Her boyfriend told me that I was hot and it made me happy inside knowing he thought I WAS hot.

I don't really know how to begin. [this is going to be very random, but I'm just going to type out what I'm thinking] Sometimes I feel like I need to see a psychiatrist for the past that I have been through, but other times I tell myself that I'm over reacting about everything and that I'm just being a big baby. Okay, when I was younger I was molested by my uncle[ I never really told anybody about this] I never really grew up with any close friends and when I actually had a best friend in eighth grade it seemed like everything was perfect but then a close friend of ours began to start drama with everybody because I had 'stolen' her best friend I was going out with a boy at the time and he seemed amazing but he was always talking and flirting with girls long story short I ended up bruising myself on purpose because it made me feel better, a lot better I cried about everything that's gone wrong but I always tell myself that others are going through a lot worse then I am. sometimes I think and DO believe I have split personality, but I don't know, you know? Whenever I get bored I masterbate or imagine myself having sex with a random stranger on the street it's gotten to the point where I used to do it at least 5-6 times a day. I always catch myself drooling over alcohol and drugs, but I always tell myself that I can't do that because it's against what I believe I'm afraid to go any further because I feel like people are going to judge me for what' I'm saying and thinking all of the time. I think about sex A LOT even and when I tell myself not to it doesn't help at all in other words it gets worse. I look at people and imagine myself with the,m...weird? I get very defensive when people say something, I'm really sensitive of the things people tell me. sometimes I think and fell like I have BPD, but I don't think so I don't know. A lot of my friends bug me and sometimes I just want them all to leave me alone and let me think about things..i think about really weird things I try to draw them out but I end up failing .people have told me that I hm a great artist, but I tell them that I don't believe it.. but inside I tell my self that my work is pretty legit. my boyfriend of 3 years now constantly puts me down and I hate him but I could never imagine myself without him.. whenever I think about US having sex it kind of sickens me, and rarely turns me on. Sometimes I feel as if I'm a porn addict and can't control it. but I've been working on it. When people laugh at things it kind of makes me mad because I don't find it very funny, and sometimes I feel like my friends are only my friends because I don't have any friends. I'm almost running out of 'characters' and sometimes I just wish I had a best friend that I could talk to about anything and have sleepovers etc. my friends kind of grosses me out when she tells me about her sex stories with her boyfriend...her boyfriend told me that I was hot and it made me happy inside knowing he thought I WAS hot. I'm so messed
Her boyfriend told me that I was hot and it made me happy inside knowing he thought I WAS hot.
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