Why do we get hurt by those we love?

you know the old saying "you always hurt those you love," well why is the person that you love the most the one that causes you the most pain? emotional pain, that is. is it because we feel that we have so much to lose? or do we just fall for the wrong person? I just don't understand this at all. why do we allow ourselves to be put down and let down, over and over again? I'm not just speaking in defense of the women, I know plenty of men who have been hurt too and I just don't understand why we let it get to that point.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Its becasue love is more than a friendship. Its a soul bond between two people. Therefor you get more deeper and more emotional the more you love someone.

    The truth is, when we "lose" someone, like when they break up with you, your not really losing anything. In fact, your gaining the experience that you have earned by being in the relationship. That's what relationships really are. Every single relationship a person enters, they are going to gain some kind of experience in dating, love, ect. Whether or not the relationship works out, that experience is all that matters because if it does work out, then you haven't lost anything. And if it doesn't work out, you'll use that experience in the next relationship.

    My theory is that this cycle repeats itself until we find the one we truly love. In which case, our past relationships have already given us all the experience we need to make it succeed. Of course then comes of the peronal opinions in the relationship, or the accidents, or the things that we don't expect. In those cases, that's where your skill comes into play. Your skill of loving the other person, understanding them, knowing what it feels like to be something different, being someone different ect.

    So no, you don't really fall for the "wrong" person, your just building it up until you find the "right" person. And we let ourselves be put down over and over again because we know that eventually things will get better, it always has and it always will. Its in all of us to know that if something is going wrong, our bodies have to do something to fix it which brings a challenge in front of us. Challenges make us all stronger.

    We let it get to that point because despite how we think of our "partners", they are still another human, and its in human mind to let others be who they want to be. We will let our partners do things they want to do, just because we don't want to upset them, we want them to be free, we want them to be like ourselves, and therefore, eventually they are bound to do something bad, or stupid or what have you to the point where we can't put up with them and we leave them.

    Its just because were humans, nothing more, nothing less.

    • But you do lose something - you lose time. That was the only thing that bothered me about my failed LTRs, was the time invested. As a woman there is a deadline to have children. Also women feel that as they get older, the less worthy men feel they are. I agree with the experiences though - I just wished it didn't take so much "experience" to knock some sense in me, lol.

    • Show All
    • Thankfully it didn't take a lifetime with me. I just remember the disbelief when one of my relationships crumbled - five years for what? Thankfully, that led to my husband - I guess you never know what your heartache will give you in the future. But at the time - it just seemed like a huge waste of time.

    • Im glad you found someone special, everyone deserves one. Hopefully I can find mine sometime!

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What Guys Said 3

  • I agree with many of the things that have already been said here. I think that one big thing that's a factor is that all too often people love other people that don't love them back. You see this in relationships all the time. They like them a lot and all that, but they don't love them. The girl may love the guy but he only likes her or visa versus. When you have that, the person that loves is opening themselves to get hurt, and sometimes hurt very badly. The reason is because the loving person's expectations of the other one is much too high, so when they let them down it's usually a shock and it hurts them deeply to be offended that way. When you truly love someone that love raises to the spiritual level because love is eternal so it's something you'll never forget. Loving someone forms a bond with them that you don't expect to be broken, so when they do something that breaks that bond and mutual trust it causes a great beak in trust. When you've trusted and cared for another person even more than yourself and have made sacrifices for them, it's a terrific let down to see them turning their backs on you. None of this happens when you don't love a person. Only a person in love can be hurt this way and this much. That's why we get hurt by the ones we love. Because that person has let you down when they've led you to believe that they loved you just as much as you loved them and that they'd always be there for you, but not they're not.

  • Partly it's because when you care for someone, there's a greater potential for hurt. You're opening up your heart and being more vulnerable, so you can get oversensitive compared to other relationships.

  • Because when we trust someone ILLUSION HAS BEGUN!

    We get vulnerable when we are in love with someone, we get weak and stupid, we just close our eyes to every bad thing about that person, the WARNING message in our brains just turn off and when you open your eyes, BOOM your partner already lied to you fooled you cheated on you etc.


What Girls Said 2

  • There could be many possiblities to why this happens. Generally, the ones we love the most are the ones that hurt us the most. It because we love them, care for them, trust him. Its like that saying goes.Love is giving someone your heart, an trust them not to break it. Once that trust is broken we become weak and vulerable.

    It depends on the situation . if someone has been hurt then they need time to heal. They need time to get over it, work through it, to the point of it not existing anymore. When someone gets hurt who hasn't full excepted the pain and moved on and then gets hurt once again. The same old pain that was once there gets doubled up. Some goes for relationship if you get out of one bad relationship and go right into another one with out fully getting over the pain and hurt from the previous one. then th cycle continues.

    We need time, we need space, we need room to be able to let go of the people, the pain that once hurt us before we can move forward.

    Love has a way of breaking our walls that we put up to protect us. Once those walls come down-we are open for pain and hurt. It sucks but that's life.

    • But does it really suck? Would you take back all that you learned to not be hurt from heartache? When I think about the pain I went thru to be the woman I am today - it seems worth it to me. Of course, back when it was fresh - I was all I could do to just get through the day. For you personally, is it something worth going through? Just curious, you had some really good points.

    • Honestly, I have to say..YES, she is was worth it. To made me stronger, its helps me realize the important things in life. He helps me understand what I wanted out of life, a partner, and as mother. It made who I am today.. and feel that I have a better relationship with everyone because of the pain that I endured through out my marriage. I now know the signs to look for and I now know how to protect myslef from pain.

    • Thank you for sharing. I wish you the best.

  • It's because we emotionally invest more in those we love the most. I'm sure when a mere acquaintance insults you, it doesn't hurt as much as your husband. That's because we care more about what our husbands think than just an acquaintance.

    It's a risk to be in a relationship the walls that are normally up to "protect" you from people in general are not there. Which exposes all your softest and most tender parts - and those are more susceptible to pain. Also, people who are loved have more ammunition to hurt you - who else do you give your most sacred secrets to?

    I feel, as well, those that love us are generally loved in return. With that love comes a feeling of security. With that security comes the belief that their behavior will always be accepted.

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