When I think about her I feel...just kind of empty. Opinions please? I could use help

Say anything, criticism, support, questions, ideas, opinions...just need to get this out of my system.

I'd been seeing this girl for about 8 months now, Chloe. We're both pretty...I dunno, hot-blooded? We both have insane tempers, but also really passionate in other areas. In just about every area. We spent 4 hours debating if you could taste a color. Anyway...

We had a big argument about a week ago, properly massive. Can't remember what it was about, but it went on for hours. It came close to physical violence, until I warned that I WOULD hit back if she went for me. It ended with us basically slagging one another off, and she really got me. I used to joke that I would never expect anyone to love me, cause I can be pretty abrasive if I'm not concentrating on NOT being so. Anyway, she really lost it at the end of this argument, and she just let loose. Something like "I mean for f***'s sake, look at yourself. You're smart, funny, good-looking...hell, women throw themselves at you. And you ruin it all by not giving in. You wouldn't allow anyone to actually like you because your head is so screwed up I'm surprised you can get out of bed in the morning. You said that no-ones gonna love you? How the f*** is anyone supposed to, when you're like a big f***ing block of granite! you really think anyone COULD love you?"

Now, we'd said "I love you" to one another after about 3 months, and this was HUGE for me. I barely heard that from my parents let alone someone else, so this was like a gold at the Olympics while winning a Nobel prize. So to hear this...I guess I freaked.

I just felt my face just go completely rigid, like some kind of mask, and I know it must have looked bad because she just went completely white, eyes really wide. People say I can look like a statue when I want to, complete lack of emotion, and I'd guess it was like that. I just remember saying "You used to say that you did." She was almost crying now, just from that, and I just turned and walked out. I didn't want to hurt her or anything, it just felt like someone had tipped anesthetic into me. Just felt numb all over. I think my reaction made it pretty clear we were over, I've never been so cold with her, and she knows exactly what it means when I get that way.

After that I went out to a bar, sat and drank. Must have been there for hours, cause they eventually kicked me out. Got into a fight, don't know why, and I just remember hitting this guy again and again and not caring what the hell happened. I damaged him quite badly, I think in the end I just had him in a lock punching him in the face, right hand, again and again, same motion every time. Not so much a fight as methodical destruction. Like splitting logs.

When I think about her I feel...just kind of empty. Never felt this way before, and it's getting weird. Nothing seems like fun, I'm not tasting stuff properly...physically I'm fine, just my senses seem dulled. still can't feel properly, touch-wise.
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+1 y
this is cause I ran out of space:


cut my hand yesterday, didn't actually feel it till it started dripping blood on my shirt. I know this sounds really melodramatic, but this whole "emotionally open" thing is still kinda new to me, so I could use any input.


(I also promise none of your words will end up in stupid poems or sappy homemade songs. cross my heart and hope like hell not to die soon)
When I think about her I feel...just kind of empty. Opinions please? I could use help
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