sure they are the right person for you. But when you're dating for marriage, knowing up front how open they are to that big commitment is key I think. I'm not against having a child on my own if I'm not married by a certain age, but I'm giving it the ol' good try first. Covid is cramping my style though :')

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

That's something that is the decision between the two people involved in that relationship. And martial beliefs and whether that's the ultimate goal should probably be discussed before getting involved in a LTR or moving in together, so both know they're on the same page, same relationship goals

[DavidFox]

No.


Committed relationships will have various goals depending on each individual and their #couplegoals. One problem in most relationships is people don’t work on them in an organized manner and expect the ‘relationship’ to just grow organically. A better solution is treating the relationship as any small business and creating goals and managing those goals periodically. Therefore while some may include a longterm goal of marriage, others may have career goals, family goals, bucket list goals, and personal growth goals.


Treating all committed relationships as incubation rooms waiting for the marriage train but not bothering to even get the train ticket results mostly in failure.

[Leah501]

No I don’t think I so. I know so many people that are divorced. So marriage doesn’t equal happiness, marriage doesn’t equal commitment its a nice idea and I think it gets romanticized a lot but at the end of the day a relationship will be good or bad regardless if you have a marriage license or not.

also if you’re a religious person it’s different for you.

[art84]

My brother and his ex girlfriend never wanted to get married. They just wanted to live together as they were common husband and wife without the marriage certificate. When my brother met his current wife girlfriend who eventually became his wife, he decided to get married cause he and his girlfriend had a daughter and another one on the way. Plus my brother had two boys who saw their dad get married and finally settle down.

Me personally, I think it really depends if both people who are in a committed relationship see marriage in their future. Most people today don't get married and just live together.

[DiscomfortZone]

I voted yes and would still like to explain. By "marriage" I don't necessarily mean the exchange of rings and vows/concecrations in front of a religious figure. It might as well be a signed contract, an informal decleration, the exchange of a collar/whip by a bdsm couple, whatever. I mean the commitment and the decleration that "we are officially forever". Otherwise, if a person's goal is to be in a relationship until it ultimately fails, then I see no point. Perhaps I should have voted "other", but the way I see it all the examples I've given fully qualify and constitute a marriage.

[SirJeffers]

Not necessarily. I think the main goal of any relationship should be to grow with each other and make the best life you can. Marriage is an extra step to that, but it needs to be agreed upon by everyone and really thought out. If I'm in a committed relationship, my goal is to spend my life with them and build a family, so I'm all for marriage as a goal, bit it's not for everyone.

[midnightmoon05]

Nowadays, most will say no. I still believe it should or at lease thats how it works within my value.
I have walked the path of marriage, kids family, career... etc. Now divorced, no alimony or child support.
Still, my value hasn't changed and encourage my kids to continue even though they are still young.
Without some core sturcture of love, family, value, our society is falling apart.
boyfriend and I are going towards that path of love, committment and marriage and happiness.

[electromagnetic]

It really depends if the people are in it with the same idealistic view. However, it doesn’t always have to be the case.
I know this older couple who’ve been in a relationship for 45+ years and never have they considered marriage. I remember asking them once to show me their wedding photos when I was younger and the husband said “no paper is going to tell me how to love my woman.”

[Jayla2000]

If it's the goal of the people in the relationship to get married.

But some people don't believe in marriage but believe in committed relationships.

Plenty of non married couples have the same success as happily married couples.

My bestie's parents never married but live 2gether and raised 3 children together and besides not being legally married they live their lives like any married couple.

[r_r_g]

Well - it's hard to say.
Yes, if you plan children or are both certain you don't want any.
But marriage really is just a way for a her to receive his labour and wealth - so women generally demand it.
If she invests equal labour, at least according to her ability, and doesn't demand higher sexual rights - you could call it valid.
The usual for today is for women to avoid you until you agree to giving them money for limited presence - and to, of course, support their promiscuity. Simply so they can assert dominance and privilege as the norm.
I am waiting for one to realise she will go hungry without my help, before negotiating further. There is no point in saying it upfront - at 45, she thinks she can get the money, accommodation, food and travel from me, for being part time - so she can fuck around at my expense.

[hahahmm]

In the old days when like 98% of women were marriage material and the law discouraged women from divorce raping (financially) the man: that made sense. Now there's very few women who are relationship material and there's much greater risks for a man who gets married. Getting married used to be like riding a bike. Now it's like going on a one-way trip to another planet.

