Where is jealousy derived from? Can it ever be good? and how (if we can) can we help others who are suffering?

[caring__1]

Jealousy has nothing to do with the quality of love a person feels for another. When people focus on jealousy, they're always saying "I'm jealous of so and so." I've never heard anyone say "I'm jealous of me." In reality, jealousy has nothing to do with anyone but us. It's our way of feeling I'm inadequate to offer you what I feel you want or deserve, or what I'd like to give you, or I feel inadequate to acquire what this other person acquired. Yes, you can make the other person uncomfortable enough to leave your life, but someone will always replace that person, and you'll still feel jealous.

Don't view jealousy as cute and meaningful. It will always be dysfunctional. If you don't want to be jealous, ask yourself to define these expectations of yourself where you feel you don't measure up. Are they realistic? If not get rid of them. If they are, set up a realistic plan to address and resolve those insecurities.

Unfortunately, people find it easier to focus on others than themselves. Maybe you've heard someone say "He thinks he's so smart... just because he has a college degree." That person probably feels insecure for not getting a college degree and thinks putting others down who have a college degree will make him feel better. Though it may feel slightly better for the moment, it will never resolve the issue. Maybe you've seen women comment about a girl in the checkout line, saying, "Oh how disgusting... she must be anorexic... how unhealthy;" just because they get flack for being overweight. Focusing on others will never improve your own self-esteem.

[Kenneth14621]

The thing about jealousy is it is way more common than people think. I just realised a year or two ago when I was reflecting on my life at where all these people came from that used to make fun of me. And I came to realise that a lot of my hate that I got came from jealousy. Because I was a 6'1 white guy with blonde hair and blue eyes. I was very good looking. And tall. And many people just hate that. They think tall guys are arrogant. Just remember. Any time you feel good... someone is jealous. It is almost not worth feeling good. You do not know how much I have been through in my life from people being jelous of me. I mean people just don't like me. It hurts my feelings. I have people who have been rude to me for 20 freaking years straight. They never tire of trying to "straighten out my attitude". Or "bring me down a notch".

[DellBell]

I'm not gonna lie I get jealous and I think if I didn't love that person or care so much I wouldn't be jealous. I think it's good in a healthy way for example if a woman was hitting on you're man. If you're a Jealous person like myself you would go over there and tell her to back off and that the guy is going out with you.


If I didn't get jealous of another woman hitting on him then obviously I don't care to much about him or really love him.

It all depends on the person though. Everyone is different.

Now in saying that if you got jealous over extremely small things like one of his workmates commenting on his posts or female friends then that's just unhealthy and bad for you're relationship.

[Nmalinova]

Jealousy is horrible! My partner is crazy about this and always has a remark when we get home after a day out because of xyz looking weirdly... It starts to really get on the nerves because there are incidents at work about people/superiors hitting and I cannot talk about the issues like a proper adult because he'll get crazy!

I mean a LITTLE jealousy is healthy, but getting to the point where the other person doesn't want you to go on your own or taking up certain sports coz of high male attendance, is very counterproductive to say the least in a relationship...

[TheorionMage]

Jealousy is borne of your Paramour's skewed values, in which YOUR 'dollar's worth' of effort and attention is NOT EQUAL TO someone else's 'nickel's worth' Gross under-appreciation of YOUR worth.

An excellent therapeutic 'read' is Robert Heinlein's "Time Enough For Love".

[Anonymous]

I have several relatives who are jealous of me. It happened because when we were kids their parents always used my family as a model/example of how they wanted their kids to be and kept telling them, "be like your cousins". Now as adults half of them get attitudes/feel neglected if I don't go out of my way to contact them but they never contact me. I tried for years but eventually just said screw it. I don't even care about them at all now since they never treated me like family.

[RoxyFoxx]

Jealousy is essential to make you improve yourself. If you're happy being a miserable loser, you'll remain a miserable loser for the rest of your life. It is only when you compare yourself to others and see how bad you are that you try to become better.

[spartan55]

There are definitely those that believe jealousy goes hand in hand with 'caring' for someone. I can't wrap my head around that.

[SphynxUK]

Isn’t jealousy simply about the jealous person not loving/liking themselves? And begrudging people for it? Wanting what they don’t have etc?

[Prof_Don]

Desiring what others want, can be a strong motivational tool when harnessed correctly!

[Orangesareyummy]

No I think hurt feelings and jealousy lead to distrust. Jealousy can even lead to criminal behavior.

[Shihab-91]

a little bit of jealousy is a sign of love. but a little bit

[Phoenix98]

I think a little jealously every now and then is ok but overall I don't really see it as necessary.

[Flower7]

Jealousy is most likely rooted in low self-esteem.

[Waldoe]

its NEVER good

[Davrath_]

Yess