Discussion: Is self discovery necessary in picking a partner? Do you need to go through a process of knowing yourself first?

Anonymous
I was the “good girl.” Whatever that meant to me back then is what I strived for. I thought that I was doing a good job of being who I thought I should be. But I had a lot of insecurities that I hadn’t even had to face before I fell in love with my first boyfriend. Before him and after him I had gotten accustomed to living with the terrible curse of bonding with men only to have platonic feelings arise. I felt like a was “broken” or maybe that love was actually exaggerated. When I met my first boyfriend, it was the first time I ever experienced a feeling of inequality. He was emotionally more advanced than me. Not only had he experienced more of life than I had, but he had adapted to his experiences in ways that I had always wanted to do for myself but didn’t know how to achieve. He had handled his obstacles with reactions that would positively affect his development in his manhood. I’ll leave it up to your imagination to guess what kinds of miscellaneous qualities he had that were so great because they honestly aren’t important to the story. What is worthy of mention is that he was the first PEER who I felt a strong respect for and naturally I submitted. It was a first that I enjoyed immensely. For a good amount of time I felt that his presence made me a better person- or at least just in my own point of view his influence allowed me to grow in ways that I felt were difficult before meeting him (such as maintaining confidence as an example). But eventually things changed. After we broke up, after much pain... I felt stupid to put it bluntly. I no longer trusted my judge of character. And self discovery seemed the only resolution. If I could somehow change the things about me that were attracted to him, maybe I could open myself up to men that were good for me. That’s how I saw it🤷🏼‍♀️. So I went on a liberating/painful process of destroying who I was (which he had already helped do a lot of) and starting a new leaf. Is this the way to go?
Discussion: Is self discovery necessary in picking a partner? Do you need to go through a process of knowing yourself first?
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