Why is finance a big secret in relationships/ dating?

Question

Updates:

1 mo

There was a YouTube video about finances and relationship. They were married until they found out about how much the other person it was in debt.

Why don’t people talk about it in the beginning?

Answer 1

ArrowheadSW | 479 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

Do you mean that two people who are dating usually keep their financial situation secret?

Justneedtokno

1 mo
Oh no when looking up in all relationships and things they don’t really talk about finances and I wonder why. There was a whole YouTube video where They were married until they found out about how much the other person it was in debt.
ArrowheadSW

1 mo
Ah OK I see what you mean. When in a relationship and especially if a couple is married, it is of major importance to discuss finances. A poor financial situation can be so stressful on a marriage. It is a leading cause of divorce.
Justneedtokno

1 mo
I totally agree.

Answer 2

Justneedtokno

Oh no when looking up in all relationships and things they don’t really talk about finances and I wonder why. There was a whole YouTube video where They were married until they found out about how much the other person it was in debt.

Answer 3

ArrowheadSW

Ah OK I see what you mean. When in a relationship and especially if a couple is married, it is of major importance to discuss finances. A poor financial situation can be so stressful on a marriage. It is a leading cause of divorce.

Answer 4

Justneedtokno

I totally agree.

Answer 5

Unit1 | 4.6K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

Two words - Gold diggers!

And for the dames? It's one word - Gigolos.

Justneedtokno

1 mo
But there are guy debt too. For example students loans
Unit1

1 mo
Yes, you are correct. The sky is blue indeed. Who wouldn't know.
Justneedtokno

1 mo
Did you even read my update
Show All Show Less
Unit1

1 mo
This is no news. My main concern are gold diggers and gold diggers will scram if there is no money to be extracted.

If I was rich I would never flash with my wealth or tell her "I make 136K every month after taxes".

And some walk with Gucci, iPhones and Louis Vuitton with overcharged credit cards under the disguise of a rappers lifestyle but their banks are ringing home on a daily basis with their automated calls.

It is embarrassing to talk about being in debts.
And it opens a gateway for gold diggers if we tell her we make more money than 80% of the population.
Justneedtokno

1 mo
You must’ve been taken advantage of
DCooper

1 mo
Gotta find you a debt free tattooless virgin !
Unit1

1 mo
I was taken advantage of. But not like this. I was used for my child support money and i grew up penniless. Felt like being robbed. There's nothing fun in that and yet many guys enjoy spending their own money on stranger women.
Justneedtokno

1 mo
I’m sorry that happened to you. I always think if you’re discussing finance with a person then you’re becoming serious with the person. It’s not a beginning stages of dating it’s like relationship. Maybe close to marriage at this point.
Unit1

1 mo
Maybe. I've never reached that point in my life. Still i won't tell I'm rich if i am rich.
Justneedtokno

1 mo
Good. Not that you’re rich more so stable. Question Like Do you have any debt? Not how much you make because if you think about it. When you first started dating you talk about the work that you do. Building wealth together is a beautiful thing.
Unit1

1 mo
I agree.
Believe it or not but I am not even "privileged" to get into any debts in the first place. I say "privileged" because it depends on how you look at it.
So therefore I have 0 debts. Could have needed a loan back then however. I'd be making more money today.
Justneedtokno

1 mo
That is wonderful for you. Next time you open up. Give a chance. Not all women are gold diggers.
Unit1

1 mo
I still feel reluctant about it. Like I want no one to know, that I am wealthy. Expectations arise. Backstabbing happens. There are still many evil females out there :/
Justneedtokno

1 mo
Many but not all. Find one that already accomplish her self. That way she wouldn’t be blinded by money.
Unit1

1 mo
Hm, yeah, I suppose that makes sense.
Unit1

1 mo
Thanks for the most helpful opinion
VanillaSalt

1 mo
Don’t listen to her. Fact is women don’t marry penniless men. Their boring and broke. Don’t tell her your debt or income. She can commit and found out after she can Bolivar replace you with a better version.
Unit1

1 mo

That's more like it

Answer 6

Justneedtokno

But there are guy debt too. For example students loans

Answer 7

Unit1

Yes, you are correct. The sky is blue indeed. Who wouldn't know.

Answer 8

Justneedtokno

Did you even read my update

Answer 9

Unit1

This is no news. My main concern are gold diggers and gold diggers will scram if there is no money to be extracted.

If I was rich I would never flash with my wealth or tell her "I make 136K every month after taxes".

And some walk with Gucci, iPhones and Louis Vuitton with overcharged credit cards under the disguise of a rappers lifestyle but their banks are ringing home on a daily basis with their automated calls.

It is embarrassing to talk about being in debts.
And it opens a gateway for gold diggers if we tell her we make more money than 80% of the population.

Answer 10

Justneedtokno

You must’ve been taken advantage of

Answer 11

DCooper

Gotta find you a debt free tattooless virgin !

Answer 12

Unit1

I was taken advantage of. But not like this. I was used for my child support money and i grew up penniless. Felt like being robbed. There's nothing fun in that and yet many guys enjoy spending their own money on stranger women.

Answer 13

Justneedtokno

I’m sorry that happened to you. I always think if you’re discussing finance with a person then you’re becoming serious with the person. It’s not a beginning stages of dating it’s like relationship. Maybe close to marriage at this point.

Answer 14

Unit1

Maybe. I've never reached that point in my life. Still i won't tell I'm rich if i am rich.

Answer 15

Justneedtokno

Good. Not that you’re rich more so stable. Question Like Do you have any debt? Not how much you make because if you think about it. When you first started dating you talk about the work that you do. Building wealth together is a beautiful thing.

