I hate-love my father. Am I normal?

I'm 26 yo and 2 years ago I moved back with my parents due to financial reasons (still a student). Since I was a teenager my father has abused (still does) me mentally through jokes (there are some hurtful ones + I've been bullied during HG). I am grateful for him to provide for our family but I noticed that pops is emotionally caring towards others and he completely take his daughter's emotions for granted. My mother is the most precious, caring and loving person I've ever known.

Somedays I just wish I could part from this life (by the way I would never end my life for religious reasons).
I never been in relationship cause every single man I see in front of me resembles my father. I used to have friends to rely on but I became a jerk cause I don't care about others and I don't want others to care about me (friends used to say I was a good person to hang around with).
I am numb and I don't believe in people anymore.

At this point, I feel hopeless and the only emotion I've mostly known is pain. I actually don't know how to love and care for another person.
Am I the only one to feel this way?
I don't know what to do.
I hate-love my father. Am I normal?
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