No longer in love...feeling numb

I'd been so in love with my boyfriend for so long. We live hundreds of miles apart. Despite our ages (I'll be 42 today) he is 40, he never seemed to take us seriously enough to discuss a real future.

I stayed by his side for what will be 3 years next month. He often told me he loved me but I said it & felt it from the start. His life has changed alot, he's completed tech school and got a job, met people, and now returned to the small town he left when his journey began.

He is there now with his family & friends all of whom have lives and love of their own. He text last night that he misses what we had. I simply replied " I know" .

I've learned that I don't have to wait for him, I don't have to settle for his friends with benefits relationship..

The last time he text to ask " are you in the mood for some lovin?" I replied "Not exactly, we Haven't spoken much in the last couple months,

not sure what's up with us? Anyway you should probably get some rest & dream about it! lol"

He replied with "ok, I understand.".. that's IT! nothing more!?!?

He added "maybe you could tell me something sexy to dream about." I then added, Sorry nothing comes to mind.."

I don't feel guilty because the truth is I just don't have the strong love or feeling I had for him anymore.

I never thought I'd ever stop loving him like I did.

I want and deserve the best from a man, the love I gave him was the best I had. He is starting to realize that all the things he wanted & the people he thought were most important were not what mattered most.

He now calls me every day, text me daily & seems more interested in my life than he ever was. I have been enjoying my life & my child, I'm still nice to him but very brief on the phone & usually the first one to say well we'd better get off the phone now ( following much dead air) he's had plenty of opportunity to say something to me on the phone but chooses to say nothing during the long silences..)

Sadly he still hasn't found the words to say what my heart needs to hear and I fear too much time has passed for it to matter anyway.

What if anything can be done to rekindle this relationship? Do I have any reason to believe this man is ready to love me or be who I deserve? My heart is stronger now so if I had to I could walk away but I'm just not sure how to do it.

Happy St Patrick's Day!
No longer in love...feeling numb
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