My Faith in the Hands of Doubt

There was a point in my life where I decided who I was going to be without thinking of the possibilities that could thwart the future image I had created in my mind. I didn't have much friends to start with and as the church became a major part of my life, my personal haven- those friends became non-existent.

My Faith in the Hands of Doubt

My family disapproved greatly of the path I had chosen to take and soon I had to sneak out of the house to go to church. When my mother realised that hadn't work my clothes were her next target. She refused to buy any and what I did have looked so small that I'd have been the laughing stock in public.

That was the first hit to my bullet proof armor.

I continued to go occasionally when I could. I still prayed, I still read the bible and more importantly I knew the God I served was there with me, forgiving and listening when I felt the world was on my shoulders.

My grandmother died shortly after. Another hit to the bullet proof armor. I asked why. How could he let me suffer the heart break of losing one of the most important persons in my life? After all, I was faithful, always doing right by everyone even when they deserved less.

My Faith in the Hands of Doubt

Was it all for nothing?

Highschool was another hit. Those people had zero interest in the bible and to fit in cost me who I was and what I believed in.

Then Doubt came knocking out what was left of that once bullet proof armor. Without that shield, I was accosted with the pleasures that sin allowed. Lying for instance became so regular on my tongue that it could often be mistaken for the truth.

My Faith in the Hands of Doubt

As I continued further in the dark abyss of uncertainty, my love for the church died along with the girl I was once was. Praying became rare and that image I once saw became dead.

Was God even listening to me anymore, was he still there? Was there even a God? These questions came one after the other. I avoided the answers, hoping that he was still there. Ready to catch me if I fell too deep without any thought of getting out.

No angel appeared to save me from the self destructive path I was on. No wisemen, no rainbows...just me.

Just the girl who was trying to salvage what was left of the faith she once had. Maybe I still am that girl. Hoping that I'll find myself before it's too late.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'll be praying for you. And I have two or three pieces of encouragement for you. If you read the book of Job you'll see something very clear... God tests His people. He doesn't do this to see whether or not we are going to remain faithful but so He can build us up and sanctify us.

    1 Thessalonians 4:3a "For this is the will of God, your sanctification."

    Why would a good and loving God put you through something as painful as losing your grandmother? I don't know, but I know it's for your good and His eternal glory.

    James 1:2-4
    "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing"

    And finally the fact of the matter is... the most people will find the Bible illogical and distainful.

    This is talked about in 1 Corinthians 1:18-31

    "For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written,

    “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise,
    and the discernment of the discerning I will thwart.”

    Where is the one who is wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since, in the wisdom of God, the world did not know God through wisdom, it pleased God through the folly of what we preach[b] to save those who believe. For Jews demand signs and Greeks seek wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.

    For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him[e] you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

    • As a final word of encouragement allow me to quote from Romans 10:9-10 as well as John 6:44

      Romans 10:9-10
      "Because if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead YOU WILL BE SAVED."

      John 6:44 "All that the father gives me shall come to me; and whoever comes to me I will NEVER cast out."

      Like I said I'll be praying for you. God bless friend. Feel free to message me at any point. I'll try to be available talk or listen.

Most Helpful Girl

  • God is still listening. God is always listening. Even if it doesn't feel like it. I know that feeling very well. But the best thing you can do, even if it feels like there's not point, is to keep praying.

    God may not send an angel or a miracle to help you, but that doesn't mean he's not there. He's waiting for you to come back to Him. He wants you to trust in him. He's always there to catch you. Sometimes he just works in ways that we can't see, ways that remain a mystery until much later.

    It's hard to trust when it feels like everything is going wrong. I know from personal experience how hard it is to try and gather up the pieces of your faith in the middle of doubt. But no matter how hard it gets, all we can do is keep trying, keep praying.

    Depending what kind of person you are, it may be helpful to find someone to talk to. Someone from church who you can tell about your struggles with doubt, someone you can ask to pray for you and with you when it feels too hard to pray yourself.

    I hope this could be helpful to you. If I can be of any assistance, please feel free to message me.


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What Guys Said 30

  • God not doing what you expect don't prove or disprove if it exists or not. If God exists, it can be different than what we expect it to be and it may not help everyone right now because of perhaps prioritizing and it being busy. The universe is huge and reaching everyone would take time. On earth alone it's 7 billion people and the universe has billions of galaxies.

    I've also written MyTakes around this topic:
    A Theist's Unorthodox View on The Problem Of Evil ↗

    Unanswered Prayers From God? - Possible Explanations Around It ↗

  • Look, been a Christian is never easy. If Jesus had it tough, what makes you think that we as his followers will have it any easier? Don't make your faith fade away, God is there for us, and Jesus also.

    If you studied the Bible remember why the world is fill with pain and rejection to God word and the ones who believes and seeks for him.

    This world is going to become a bad dream, there is a new world that is getting near.

    John 15:20
    "Remember what I told you: 'A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also":

    1 John 5: 19
    "We know that we are from God, and the whole world lies in the power of the evil one".

    1 John 2:17

    "For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh, the desires of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not from the Father but from the world. 17 The world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God remains forever".

  • Kinda stupid reasons. What, you expect your grandma to live forever?

    And just because some high schoolers reject the Bible caused you to turn away from it?

    Your conviction was weak, or rather nothing at all, but a show and deception of yourself that eventually fell off.