So I guess it depends on the people involved in the relationship for one thing.

[BCA6010]

I'll put this bluntly: I am not interested in dating a woman with whom there's no potential for a long term, committed relationship with the end goal of marriage and family. Period. It doesn't matter if she's otherwise "all that," it's not negotiable, and frankly if we don't see things the same way in that regard, then we are wasting each others' time.

[Allie345]

I voted no. There are people who don’t want to get married, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Also, when people are younger (like college), they date for fun, which is fine too. Some people get in relationships for companionship in the moment, and not for marriage.

That said, I don’t get in a relationship with anyone unless I can see myself marrying them because to me, that’s what a committed relationship is all about!

[angelgirl7]

I think it depends on the couple.
If marriage is important to you, go for it. If not, don't worry about it. My parents were together 20+ years before getting married for insurance reasons.
As long as you know you're committed to each other, that's all that matters. And the real goal should be building a happy life together no matter if you get married or not.

[tsathenang]

I mean its up to the person. I've been with my man for a long while so we got married, and to me its nothing more than simply making it very official but getting it recognized by the state, plus making both of our parents happy. I think you can take up the responsibilities of marriage through other ways too like domestic partnership or living together.

[CriticalDiscourse]

No. I personally don't see a point in marriage in the modern world - at least where I live. There's almost no legal benefit, the whole ceremony is just a flashy show of money and shit to impress other people that are not necessary, and I'm not religious.

If someone really wanted to marry me, I guess I would? But I would be the courthouse bride with a prenup.

I could also just be boring as all hell.

[Adam1978]

No marriages are a government contract and there is no reason that you agree to those terms just because you want to spend the rest of your life with a partner. You can set your own agreement in your relationship don't bring in the state in your relationship.

[Don-__-Don]

No, because I'm not goimg to sit here andamd say what should be done in other peoples relationships, consdering you put "any relationship" in your question

Saying that marrige should be the end goal for everyone is just annoying.

Try telling that to people who've gotten divorces.

[Unit1]

DEFINITELY NOT

[jack187625]

Serious relationships should be a "together for ever" goal, not necessarily marriage.

I'm not religious, so would never get married. Civil partnership yes, marriage, no. So that would be a goal for me.

But not for everyone, the person I'm with now doesn't want either, but wants to be with someone, have kids and all that jazz.

[TeeBar]

It depends on the ethnicity and upbringing of the couple. Young Americans seem to have trouble making long term commitments so just shacking up eliminates all of the eventual messy legal stuff on a break up. Those with strong ethnic ties tend to fare better in actual wedding-style marriages.

[Nalix]

Yes. Marriage is what defines a culture. There are lots of different kinds of marriages and they are what primarily shape new generations. Marriage should be the goal, but people need to think very carefully about what kind of world they want to help create. What culture do they want to project into the future? That is what marriage is, so a lot of care needs to go into the idea of what marriage should be.

[R3DthatDude]

I’m not wasting my time just to be boyfriend and girlfriend forever. I’m not even talking about having a wedding, just at least making the commitment. People want to have there cake and eat it to lol... if your still to afraid to say I’m yours forever after many years, there is something wrong underlying the relationship. Fear, trust, or some other thing

[hi_it_is_me123]

Yes. I dont trust/date any man who does not want to marry in the end soon. He either plays with you, or does not take you serious. So this is why I ain't have sex before marryage. I also dont have nerve for guys who make you wait 1000000 years to marry. If i was a western woman, i only would use such boys like they are toyboys till i find someone who can commit. Toyboys deserve no respect

[CoolKatie]

I do not see the point of getting married since they some people think they only the one that trust issue. I think like this because most of my relationship has always seemed too good to bad , I have been let down way too much. yes even people said one of the Facebook said that I shouldn't stand up for myself. these people were women with all different type of learning disables and yes went same special college that I went to.

[pigoat]

I don't want marriage and I'm with someone who doesn't want it either

Why is the public gonna tell us what we SHOULD do

Lmao

[Bubbles45]

You know it's kind of funny I have friends who's family members never got married and just are partners, they are a gay couple though so perhaps they have their reasons? Anyway they are still together 7 years on and going.

[Newhead]

I think there will be people who do not want to be married, so I would suggest living apart if you don't want to be married. If you plan to build a life together and live under the same roof then yes, you should be married.

