Girlfriend has received an apology from her ex. Should I be worried?

[Nawlins34]

I would be concerned for a number of reasons.

1.) Timing - you said, "She hasn’t shown me bit she told me she received it a last week" - If you don't speak to each other everyday and she told you the first time she had an opportunity? Disregard, no issue here.

If you two speak everyday? This is an issue, because this is an indication that she thought about it for a bit and decided to tell you about it. It is also an indication of how comfortable she feels telling you something on her mind.

2.) I'm with you on the friend request/acceptance. I believe exes belong in the past.

You have leverage here because you confirmed she never spoke about him (by the way, guys reading this, this is why you want to know about the guy before you. You want a good idea of the likelihood he's coming back, how she feels about him, etc.)

Now with her adding him, she can't justify doing so without having that conversation. You two need to have a real conversation about her past now, because she's dragging it into the present and could impact the future between you two.

I advise you to have that serious discussion. In a relationship, every move we make either helps or hurts that relationship, how does his presence in her phone, benefit the current relationship?

That's my take on it, I hope I helped. Be safe and good luck.

[rjroy3]

Be concerned with how rock solid your relationship is and how attracted she is to you. Nothing more.

Be the confident guy she fell in love with. Do that and you won't have to worry.

Objectively could that become an issue? Yes.

But the way to address it is to be the better man while maintaining reasonable boundaries. So focus there.

I've been in your position before. Sometimes the ex tries to get her back or to get with her sexually. Sometimes they don't even try. But I've never had it to where the guy tried something and my girlfriend take him up on it.

Almost always he tries something, she chooses me, and then she cut them off entirely because she loves me. Absolute best thing for you is to maintain your at ease nature and be who you are in the face of another guy.

Instinctually if him being around does not phase you, then your girl will sense that. Confident that she chose well by being with you and that you are her strong man.

Do the opposite, get jealous or act insecure as if you have to worry about him as a sexual threat and instinctually she will feel that and view him as a sexual threat. And she'll "feel" "why is he insecure about this guy as if he could get me?"

And she'll start to feel that way more and more if you get insecure. Sucks because it's a self fulfilling prophecy even if the circumstances are somewhat something of potential concern.

[Cynicaldreamer]

Yeah, I'm going to be honest- I'd be a little concerned. Mostly because she wants to be friends with him and let him back in her life. Why?

Why she is reconnecting with an ex when: 1) she's with you now and, 2) things with him supposedly ended so badly.

Maybe it's just me, but if an ex hurt me, I don't even want to see him again, much less be "friends" with him. Fine, he wanted to apologize: let him, then move on!

I think you need to express your concerns with her. No, you aren't being insecure or jealous! You're worried and want to her to know you love and care for her, and don't want some ex hurting her again. If she cares about you, I think the least she can do is hear you out, and tell you what's going on.

[bobalife]

I’d be worried too that my s/o was not fully honest because of the friend request. You can give her the benefit of the doubt but be cautious and have an open conversation on your worries and what really happened in that relationship, or why is he even suddenly apologizing. Hopefully she can reassure you. Maybe it was also confusing and difficult for her to share because she didn’t want you to feel insecure. But she did respect you enough to share some truth to it.

[OlderAndWiser]

How long have you been dating?

[EternallyCorrect]

The absolute worst thing you can do in this situation is "express your concerns and tell her how you feel".

That makes you look like a bitch because you're coming at it with completely the wrong frame: you're afraid of losing her. That's an almost guaranteed way to push her into the arms of the other man.

Instead she should be afraid that she might lose you if she carries on talking to him, and you should be willing to walk if she doesn't stop because in that case it's only a matter of time until you catch her with his dick in her mouth anyway. You've got to be willing to lose her and you've got to give it to her straight.

If you do this she'll probably try to gaslight you as @nomidnight4298 mentioned. She'll complain that you don't trust her and will probably accuse you of being insecure/jealous. Don't fall for it.

