Please help😭💔?

I'm in love with a gay guy. There was a time when we were in a relationship, before he stops dating girls.
I fell in love with him for the second time. I revealed my feelings to him. He seemed totally fine with it. But I wasn't. I had to cut him out of my life. It was really painful because I didn't really want to do that.
I feel like he's the man of my dreams and I wish I could have his children because I'm so attracted to him on any level: sexually, emotionally, romantically, spiritually, aesthetically..
Even though I don't talk to him anymore, I still can't stop thinking about him. I see him in my dreams every single night 😭.
I would marry him. I feel like I will never meet another guy like him. (I've known him for 14 years). I cry almost every day. I can't stop being so sad. I don't know what else I can do.
He's unique. I'm just fantasizing about him coming under my house saying that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me..😭😭😭 I'm in constant pain.
Please help😭💔?
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