Why does my boyfriends mum ignore me and exclude me from the family chat?

[MSC2949]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year, I’ve recently spent time with him and his family. I’m very kind and polite to his mum but I get cold vibes, like she doesn’t like me or approve of me for some reason.

Recently she’s stopped interacting with me on social media and she has stopped liking my posts, even though she views my stories all the time. In a group chat between my boyfriend and his parents his dad and my boyfriend interact with me and like my comments and talk to me but his mum completely ignores me. It’s become very obvious she is purposely excluding me. She will reply to my boyfriend and his dad but ignore all my comments. Her husband (my boyfriends dad) always replies to my stories and comments nice things on my posts but she has never done that. It’s interesting that she’s always looking at what I’m doing and views my stories all the time, but she acts like I’m invisible. When I’m around her she acts like my presence really bothers her and is cold and snappy with me.

What is her issue with me? Why does she ignore me and exclude me?

[Twalli]

Two reasons
1) he's her only child, lives with her and she had him at a relatively young age. Therefore you represent the one constant in her life for the past __ years leaving. If you don't live nearby then that's going to be difficult.
2) He's a momma's boy. Both are dependent upon the other one. Strictly speaking, your relationship with him would be strained if this was the case, because his mom's opinion of you would influence his.

My girlfriend is expierencing the first problem because she's lived with her parents for 37 years. Her mom is having trouble letting her go. It helps that I am a 20 minute drive away. So she can visit regularly. My sister had tg he second problem with her boyfriend. When he wouldn't stand up for her against his mom she dumped him. Apparently he was bisexual because he has a husb5n ku w, although he might have been a closet homosexual because my sister was his second sexual partner.

[xColinx]

Based on the details you shared, it doesn't sound like the actual content of the messages is too concerning... HOWEVER, it's more concerning if you've let him know you're not comfortable with him communicating so much with another woman and he's seemingly disregarding your feelings.

Do you think it might help if you're a bit more blunt with him about how you feel about it all?

[Avicenna]

Havre you asked your boyfriend why? He knows her best. It probably has little to nothing to do with you.

[hahahmm]

You're not married. No matter how much some people claim that marriage is just a piece of paper it's more than that and if you were married you would be officially part of the family & have 100% approval of your husband. The fact you are not married is taken as a signal that you're replaceable/not forever. I mean, he's probably had other girlfriends before you. Mom may think there's better girlfriends for him out there. Or maybe she is jealous/worried about him being more about his relationship than dealing with her. That's not really your problem. But you can't expect to be treated as a 100% part of the family when you're really not. I know a lot of people have a hard time believing this because they are so used to being in an in-between situation.

[Finchie40]

Mom’s are usually very protective over their son’s and they don’t think any girl is right for him , Most mom’s will assume she is going to break his heart and leave him for someone else or cheat on him , So to get his Mom to respect you and include you is going to take some time, until she feels you are in it for the long haul and that you truly love her son , Most Mom’s see no wrong in her boy’s , My Mom didn’t really approve of any girl I started dating , My mom would see flaws in her a mile away , basically thinking this girl is going to break my heart and betray me , When my mom saw me getting serious with a girl , she would
Literally tell the girl , Do not hurt my son’s feelings , basically saying I will kick you ass of you do lol So it’s going to take some time for his Mom to fully accept you , she doesn’t trust you yet

[AMS700CX4u2]

All mothers tend to live vicariously through their son. Especially if Dad failed to live up to her expectations. It is usually most evident in a Son's late teens. It is as though females are expected to have no attraction to him and vise versa. Females have derailed many mother's plans. My father told me to move a least 110 miles away from home when I got married. Make your own decisions and live with the consequences. You and your mate need to work out the problems. No maternal help from either side. Pop said I would get his opinion and help if I asked for it but not without request. You are being treated with disdain because you are viewed as a threat.