[jshm2]

That's like asking if a full belly should be the goal of every meal

[TheUniqueOne96]

I don't feel like the act of marriage is necessary for a good relationship or commitment.

If you're religious ans it says so, then that's fine, but otherwise, it seems really pointless.

The money could be better spent.

[Anonymous]

One guy's opinion, but I think you first need to figure out your goals, and THEN figure out whether or not marriage makes sense given those goals.

In my mind, the ONLY point of marriage--and this is a VERY important point--is to give your kids the best shot possible in life. There is NO doubt that kids with an in-tact family do much, MUCH better ON AVERAGE than either kids raised in a single parent household or kids raised in a step-parent household. So for me, if you want to have kids, then getting married FIRST and STAYING married makes a LOT of sense.

That said, for me there also isn't a hell of a lot of point in getting married unless and until you plan to have kids. So personally, I wouldn't recommend it until you're ready to take the next step of having kids. This is particularly true for a guy if he's the primary earner and/or has significantly more assets than his spouse, but could also be true for the girl as well.

[Little_Bumblebee]

No, that's up to the couple what they want out of their relationship.

Some don't want to get married and stay together, even have a healthier relationship than some married couples.

[Anonymous]

No. Marriages are nothing more than overblown narcissism, with those stupid ceremonies that make women feel like princesses for a day.

Not even the greatest men out there can please women fully. Such as Will Smith, Dr. Dre and now Kanye West. It's only a matter of time before any more of the top tier men like Justin Bieber, Ryan Gosling, Michael B. Jordan, etc. succumb and get kicked to the curb by the women.

[thimmslicc]

Marriage is only for those that have been through a lot and have a bond that wants to continue.
Marriage isn't on a person's mind on the first date.

[Gosceewual]

no, being happy and staying with that person should be a goal... marriage is jus another one of those bs gimmicky unnecessary things, like Christmas... it’s jus uhhhhh... a business uhhh... forgot the word... it’s jus used for businesses to make money

[likelyOK]

I don’t think so because some relationships are just for temporary companionship and monogamy, for some people it is not even that. That being said you want to make sure you are on the same page.

[mamamai]

If you’re religious yes. Because it is tied to religion. If you’re atheist, no. It’s meaningless to an atheist, you may as well just go the cheaper route and just make a regular old promise

[linds34]

No, the real way you can see you're with a good guy is that who cares about the opinion of the Church, lol.

[marish01]

Voted yes. To me the only sexual relationship that I will ever have will be with my husband.

[menina]

No, I think that should be the goal if the people involved in the relationship want to get married.
Many couples are happy without marriage.

[Archerer]

I don’t see marriage changing anything emotionally, if it does it’s very temporary. So on that level not really, from a legal standpoint I guess it depends on your goals.

[CubsterShura]

Never, Never, Never!!!

For a truly committed relationship it should only be the BEGINNING!!!

[FlyGirl95]

Love is love. Some of the best relationships that last a lifetime are without marriage

[Madladd]

Yes and if someone denies that he or she has commitment issues.

[loveslongnails]

Marriages can take place on paper, or in your head and heart. The paper part isn't absolutely necessary, but in many countries, it carries legal, tax and insurance advantages.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Yes. The hell are you together if you don't plan on becoming a family in the future? Don't let any man or woman waste your time in a relationship because you aren't getting a day back ever again.

[blondfrog]

Well you are at a huge disadvantage in this country's if you don't get married. You qualify for tax advantages and other advantages like certain sales deals. So yes marriage is more ideal.

[MissDawn7961]

marriage is the only committment U can B committed to ! thanks

[WesBrewer]

That is why solely why I date girls, to see if I want to marry her or not.

[PaganWarrior]

Other : Only if they both want to, and truly want each other and no one else.

I definitely want a man who just wants me.

[Elsa143]

Definitely yes. If there's no marriage then what the hell were they committed for? They could have kept it an open relationship.
It wasn't a relationship at all. It was just a fling thing or your casual f**k buddy.

[genericname85]

no. i think early on, relationships should have the goal to explore and figure out what you want from a partner. before you then eventually commit.

[Schizoaffective]

Not at all.
You can be committed to a person without the need of a marriage license for validation.

[Walamagicc]

Well if they want to get married eventually. Every couple doesn’t want marriage.

[Shuttlebus78]

After guys telling me that 99% of rapes survivors are lying (seriously) I don’t think the vast majority of men deserve to get married and have a family. Too entitled and too undeserving. I think society in general is poisoned anymore.