Sex before becoming exclusive?

[smokeandmirrors]

So I've been on a series of dates with this guy for a while and we had great chemistry and things were going well. I'm a straightforward person and I don't like to waste time so on our most recent date I asked him if maybe we should be exclusive, and be a couple since we see each other so much and really like each other. He said he was thinking about it as well but on one condition: we had to have sex before we become boyfriend and girlfriend so he can tell whether or not we're sexually compatible. He said he has a really high sex drive and sexual chemistry is one of the predominant factors in how he chooses his relationships. I didn't even know what to say back to him. Why would he say something like that? I think I know what's going on here but I would like to hear input from others.

[Deeplove55]

OMG, girl. Do not fall for it. He is running a game on you and hopes you fall for it. the writing is on the wall what he wants. JUST SEX. He doesn't have to have sex with you first to see if yall are sexually compatible that's the lamest lie I ever heard. He sees you want somethin more and serious and doesn't really want that instaed wants to make you think yall have to have sex first so he can get it and go fast cause he obvoisly doent want anything serious with you. he wants to try you out now. He is saying anything you want to hear to get you in bed. Listen to your first instinct its never wrong. if a guy really likes you and cares about you and respect u, he will wait no matter what. Don't let him dictate when yall should have sex in order to have a serious realtionship after. No one does that and he is sayin that to see if you will do it. then he gets it and he's gone. think of how hurt you will be. Don't do it and if he says he loves you and that's why you should, that's more game and a way to make you feel guilty. talk to him about this and tell him that you dotn want to have sex til you all are in a relationship callin each other bf/gf. that what he said is bs. if he argues about it, you already know for sure what his whole intentions were with you. Good luck!

[thelittlethings]

I wouldn't do it. If it was something that just happened then sure, that's fine. But for him to demand it before becoming exclusive is ridiculous and a lilttle rude. Besides that, if the sex is such a big deal then you could become exclusive and if he isn't satisfied then he could break things off. That's how relationships work, you go in not really knowing with the option to end it if there is something you don't like. You don't get to know everything about a person until you are in a relationship, and sometimes one of the sides people don't show up front is sex.

[Anonymous]

I never have sex with a guy before becoming exclusive. That way you have a better way of knowing him and the ones who just want that "thang" get gone. I can't believe he said that to you, he's trying to play you! If he really wanted to be your man he wouldn't mind waiting. If he doesn't wanna be with you based on sexual compatibility then he is making it clear that's mostly what he wants from you.

[MaxPrime]

lol hmmm...so some times we guys make mistakes when trying to be practical but not romantic. He's coming from a straightforward place too...just from a different perspective. It's really up to you, you have to weigh the pros and cons. Ask yourself "Did I want to sleep with him anyway?" And he forgot the "hidden golden rule"...The best way to have sex with a girl...is to not want it. lol Also what signs does he show that he likes you? Does he take you out or does he just compliment you the whole time. It's what we do, not what we say that should show our true feelings.

[smokeandmirrors]

I know he's just trying to run game on me, but I really like him so I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt here. I did want to sleep with him eventually but only if I was in a committed relationship with him. He does compliment me a lot now that you mention it. What does that mean?

[MaxPrime]

If you wanted to wait then don't do it. In the end he should be thinking about YOU not your vagina. Again he's coming from a perspective where most of us guys understand, but let him know "kindly" that you would like to take your time on such matters. You as a girl want it to "just happen" and not be this obvious timely operation...I understand...let's just hope he does too. good luck

[Atomizer]

My guess:

This guy is playing you.

If you agree to sleep with him before becoming exclusive, my guess is that he'll never stick around to be exclusive, or that he'll bail out very quickly.

There's no way he can determine sexual compatibility if he sleeps with you once or twice. That's b.s. The parts are all compatible anyway. It takes months with a new partner to learn turn-ons and turn offs, preferences, etc., and to get truly comfortable with each other.

He's playing you.

[smokeandmirrors]

That's very true. I didn't even think about it that way. Damn you men and your penises! LOL

[ScubaDate]

Hahaha, man that was a bold move! Guys want SEX! Duh! Sexual chemistry? I gotta say I have never heard that line before. If you do the dirty with him, then he will cut you loose faster. If you make him wait a while longer, it'll work out better. Guys like a challenge. The easier he gets what he wants, the quicker he will cut you loose.

My blog: link

[regular-guy]

Wow, he may be a nice guy, but extremely superficial and mixed up in his priorities as well. Sexual compatibility is important, but certainly is not the most important factor in a relationship, and it certainly is not a strong foundation for a long-term relationship. Based on the priorities he sets up for choosing his relationships, I think he has the cart before the horse and really isn't committed to the meat and potatoes of what a relationship is about, just the dessert.

[regular-guy]

Re your last update: He is not being a little too honest. He is playing you or is just a player. Some of guys who say they couldn't be with somebody they had crappy sex with, or they need to know before hand, are self-admitted players. If he likes your for you he will stick around if you wait until you are actually in a committed relationship.

[Atomizer]

"Do you think he'll bail if I tell him I don't want to sleep with him yet?"

Possibly. But this is a good test. If he bails, his behavior will prove that sex is the most important thing to him. if he sticks around, he's willing to invest some time in a more substantial relationship.

[l-hedoniste]

I think he was telling it straight. I wouldn't have picked the same words he did, but I'm right with him--I can't seriously date a woman I have crap sex with.

He might not bail if you don't sleep with him--especially if you make it clear that you want him around--but he definitely won't commit.

[lolfreddy]

He's playing you.

He doesn't have his priorities straight and if he cared for you that much he wouldn't subject you to such terms.

I wouldn't do it hun. :(

[RebeccaSJ]

Hubby and I did it on our first date.

[SixFootSexy]

How good was it?

[Nark13]

Everyone wants to have sex. You want to have sex he wants to have sex everyone on here likes sex. It's incredible. So I think he just wants to have sex. Doesn't mean he doesn't care about you.

[DanMcfly]

You can test drive cars, why not other people. You have to know if it's a good fit