Answer 16

Unit1

I agree.
Believe it or not but I am not even "privileged" to get into any debts in the first place. I say "privileged" because it depends on how you look at it.
So therefore I have 0 debts. Could have needed a loan back then however. I'd be making more money today.

Answer 17

Justneedtokno

That is wonderful for you. Next time you open up. Give a chance. Not all women are gold diggers.

Answer 18

Unit1

I still feel reluctant about it. Like I want no one to know, that I am wealthy. Expectations arise. Backstabbing happens. There are still many evil females out there :/

Answer 19

Justneedtokno

Many but not all. Find one that already accomplish her self. That way she wouldn’t be blinded by money.

Answer 20

Unit1

Hm, yeah, I suppose that makes sense.

Answer 21

Unit1

Thanks for the most helpful opinion

Answer 22

VanillaSalt

Don’t listen to her. Fact is women don’t marry penniless men. Their boring and broke. Don’t tell her your debt or income. She can commit and found out after she can Bolivar replace you with a better version.

Answer 23

Unit1

Why is finance a big secret in relationships/ dating?

That's more like it

Answer 24

Siren777 | 114 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 7

I find it only important when getting serious. A serious relationship, everything should be out on the table with honesty. As the financial situation can make or break the relationship. It's imperative, when you're rational, savvy or you've built success only for someone to leach. So for some they prevent having gold diggers, leaches or people with no ambition. Sometimes social class and their traditions and what society may think. Thats if they care enough about that. You would want to protect your wealth and see if someone is there for the wealth or because they can gain. So for many reasons but mainly to protect themselves.

Answer 25

MillenniumBill

Xper 6

Why shouldn't it be? When two get married, then each other has a Right to know. Till then, "that's classified".
What's next?
Exchanging Social Security Numbers and bank accounts on a first date?

Justneedtokno

1 mo
I always think if you’re discussing finance with a person then you’re becoming serious with the person. It’s not a beginning stages of dating it’s like relationship. Maybe close to marriage at this point.
MillenniumBill

1 mo
Being close to marriage wasn't stipulated in the question. I was referring to any general time
Justneedtokno

1 mo
But that’s what I’m referring to. In the beginning you’re already telling them what you do as far as your career. There’s no mystery of how much you make.

Answer 26

Justneedtokno

I always think if you’re discussing finance with a person then you’re becoming serious with the person. It’s not a beginning stages of dating it’s like relationship. Maybe close to marriage at this point.

Answer 27

MillenniumBill

Being close to marriage wasn't stipulated in the question. I was referring to any general time

Answer 28

Justneedtokno

But that’s what I’m referring to. In the beginning you’re already telling them what you do as far as your career. There’s no mystery of how much you make.

Answer 29

Dragonpurple | 53 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 5

I get it being secret until you get serious about being married or so forth, cause no one wants a girl to like them just cause they are rich.

However before taking that next step it should be talked about.

Answer 30

Dontaa

Xper 4

Because people know that person's financial situation can:

Make a person not want them (in the case of being too poor)
Make a person like them for thier money and nothing else (gold diggers)

I'm pretty sure you already know this.

Dontaa

1 mo
In other words, the fear of the person losing intrest due to thier finicial situation can be the reason why they don't want to talk about it right away.

Along with it being the other way, where the person would be afraid of the other person wanting to be with them for thier money rather than who they're are, so to make sure they don't want them for thier money they keep it a secret until they think it's okay to reveal how rich they are.

Answer 31

Dontaa

In other words, the fear of the person losing intrest due to thier finicial situation can be the reason why they don't want to talk about it right away.

Along with it being the other way, where the person would be afraid of the other person wanting to be with them for thier money rather than who they're are, so to make sure they don't want them for thier money they keep it a secret until they think it's okay to reveal how rich they are.

Answer 32

jasco | 684 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

Men/Women just don't like broke people. I don't like being around broke, no life, doesn't want a life, people. So most men/women would prefer someone better off

Answer 33

Waldoe | 361 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Yoda

If you Have money, you don't need someone Looking for a free ride...
If you're in Debt, you may need someone to bail you out...

Justneedtokno

1 mo
Read my update

Answer 34

Justneedtokno

Read my update

Answer 35

Outofthegrey | 782 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

Because my money isn't up for grabs so no need to know about it. If we're making a joint purchase sure you should know its a stable investment but I make enough to support myself and that's all that really matters.

Answer 36

hahahmm | 957 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

A man's finances are like a woman's body count. When you're honest about yours we'll tell you about ours.

VanillaSalt

1 mo
Speak for yourself
hahahmm

1 mo
@VanillaSalt You could follow your own advice and not butt into my opinion.
VanillaSalt

1 mo
You said well. Your speaking for others you meant to say “I’ll”

Answer 37

VanillaSalt

Speak for yourself

Answer 38

hahahmm

@VanillaSalt You could follow your own advice and not butt into my opinion.

Answer 39

VanillaSalt

You said well. Your speaking for others you meant to say “I’ll”

Answer 40

Agape93 | 1.9K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

Unless the funds are 100% pooled, it’s nobodies business what the other partner makes.

Answer 41

DCooper | 156 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 7

That info is only distributed on a 'need to know' basis. And a short term fling don't need to know.

Answer 42

Jamie05rhs | 1.4K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

Probably because people don't want to be used just for their money.

Jamie05rhs

1 mo
Re: update: Wow. How do people even get married without disclosing their finances to one another? That's crazy.

Answer 43

Jamie05rhs

Re: update: Wow. How do people even get married without disclosing their finances to one another? That's crazy.

Answer 44

Maspolomas | 91 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 6

Sometimes the SO could think if they new how much I was making they would want to spend more on things

Answer 45

COMMODOREII | 1.8K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

Because if you tell them in the beginning then they take advantage of you

Why is finance a big secret in relationships/ dating?

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