How horrible am I? Am I a bad person? Did I do the right thing? If this what's best for my wonderful and beautiful family?

horribleguy17
I will chalk it up to "To me I have the best family in the world." I have four beautiful children that I adore along with a wife. well ex-wife now. They were my world and still are. I lost my brother that my children never met. I lost my brother a few weeks ago. Me and him hadn't talked in almost 20 years. He was coming home just to make amends to me but he crashed before he made it home. I started drinking a lot. Started going to a bar instead of going to work. I did my best to go to work but with the shape I was in my boss sent me home. I went to a bar instead. I would drink and then stop. By the time I was ok to go home I no longer smelled like alcohol. I was good enough to hide the way I was from my family. I realized that I started staying out later than usual. I left my family because if I would have stayed I would have ended up disappearing for days on end and scaring the hell out of them. I told my wife that it was for another women which was a lie. I left and told my wife I didn't want her or my children though I love them. This is better for them right? If hurts them less to think I left letting them know rather than disappearing? This will help them right? I am in a dark place. My family is my number one priority. Was leaving them the right thing? I hope one day I can get my shit together and go back. If my wife doesn't take me back so be it, I will ask her if I can at least see our children. I am a horrible person, right?
How horrible am I? Am I a bad person? Did I do the right thing? If this what's best for my wonderful and beautiful family?
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