[Sasha0426]

Her parents brought her up to think she’s all that and a bag of chips just like them. Yeah, she’s an adult and she’s responsible for how she acts but, unfortunately, that’s engraved into her mind. She has this fantasy that her son will meet a woman that she sees on TV or in those romance movies. Now she’s upset her fantasy didn’t come true. In other words, she’s a selfish bitch that only cares about herself. I’m glad your boyfriend accepts you for who you are and I hope he continues to do so and never let you go.

[peedy]

Who knows maybe she feels your not part of the family and its not your business and maybe she's right your not married yet and haven't put in the time and effort into the family you may someday and by than she may or may not come around
Learned a long time ago dont worry about the in-laws they're going to do what they do and your not going to change them so stop fighting against them its not woth it sit back watch listen and learn pay attention but don't put any opinion just wait till they feel you have a right to give an opinion, and just don't let it bother you if she sees thst it does than she knows she got you if she excludes you go ok its not my business and walk away your boyfriend will fill you in give your opinion to him and let him speak for both of you till the day comes when you are allowed in the secret meeting

[abedheadstory]

It sounds like to me your boyfriend's mom is a total cunt bag full of potato chips. The analogy here is that like potato chips, she may seem like a delicious treat at first, but in reality, she's full of empty calories and not worth the time and effort.

[Agirlinneedhelp]

Some women are really protective of their sons it can be very unhealthy too! I think that this is an issue for the boyfriend to figure out with his mother away from you. He should be able to see that his mother is being mean to his girlfriend without a reason and talk it out with her.

Have you even mentioned it to your boyfriend?

[_Maya_]

Do you have reason to believe from the messages it was flirting or was it just work talk? If it is just work talk, don't even sweat it. They might be just good work friends. It is okay that they are. Does he not have other friends that are girls? Remember that he is with you and not her.

[Anonymous]

Just ignore it. As long as she doesn't disrespect you to your face or in front of your kids. Also important that you don't let her destroy your marriage.

What bugs my mother in law is that she can't get a reaction out of me no matter what.

[KateDemee]

Hey

I can totally relate unfortunately! I don't have the answer as to why but my bfs mom ignores me totally too and I feel it's so rude and frustrating but she very much ignores me but I have no idea why. She doesn't do it all the time but still quite often

[Anonymous]

What sort of past do you have? She may see what men miss or sense something. Are you proud of your past? we all give of aura and I remember times where the boyfriend of other women couldn't even look me in the eye because they knew I see right through them...

[AɴᴋᴀʀᴀBᴇʏᴇғᴇɴᴅɪꜱɪ]

In that case, the other party has to do something. After all, I won't be married to his mother, but I never want to be worn out about it. I have no patience. She sees it like her daughter, she falls on me too much, I can handle it, I take it from the bottom, I don't break it, but if she treats me crazy, she can't come to my house or anything, I put a serious distance

[AustinMan]

Good Strzok as some great answers. Hopefully your boyfriend can help you get past whatever the issue (s) are.

My daughter called my ex's mom her Evil Grandmother.

[Fireguy17]

there could be a couple of reasons.
If he is sort of a Mama's boy then you are stealing him away from her, and no one will ever be good enough for him but her.
Or, she sees something in you that she doesn't like.

[Anonymous]

TLDR; BUT here's something your puny little mind never comprehended your boyfriend's mom doesn't include you in family chat because (WAIT FOR IT) YOU'RE NOT FAMILY you're not a part of their family!!! Is any of this sinking in? Is any of this ringing any bells in that tiny little head of yours?

[strateguy632]

probably not a personal judgement, just she thinks "only the best for my son", means something else than you.

[molonski2]

You are over thinking it in my view , just keep posting , being polite , giver her time , its not a long time as yet.

[provokeesmokee]

Sounds like his mother is projecting her insecurities on you.

Ngl, I'd go NC with her or break up if I'm not sold on this guy.

[Sasha0426]

She’s one of those moms who is in love with her son and can’t take the fact there’s another woman in his life.