Is it toxic to want to date a lonewolf who has no friends or family?

Question

I dont want us to always cling to eachother, but i like knowing that he’s a lonewolf who likes to do things by himself if not with me. Like I want us to be eachother’s all or nothing. By nothing, I’m saying, i want us to go off separate from eachother and enjoy our own hobbies and interests to avoid constantly clinging to eachother, but i also want us to come together at times and do other hobbies with eachother. Basically, I want to know that he’s available if i need him. My current crush still hangs with all of his exes and it drives me bonkers. It just feels disrespectful and well I feel like if the guy has no friends (by choice) then its less trouble. Is it bad to want this? I’m sure hardly anyone else seeks what I seek. Please share your opinion respectfully.

Answer 1

caring__1 | 1.2K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

A person's value as a partner isn't measured by how social they are. There are social butterflies who prioritize friendships over everything else, and there are those who prioritize their relationship over everything else. We all have preferences. If not, when you go to a restaurant, they'd just say this is for dinner, and there would be no menu. There is nothing wrong with choosing what works best for you. Just realize that people won't change to become your ideal. If you later change your mind and want him to socialize, you'll probably be disappointed. Never choose something you wouldn't appreciate long-term.

Also, never be critical of yourself because what you appreciate isn't what society promotes. Unfortunately, there can be a downside to this. What I view as ideal when it comes to female looks isn't what society promotes as ideal. Therefore, it is very challenging to find women who have the look I appreciate and feel good about what they bring to the relationship. It's no fun being with an insecure partner. Find someone who enjoys being a lone wolf, not someone who feels defective because he's a lone wolf.

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1 Person

Asker

1 y
I def want this long term. And yes i want a lonewolf. Not a loner. Loners are desperately seeking friendship. Great advice though

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caring__1

1 y
The challenge is finding them. They're working behind the scenes rather than in the limelight. Sometimes you can find them in interest groups (gardening, photography, bird watching, etc.). Others just do everything alone, so they are harder to find. If I knew your interests, I might be able to make more specific suggestions.

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Asker

1 y
Mainly shows, movies, music and collecting things like art and stuff.

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caring__1

1 y
Sometimes you can meet these types of people at music or video stores, off the beaten path theaters that specialize in certain types of movies, art studios/galleries, country fairs, flea markets, craft shows, Renaissance Fairs and classes offered by your community or local college. You could also become a docent at a museum or art gallery. Go to these types of places and talk with others to see if they can suggest options that might be local to you.

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Asker

1 y
Yes i used to meet great guys at the music store fye and they freakin closed it down! Bow the only store left is for vinyl records vut ima cd lover. Ig they could work too though. I want to go to agallery badly but the ones here suck. I graduated college years ago. Thank you for ideas tho

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caring__1

1 y
You're welcome.
Even if you've graduated from college, that doesn't mean you can't visit the same or another college. My alma mater (UCLA) has plenty to offer people in all the areas you are interested. Much is free or low-cost. There's another college near me that would be ideal for your interests: https://calarts.edu/
Keep networking with local people to discover all your local gems.

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Answer 2

Asker

I def want this long term. And yes i want a lonewolf. Not a loner. Loners are desperately seeking friendship. Great advice though

Answer 3

caring__1

The challenge is finding them. They're working behind the scenes rather than in the limelight. Sometimes you can find them in interest groups (gardening, photography, bird watching, etc.). Others just do everything alone, so they are harder to find. If I knew your interests, I might be able to make more specific suggestions.

Answer 4

Asker

Mainly shows, movies, music and collecting things like art and stuff.

Answer 5

caring__1

Sometimes you can meet these types of people at music or video stores, off the beaten path theaters that specialize in certain types of movies, art studios/galleries, country fairs, flea markets, craft shows, Renaissance Fairs and classes offered by your community or local college. You could also become a docent at a museum or art gallery. Go to these types of places and talk with others to see if they can suggest options that might be local to you.

Answer 6

Asker

Yes i used to meet great guys at the music store fye and they freakin closed it down! Bow the only store left is for vinyl records vut ima cd lover. Ig they could work too though. I want to go to agallery badly but the ones here suck. I graduated college years ago. Thank you for ideas tho

Answer 7

caring__1

You're welcome.
Even if you've graduated from college, that doesn't mean you can't visit the same or another college. My alma mater (UCLA) has plenty to offer people in all the areas you are interested. Much is free or low-cost. There's another college near me that would be ideal for your interests: https://calarts.edu/
Keep networking with local people to discover all your local gems.

Answer 8

dreamstar72 | 453 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

My wife found me and fell in love with me. I was somewhat like a lonewolf with no friends and little family. We are still very happy with each other. There is nothing wrong with being a lonewolf, since it save on everything money, heart break, emotional pain, etc

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1 Person

Asker

1 y
I agree! She was so lucky to have found you 😍

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dreamstar72

1 y
Thanks, but I’m lucky to have her

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Answer 9

Asker

I agree! She was so lucky to have found you 😍

Answer 10

dreamstar72

Thanks, but I’m lucky to have her

Answer 11

exitseven | 2.8K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

A boyfriend is a person and not a pet. This guy had friends when you met him and now you want him to turn his back on his friends. That is not realistic and kind of selfish.
If you want somebody with no friends then you have to find someone like that.

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Asker

1 y
I never said that. You should read better. I said i would like someone who already didn't have friends. Of course if he already had friends i respect that. I just dont respect the current guy constantly dropping the middle of our plans for then

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exitseven

1 y
I just read this over again. It looks like you don't like him hanging out with his exes/ I don't really blame you for that. It is an issue you need to discuss with him.

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Answer 12

Asker

I never said that. You should read better. I said i would like someone who already didn't have friends. Of course if he already had friends i respect that. I just dont respect the current guy constantly dropping the middle of our plans for then

Answer 13

exitseven

I just read this over again. It looks like you don't like him hanging out with his exes/ I don't really blame you for that. It is an issue you need to discuss with him.

Answer 14

Silvius | 144 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 7

Do it

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Asker

1 y
So its not bad?

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Silvius

1 y
No, you can change him

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Asker

1 y
Why would i change him if thats what i want

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Answer 15

Asker

So its not bad?

Answer 16

Silvius

No, you can change him

Answer 17

Asker

Why would i change him if thats what i want

Is it toxic to want to date a lonewolf who has no friends or family?

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