Why do men have mistresses?

After almost a year, I realized I was the "other woman". I got caught up in all the fireworks and his charming ways.

I don't understand why he'd have this affair, when it seems pretty clear now that he does love his son and wife. And yet, after some special moments, he looked into my eyes and cried telling me how much he trusted me, loved me, and loved the way I made him feel.

Yet-- he hasn't even tried contacting me; its been a month after our "break up". I'm pretty sure he got caught up and this was his exit route to go back to his normal life. I am not interested in being with him (of course), but I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt. We had incredible chemistry in all ways, so it's not easy to forget.

I'm just curious as to WHY men do this. All those lies, fake "I love you's", meeting all my friends, spending quality time with me, falling asleep cuddling and holding hands... When we'd go out, he'd brag to strangers about what an amazing woman I am & how much he loves me.

If you want more sex, don't start a new relationship. Just go find sex. But it was obvious he wasn't JUST about sex... otherwise, it wouldn't have lasted as long as it did.



Most Helpful Guy

  • Some men just aren't capable of settling down and being monogamous. They try to tell themselves and other people that they can be like that, but the reality is that they can't. Until they can be honest with themselves, they will continue to hurt themselves (and drag other people down with them).

    • Exactly, and this is what happens when a society enjoys forcing monogamy expectations on people after some time has passed. Monogamous people feel pressure to be promiscuous while they're young, and poly people feel pressure to be monogamous when they're older.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Ouu that stings just to read. Sorry to hear that girlie :(

    It's not just men tho, 9 years ago my ex-wife was cheating on me with my best friend.

    in one day lost best friend which I beat the sh*t out of, my wife, kids, house, and the shirt off my back plus all the toys I lost through a messed up divorce.

    So yeah I wonder why sometimes too.

    • That's awful. I will never understand how people could be so selfish and cheat, especially like that!

  • You fell for a trick, MOVE ON.

    • way easier said than done. We shared almost a year together and the ending was quite dramatic, involving a miscarriage...

      A lot of tears shed between the both of us-- again, easier said than done, but I am moving on.

    • Congratulations, you'll find somebody better :) When you do though don't make him pay for the way that guy behaved. Best of luck!

What Girls Said 2

  • Cheaters are master manipulators. They can use tears to gain your trust and manipulate. They are selfish and entitled, and either compartmentalize or don't in their heads. It's a form of abuse to their spouse. It isn't a gender thing because women cheat about just as much.

    I recommend you read NOT Just Friends by Dr. Shirley Glass, but do take the parts blaming the scorned spouse with a huge lump of salt. The fact that this guy cheated on his wife wasn't her fault or your fault, it was HIS fault.

    Also, some people are naturally monogamous and others are not.

    • Also, I know I say this to everyone, but because you're grieving over such a large loss, please do seek counseling. You are worth way more than how this guy treated you.

  • Some men or even women can be selfish and take others for granted.

    get yourself together and move on.

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