Why do men pull back after sleeping with a woman early on?

Why do men pull back once they've slept with a girl after a couple/few dates?

Is a test to see how the girl will react and if she reacts in a needy way they ditch them?

This happened a couple of times and wondering is it them or me?


Most Helpful Guy

  • A few reasons that come to mind are:

    1) He's passed the courting stage, and now he has to determine what kind of relationship he wants with you and how he's going to maintain that relationship. All guys have to seduce a girl, play on her emotions in the beginning, and lead her to sex. Once we have, we're not going to continue the same game. The skills to get a girl into bed a few times aren't the same as the skills needed to maintain a relationship.

    A lot of girls have unrealistic expectations of what a guy should do for her, thus they live in a fantasy world where they think a guy is going to woo her forever like she's some sort of entitled princess in a romance novel. That just ain't so. So if it takes unrealistic wooing to get you into bed, then you're likely going to feel like things have dried up once reality sets in and you're being considered for a relationship. It's your bad for not being realistic to begin with.

    2) You weren't all that interesting of a person to begin with. You might be good looking, but if all you have to keep him intrigued is your looks and sex, then he might get bored of you. The sex might be good so he plans to keep you around, but you're a boring person so he pulls back a little to keep things fresh. Getting to eager and going to fast means things are going to burn out fast.

    3) You changed after sex, got more emotional and attached to him. You're texting him all the time and you're making your life all about him now. So he's just pulling back, playing it cool and letting you chase. You're looking for commitment and while he might be considering it down the road, he's not going to jump right into things, you have to earn it. He doesn't want you to get the wrong impression that your in, doesn't want you to get too familiar with his place, and such. He wants to take it slow, keep having sex and getting to know you more and take it as it comes. When things feel right, if they do, then he'll commit then if you're not too pushy.

    4) He's just out for sexual conquests.

    5) He thought you two were incompatible, and the sex wasn't enough to keep him around either. Now he knows that for sure, and it's time to move on.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 7

  • As a guy, I think guys pull away for a couple of reasons. One is fear--fear of committment, which means marriage, which means being tied down not just to a wife and kids but to a job, a career path, etc, and a lot of guys are not ready for that. They become ready eventually, but most aren't until age 25 or so.

    The other reason is biology. Males of most species are programmed to spread the DNA around. Its a survival mechanism. It keeps the gene pool fresh, not stagnant, its healthier for the species. Its unfortunate that women and men differ so greatly on this issue, but that's the way it is. Both men and women have a tendency to wander, but men, moreso.

    For women, sex has to have a much greater emotional (love) component because biologically, reproduction is definitely a possibility. For men, sex and love do not have to go together at all. Sex for men is release of tension, the release is absolutely necessary. It can involve love but doesn't have to.

    Hope this helps ^_^

  • Nah I don't think it's ever a test, if a guy pulls back it's because of his own reasons... Sometimes he may think it's going too fast or that he has done the hard part and doesn't need to keep putting in the same amount of effort. I'm the opposite, I feel like I become a bit clingy/more emotionally attached to the person if I've slept with them.

  • You're just dating the wrong guys for you. We are not all like that!

  • Use a stronger alcohol and try a burka. Maybe you are an ugly ****?

  • That's because they already got what they wanted.

  • A guy won't pull back if the sex was good and if you're not acting clingy.

    • He could if that was all he was after couldn't he?

  • "Why do men pull back once they've slept with a girl after a couple/few dates?"

    For the same reason the dog returns its ball to the human.


What Girls Said 3

  • Because they got that they want

  • There could be a number of reasons . . . They aren't looking for anything serious so after a few dates it's time to move on. They've taken a couple dates to get to know you and it's just not what they are looking for. They liked you but after being 'easy', it takes the motivation for a relationship away. You can lose worthiness as a person with enough quality to be a partner, when you sleep with a guy too soon. You go from datable to a fun time real fast. My suggestion would be to quit sleeping with guys after only a couple of dates. Wait it out a couple months. The ones that are genuinely interested in you will stick around and the ones who only want a piece won't put in effort that long.

  • I understand completely! I lost my virginity to a man that dumped me the following day with just a text, a text that said I was too easy and he couldn't see me anymore.

    I really don't understand why men do what they do regarding sex. Sometimes, they're just done after sex. And other times, they ACT done, but then come back but act strange. And of course, there are the men who are more normal and handle it with maturity.

    None of the men I've been with have fallen into the mature category - should I hold my breath?

    It basically caused me to stop having sex altogether, which then caused me to stop dating, because men didn't want that either. It's like, for me, it's a "sh*t if I do, sh*t if I don't" situation. I really don't get it either :-\

    • Geez that first bit is awful, He said you were to easy?! Coming from him, the person who obviously had sex at the same time and just as easily... Sounds like that's all he wanted, and that he can't lie. Oh and if a guy is done and then comes back it's because he somehow thinks that since you've had sex before he can just appear again whenever he likes.

    • Show All
    • I feel exactly the same as you, your damned if you and damned if you don't. I heard if you don't give up the goods before the 3rd date men think your a waste of time! Well three dates isn't long at all, how many men are we going to make mistakes with? I'm not having sex anymore until they've asked me out, I've met the family and our status has changed on Facebook. If they don't like it they can find a girl who will put out!

    • You've met only the guys who are bad for you. We like to date, we like relationships, but when I hear situations like this where the girl gives up, it makes me wonder if that's why I can't get a gf!