I wasn't a very good girlfriend, was I?

My boyfriend was the type of guy that was very laid back, and very much so into pleasing me and making me happy the best way he could. He focused his attention on me when he had it undivided. Really a sweet gentleman. Due to my low self confidence/esteem, I kept thinking he was an ass because I would get mad if we couldn't do things right then and there. He was all about patience when it came to my emotional walls and the time we had long distance. He encouraged me to do well, and not worry about us while I was away, and use the summertime as our ideal time together.

I kept getting upset because I would blow my own life to go see him and he didn't want that. I thought he was rejecting me, and getting defensive mostly because of that. He was overworked and asked if I could be understanding about him being tired and such, and I kept fussing at him. But he never once fussed about me. He loved me. I kept getting angry and going back and forth as to what to do because everyone was telling me he was a jerk and I started to believe it. All the while, I couldn't keep myself in control. My grades dropped, I wasn't studying etc. He helped me in any way he could when I asked him or if he was by my side. Anyway, I flipped when I gave him a lot of space during the last two weeks and said not to worry- we have exams. When I came back, I didn't even give it a chance and broke up with him. My over analyzing mind had won again. He was furious. And deleted me from everything. He was already annoyed I kept asking him for time he couldn't give, but was saving for our future, and I blew it. He wants nothing to do with me now. And after a month of no contact, I feel like an immature bitch. I wasn't working with him at all. He gave me everything he could reasonably, and I kept demanding more things from him, and if he couldn't, then I would basically punish him! Wtf?!

I've had to take a hard look at myself, and I'm appalled that I treated someone like that. I... don't know what to say. I want to just go over to him and spill how stupid I was, honestly. It's not that easy. I'm getting therapy and with the help of my parents, I'm learning to grow the f*** up. He says he doesn't want me anymore, but all I ever wanted was to be with him and let my walls down. So why did I shut him down instead of shutting up and just loving him?
I wasn't a very good girlfriend, was I?
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