The way I put it is like this: I'm territorial and protective over the things I care about. I trust the locks on my car. I'm still not going to sit back and watch someone try to break into it, I'm going to tell them to get the fuck away from my car. She's got two choices:
1) I can be territorial, she can respect that and respect me, and I'll care about her and value her more
2) I can not be territorial, she can go and do whatever she wants, I won't give a shit about her and I'll value her less

If she's attracted enough and cares enough it will be hard for her to go against that because she wants you to care. If she's not attracted enough and doesn't care enough you're doomed anyway, she's basically choosing to continue to speak to her ex over keeping you around.

Some people might call this manipulative but it's not a control tactic, it's a boundary I'm unwilling to compromise on.

[Citizenkirk]

Whatever it is you are worried about weather or not too worry, it seems pointless, because the worst outcome you are immagining, is not within your sphere if influence too prevent, and if you try, your girlfriend will not thank you for mistrust of her and your attempt too interfere in something she has not seen fit too share with you will only breed resentment between the two of you.
Getting all up in her face about it will tell her you don't trust her, and maybe I'm not up top date on social conventions on dating, but if trust and respect are not the primary focus, than your relationship dynamic will me nothing more than this

[Siren777]

Firstly she told you about it. Which is a good thing. Why not ask to see the apology and ask her why she accepted the friend request?
Secondly make sure you don't have any exes that you are still in contact with as it wouldn't be fair to see the apology when you've been doing the same. Lastly stop worrying, worrying creates a whole lot of BS and assumptions which is the mother of f ups... so best would be to trust and ask if she doesn't want to show you or no valid reason then it's best to let her know how that makes you feel.

[guesswhoseback]

Yeah your concern is justified. It’s one thing if her ex just wanted closure about something, apologized, wished her best of luck and then moved on (I was that guy once). Completely different story if he wants to stay in contact with her.

It’s bad enough he is doing this while knowing she’s with someone else (does he know?) but your girlfriend is being very disrespectful to you by accepting his friend request. That’s messed up.

I would confront her on this. If she tries to downplay or justify it in anyway that’s a giant red flag. That would be grounds for a break up if I was in your shoes.

Sorry man.

[Finchie40]

yes you should be worried , why she accepted his friend request is disrespectful to you , just shows she is selfish and only thinking of herself , but she will play a victim and say that you are overreacting, which is not the case at all , It’s things like this that kill relationships, There is no reason for her ex to be a friend with her , it should of just been an apology and that’s it , move on , by him wanting to be friends with her again is pretty much his intentions to make moves on her again and secretly talk to her behind your back , again it is disrespectful. I hate to say it but most girls can’t let go of their exes , they usually put them on a high horse like they were this amazing person. Just be careful man and I would just let your girlfriend know that there is no reason he should be your friend , cuz how would she like it if your ex girlfriend was back in your life? It’s selfish and disrespectful behavior

[AdithyaR]

Well can't be sure. I know people who broke up but stayed good friends cause they were better off as friends than a couple.
It could be such a situation.
But it could be the other as well.

Trust your parnter to do the right thing but also keep an eye on her behaviour and see if you find anything off in the coming days.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend ended in bad terms too and I wouldn't mind it if he wanted closure BUT I'd be worried if he didn't share it with me because I'd feel like he's hiding something... so, if I were you I'd go up to her and ask her -like you care about her feelings- how did it go, if she got closure after the bad ending she told you about and let her open up

[Twalli]

If their breakup was really bad, I doubt they'll get back together. Nevertheless, they can still be amicable again. My sister broke up with a guy who was basically her fiancee back in 2015 and they became friends again in 2018, neither of them want to start dating each other again.

[DeathJack]

I’d be worried, but don’t jump to conclusions. I don’t know the details of why things ended badly, but if he was manipulative she may feel obligated to appease him.


Trust her, trust your relationship. Trust that if she’s worried, she will come to you. Otherwise you can’t stop what’s about to happen without looking like the bad guy.


Maybe ask her, say it concerns you given how things ended. Honesty is 100% the best policy for a relationship.

[Billie_]

Just have a conversation with her about it. If he's come back, he is likely trying to get with her; you need to remind your girlfriend that. Don't keep secrets. It will hurt you both in the long run.

