Unable to get over the past hurt.

Hi, OK so this is a long story and I will give you as much detail as possible. about 10 months ago I met a girl and I fell head over heels with her. I absolutely did everything in my power to win this girl over because she showed interest first (asked me out to get coffee). We started hanging out every now and then at her place watching movies etc and it was awesome. All we did was cuddle but I noticed that she would always have to leave later at night to "pick up her friend from work" but I ignored the obvious red flag because I was too infatuated with this girl. She had my heart. I would visit her often at work and bring her lunch and try to cheer her up when she was sad all that fluffy stuff. Still I felt like there was something between us no matter how hard I tried she always kept me at a distance. So spring break came and I took her to a one of her favorite teams sporting events. It couldn't have gone more right but grant it I didn't kiss her because I started to get the feeling she was seeing someone and I didn't want to intrude I guess. but it wasn't until the one day she had me over and her other girlfriend that I just left early I felt that I wasn't getting anywhere and she was just stringing me on. I told her how I felt about her yet she kept me at a distance I just wanted to love her. So after that day we ended up talking about something she wanted to tell me. Turns out she has a bf...and I told her at that point that I just wanted to be friends it would have been OK with me just tell me now that you want to be just friends and she told me that she couldn't be just friends with me yet for 5 months she stayed just friends over and over again. We would hang out and she would just keep leading me on like a fool. I would ask her does she really love this guy and she would respond to me when you know you know and I love you but I love him more. I just didn't understand she broke my heart and I tried to move on yet she always kept me around and dragging me on this heartbreak roller coaster. She would talk to me about problems in her relationship or what was awesome in her relationship. It absolutely killed me I just wanted to move on from her but towards the end of her relationship with this other guy she saw it was going bad and she started to tell me and then they broke up. She ended up coming to me and of course I welcomed her with open arms but I was so scared of getting hurt again and I told her we were taking things too fast. I told her that I wasn't sure if I could ever get over her breaking my heart and all the pain and trust issues but I told her I am willing to give it a chance...a chance that I might let go of the past pain and be able to forget what happened for 8 months constant heart break and mind games. So we start dating, and I don't skip a beat I constantly spend all my free time with her I am in love but I'm scared and guarded in the process I don't want to get hurt again and the same things she told me about her previous boyfriend she is

telling me at the moment and I don't know what to think what so ever. I told her I wasn't fully committed because of what happened and I was trying to get over it and she told me she understands but every week she would cry and tell me I am not committed and its like I don't love her fully and I don't say the things she needs to here and give her no sense of security...we kept resolving it but I had this feeling of hurt that just wasn't going away it lingered and I didn't know how to get rid of it.
when I was with her it wasn't there as much as I was gone the feeling absolutely ate away at me. I was trying my best to show her how I loved her the best I could till another time after maybe the most awesome day of our relationship she started to cry about this same thing. This didn't help because it didn't help me forget that I am not fully committed because of the past but it just
made my doubts and bad feelings linger longer. So we broke up...i was tired of trying the feeling ate away at me and it was too much to handle day in and day out too much emotional strain I didn't know what to do anymore how to get rid of it. So we broke up I have so many feelings and love for her but I knew that feeling


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think that she's confused and she broke up and started dating you too soon after the break up with the other guy. I definitely think she cared for you immensely, and yes, she hurt you without a doubt. She shouldn't have stringed you along like that but she obviously seemed very unhappy in her relationship so she turned to you and found something that her now ex wasn't offering. But the more she turned to u, the more you fell for her and the more she hurt u. It isn't fair, I know. I've been there and once, I'm ashamed to admit, I've even done that. But you shouldn't let this affect all your relationships that you may have in the future. There are going to be with many different women so each will bring a new fresh aspect to the relationship and some may have similarities bt just enjoy the journey rather than think about the destination and where it's going to end up. Go with the flow. If you still want her in your life, just at the moment, take a break from all of it and when you feel strong enough to welcome her back, do so. But REMAIN ONLY FRIENDS. That way you two can build the trust foundation all over again and that pain and hurt that you feel will slowly disappear. I am sure that she didn't intend on hurting you the way she may have. So learn to forgive her because forgiveness is the one thing necessary to move on.

    • Thank you. Yes indeed that is what I am trying to do just give some space and try to get over things. You make some great points here and I totally can do the just friends thing but I don't want to have her believe we may end up together I don't want to do the same thing she did to me to her. I care about her so much still.

    • You're very welcome! :) Maybe you should try telling her that? I mean, what could hurt right? Leave it to her to make the decision on whether or not she can handle being just friends with her. tell her how you feel and what you want to happen between you two- clearly- and just leave it up to her. At the end of the day, you need to do what's best for the both of you two. What you believe is best for you two. And whatever you do, DON'T do anything that leads her on to thinking she can be more than friends.

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What Girls Said 2

  • get over her.

  • Whoa, sorry that you are going through so much pain! These things are not easy to get over. Everyone goes through a painful ending to a relationship. We've been there.


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