If he doesn't love me after 2 years, why is he with me?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, whenever we are together things are great...I have told him that I love him plenty of times and he never says it back. We got into an argument the other day where it ended up him telling me that he doesn't love me and he now wants a "simple" relationship. I didn't speak to him for the rest of the day...he ended up coming over to see what I was doing when I responded with just keeping it "simple" he told me to shut up and give him a kiss...wtf is that supposed to mean? I'm extremely confused and upset.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Ugh :-/ This is really sh*tty of him. I don't understand that, either. Why stay with someone if you don't love them? I mean, wouldn't that mean you don't see a future with them, too? I have a good friend that has been with her boyfriend for 3 years and he just recently told her he never wants to get married or have kids...he wants to focus on a career. Well, she wants marriage and children and (obviously) had she known this sooner, she wouldn't have stayed so long. She broke up with him, then he said he missed her and didn't know what he wanted in the future, now they're back together but he's still unsure if he wants to get married someday.

    I wish I knew what to tell you, but I don't :-/ Either he has some serious issues with love and opening up, or doesn't know what he wants and stuck around to see if he'd figure it out (either reason is selfish of him).

    At this point, though I hate to say it, if he wants to keep things simple (whatever that means) after two years, I'm not sure it's fair to you to stay in the relationship.

    • I know right...like I tell him all the time that I love him, do I hold out and hope that someday he'll love me the way I love him, or do I do what you said and cut all ties. It's just hard and confusing

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    • Thank you for your advice :)

    • You're welcome : ) You'll figure it out!

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What Guys Said 2

  • Every relationship is different so it's tough to say whether or not he's wrong for not saying it by now. Possible reasons:

    1) He really does want just a "simple" relationship (whatever that is). Solution: You have to decide whether or not you can live with that.

    2) He wants out and won't speak up because he cares about you and doesn't want to break your heart. Solution: Pose the question, and tell him that if that's the case, that you're a big girl and you can handle rejection, and that prolonging something like that is only wasting both his time and yours.

    3) He's been in love in the past, and it felt different. This is possible because men don't like to throw around words like that unless they are absolutely sure they mean it. Solution: Ask him if he's been in love before. Usually you should leave past relationships in the past, but it they're preventing someone from moving forward with their life, then they need to be discussed. But he's got to be willing to talk about it with you, and you've got to decide that you're not going to get jealous hearing about it. Another solution would be to just ask him what he envisions love to be. It may help you understand him a lot better and thus help you decide what to do.

    • Well I do know he was in love with somebody before and they were engaged but it didn't work out, when she left she took everything however he tells me the breakup was mutual...I gave him an option to break it off yesterday when he said he wanted a simple relationship..I explained to him that's not what I want, yet still he comes to me, wondering what I'm doing and why I haven't spoken to him all day...requesting a kiss from me when I see him. I feel like he's sending me mixed messages

    • Sounds like two things are going on here:

      1) He refuses to lie to you (He knows that saying it would make you happy, but it wouldn't be entirely true based off of what he knows love to be).

      2) He wants to make sure you're right for each other before moving forward. Kissing you as if everything's okay is his way of telling you that he wants you in his life, but his heart may still be broken from that relationship - or maybe he's glad he dodged a bullet and is just proceeding cautiously.

  • Is he getting his need for physical affection seen to?

    If so, then a girl is better than a hand, and even a girl you're not in love with is better than no girl at all.

    • Yes...we have a great physical relationship and have for the last 2 years

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    • I guess I just don't understand, why drag on something on that you don't see a future with...the guy is 35 years old, luckily for me I'm quite a bit younger. But he's attractive and works at a bar and would have no problem picking up another chick to keep it "simple" with. Am I wrong or after a 2 year relationship all the simplicity is gone...sh*t is real now

    • Anyways I'm rambling but thank you for your insight.

What Girls Said 2

  • I was in a similar situation to you a few months ago. I had dated this guy for over 2 years, and I loved him. I thought we would get married some day. However deep inside I knew that wasn't the case.

    He wasn't sure what he wanted for his future. And I patiently waited and hoped that he would come around. He told me that he was thinking of going out west to get a job and see what he wanted to do with his life. I said that was a good idea, I told him I supported him and said that I could come down too (since I would be able to get a job in my field down there).

    Well he never really made any definite plans. He never really told me when he was planning on going down, until one day he told me in 2 weeks he would be flying out. He never talked to me about how we would stay connected, or anything.

    I kept asking him questions and trying to talk to him about what was going to happen with us. I just got tired of trying to fight to be in his life, so finally, fed up, I asked him straight up if he really wanted me to come down with him. He said he didn't know.

    I knew then and there that I had to get out. You just can't stay in a relationship with a guy who doesn't see a future with you. Especially if you want a future. It's completely unfair to you and to him. You both deserve to be happy.

    I think him failing to try and communicate and work with you, proves that this relationship isn't working. I don't think it's your fault, you want to be with him. But sometimes we can't have who we want. Sometimes we have to make tough decisions. I think you need to really think about whether you can stay in this situation. Are you going to be getting what you want?

    It could really be that this guy just isn't ready right now, but that doesn't mean he will never be. But it could also be that he is just not feeling that way about you. We all know those girls who date a guy forever, and then break up with the guy because he's just not that into them. Then 5 months later he's married to some other girl.

    You have to do what's best for you. Think about how you feel, I know it's a hard position to be in (I was in this position a few months ago). Love is really hard, but you do deserve to be happy.

  • well he's saying it in an immature way, but you don't have to love someone to be with them, of course you dont. people are in relationships for all sorts of reasons. love, or seeing a future are only two, and not universal.

    if you want a serious relationship, and he doesn't, break up. no point being with him if you want a future and he doesn't.

    the question is not why is he with you, he's with you because he gets something out of it. he's not the one who has a problem with what he wants--you do.

    the question is why are you with him, if what you want is not what he can give?

    a;so he should have told you from the beginning he wanted a simple relationship. its not wrong to want that but he's a selfish disrespectful coward-for not saying anything while you're telling him you love him.

    dump him. asap.

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