    • @Hispanic-Cool-Guy... is that helpful? At all? Even remotely so?

      Ephesians 4:29
      "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear"

      Job trusted God with a miraculous faith buy no less did he feel the pain of his children's deaths despite the fact that, as you've made clear, it's foolish to think someone will live forever. My friend you put too much emphasis on the will and strength of God assuming that times of hardship are simply due to weakness. That may be true but it is a weakness we all share. Until you've been tested as she has... do not assume that she is simply weak. I suspect you've had the support of the church much of your life as well as that of your family. I get the impression that she's had neither. Do not make assumptions and loudly proclaim your opinions based on them. Base what you say on scripture and you can never be at fault.

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    • @RegularTK421: Imagine if John the Baptist was preaching to this super soft generation. He will be devil in their eyes, accusing him of being hateful and bitter. Lol smh

    • @Hispanic-Cool-Guy This generation would need their safe space, and would cry to their counselors and claim that they need medication. Lmao.

  • Life can be very difficult, as it was for Joseph in the bible, sold by his brothers, and imprisoned for years for a crime he didn't commit. But he was restored in the end. Just as we all will be. This life can seem long and difficult, but it's only a short time when compared to eternity. Just remember, you aren't saved by how good you are, or by what you do. You are saved by grace. A gift. Bought and paid for at great cost, because you are of great worth.

  • Thanks for sharing your Take with GirlsAskGuys Community.

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What Girls Said 17

  • Unfortunately, I am not a believer in god. Although he may exist, I'm not saying he doesn't. I just don't believe he does. HOWEVER, I would still like to share my opinion respectfully if that's okay. I'm sorry about your lost, I truly am, losing someone that dear is heartbreaking. And high school, well everyone in high school is finding themselves and in order to do that they step away from things that tell them what to do, (Parents, Religion, and etc) and look out into the world to find who they are instead of looking inside. Everyone doubts the church and god, it's why faith is put in place. However, even if god was real that fact that free will is in place their would be hardly anything he could do to help things. He'd be merely watching it all happen because to let people live and learn they must experience life. Which is heartbreak, and pain but also the opposite. Happiness and laughter. It comes with accepting no one is really going to help you survive it all without you pushing for yourself and getting up, finding who you are and taking your life back. Others will flock to you because of this strength and power you've gotten and then more help will come. It won't be easy but it will be worth it. Much love! Take care.

  • I've never believed in any Judaic god. I was an advanced reader as a child and could understand complex materials. I decided to read the bible when I was about 7. It went against everything we're taught should be good as children. Lying, killing, enslaving, raping. No, thank you.

    Scientists have found that DNA is responsible for who is more inclined to be spiritual and look for a god for answers vs not believing. That's how humans have managed to invent over 2,000 gods and even christianity alone has over 40,000 denominations. Everyone is confused. There is no consensus.

    I'm actually genetically inclined to be spiritual, but I also am able to do serious research and know when I'm looking at a farce. That is why I am agnostic. I don't think there's a real god written down in any book. It's possible to worship without just trying to pick a god. There are no set rules that are right.

    People feel doubt when they know something is not right. That's also why christians mourn death, buckle their seat belts, go to hospitals, and generally try to stay alive as long as possible. Most people doubt. Doubt is there to protect, to guide, to help people find their way. Maybe it's redirecting you.

    As a person once said, "Christians pray to a god who is all knowing and already has a plan for everything, because they doubt his plan and hope he'll see he's wrong and change it." Prayer is useless if directed at a biblical god. It only works on a less involved god. Job prayed to god, and god reprimanded him. HE punished the Jews for it as well. He hates complaints.

  • I think you are trying to figure whether you want to be atheist or whether you want to believe in god. I understand you are sad that your grandmother died but it is god who gives life in the first place. Think about it who made the first human if you believe in Adam and Eve story. Those who believe in the evolution of monkeys becoming humans, who made the first monkey. Who made the first plant, the first bird, the first fish?
    Once I saw a video of two oceans one was green and the other blue, and there was a line where the blue ocean stopped and where the green ocean, where two oceans met but the water of two oceans did not mix. And this is a miracle because we are talking about and there was no wall to stop the water of two oceans mixing.

    We know the process of rain something we learn in geography the process of evaporation and precipitation. We know that the water from the ocean turns into water vapour when it becomes warm and then it condenses. A bit like when we boil the water on the stove, when the water become warm enough it hits the glass lid and condenses, and the glass lid represents the cloud and water that is being boiled represents the ocean. However, how it did rain when there was no ocean in the first place. Where did the water vapour come from when there was no ocean?
    And we boil water on the stove we know it is the stove that is making the water warm and is turning into water vapour but there is no stove in the ocean. How does the ocean water become warm? And as far as I know, ocean water is cold if a person was to jump in it and only hot water makes water vapour how can cold water in the ocean make water vapour.

  • Just wanted to say ur not alone. I’m in the same situation. This hit me because my grandma is still alive. I don’t what I would do. I can relate because school is tough with the people surrounding you and I am trying to salavage what is left of my faith too.

  • Jesus said this: "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will[a] have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

    Life will never be easy as christians, a lot of things will come to you to destroy your faith and you will face rejection because of Christ, even from your own family.
    You can still turn from this point. Go and look for him and you'll find Him.

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