[curiousscorpio89]

Yes you should be worried. The past is the past and you are her present and hopefully her future. But if she's not being 100 up front with you about the apology and accepting his friend request. Then yes, you should be concerned. You didn't provide very much context though...

[nomidnight4298]

Set that boundary and don't let her gaslight you into believing you're in the wrong for being uncomfortable with her interacting with an ex. If it were me I would quickly let her know that she can cut off all contact with the ex or I'm leaving.

[EssenceOfLight]

It seems few diligent nights are being your duty. When she runs two weeks long with dilated pupils at every morning after you have taken care for her needs, she will forget him.

[shade_19]

If she loves u , she won't leave u
If she goes with him, she didn't really love u.
Don't worry, coz it's not gonna help in any case
Just be cool and enjoy the time qith her, if she's want to. U can ask her bout her ex and do they chat and is he trying to go back with her or just wanting to be friendly

[Ellie-V]

Grow up. If you don’t trust her befriending him just say that.

[ct1243]

I’d be worried. She has no business reconnecting with anyone from her past. Is she loves you, she’ll stay and if nothing she never loved you. I’ll confront her about and let her know how you feel.

[supercutebutt]

If you don't mind double-penetration encounters, then you have absolutely nothing to worry about. :)

[pigoat]

Don't worry about it


Break up with her if it bothers you so much

[Imcmullan]

Most likely she accepted him as a friend so that he can see how much she's moved on and so he knows she has a boyfriend now. Think about it, social media is typically used for people to show other people how "awesome" their life is...

[Alexandrubaschet08]

I sugest to keep your eyes on the situation.
More on the ex.

[RACSKC0B]

I don't know depends on too many things. Although depending on the platform the request may have been required to send the message.
Why don't you just ask her what she's planning on doing with it?

[Massageman]

What created the need for an apology? I certainly would not ignore it.

[genericname85]

well what about this: if you don't trust her, why are you with her?

[Anonymous]

Yes and no. I would personally tell her that while you understand closure was necessary and it’s not easy to lose people you care about his spot has been replaced by you. Then I would ask her not to maintain contact with him. Bring the problem to her attention don’t just idly sit by waiting for it to go wrong. She may react with understanding

[EmotionOfFear]

WORRY. And have a serious talk about it with her telling her that you're not really ok with this and it makes you deeply uncomfortable.

[TOTEMPLASTER]

Ask her directly WTF she intends to do about this Ex. Tell her exactly how you feel about the situation so she understands.

[Avicenna]

It's always a cause for concern. If you don't think it's a good idea for her to have contact with him (and it definitely isn't, IMHO), then you should tell her you don't want her to.

[JennieF]

If he initiated it, that's one thing. If she has been connecting with him, that's another.

[Waldoe]

you should talk to her about it, and ask her... nobody can answer this for you

[Anonymous]

Just one more reason to NEVER APOLOGIZE TO A WOMAN.

NEVER, EVER, EVER DO IT!

You will always regret it.

[Account]

It probably means nothing.
She talked to you about it, which means she has nothing to hide.

[Egirl28]

I would trust her and know your relationship is strong now if she starts to lie or cheat thats different but for now trust her

[townhouse]

No she will be able to discern from god and evil intent

[Magarmor64]

Not full on worried just a bit cautious but it should be fine I mean she left him for a reason right

[SpaceGalaxy]

Dump the bitch! She accepted his friendship request? Are you freakin kidding me? Tell her to go back to her freakin ex!!! There is a reason an ex is an ex!!!

[SavageGirl101]

Why would she accept a friend request from her ex? datss suspiciousss

[jshm2]

No.

It will hopefully give her closure.

[Not_Average]

Ask her what’s up with that

[KrakenAttackin]

Who knows. Find the letter and read it.

[BeenThereLovedIt]

I'd be worried, red flag for sure.

[Lana1313]

No, you shouldn't be worried

[ayomanwya]

Yeah you should be worried

[Iron_Man]

Yes danger old feelings coming back

[AFellowWeeb]

Huge red flag

[Jmmmfi4]

Tell her to block his number

[Emperorxxxemilio]

If she’s loyal, no. Consider this a test.

[Anonymous]

Yep. He want's that pussy back for himself.