Is it approrpiate what Im doing regarding the death of this guy?

Anonymous
I mean im doing it cause at this moment I really dont care whta other people think is too late to bring this person back to life. He is dead already and Im deeply saddned and devastasted by his loss at such young age. He was 47 sports guy and take care of himself. This guy died last Sunday during his ordinary bycling rides for exerice, He had a sudden instant heart attack and died on the scene. This guy was a guy I was attracted since the moment we both met 5 years ago during a family Easter trip. My male cousin invited this guy back then and from there we hit it off immediately, we both were single, no kids, unmarried. Though his personality was odd and private most of the time, he from his character sometimes was hard to read on so I can unde4rstand why he behave the way he behaved with me. We were not a girlfriend/boyfriend or a couple or even dating like SO. We were casual or good friends but still we manage to go out on dates a few times by ourselves and out of those 5 times, 2 we ended having sex and that was just 2 years ago. It took 3 years so we both finally ended up in bed, even if the guy wanted that much earlier in time. He was clear to me that he did not want to develop a serious relationship with me,, he wanted us to be something casual like maybe go out maybe some meal have a converstion but he wnated sex.

He told me once he was not in the age to put up with drama of being like in a relationship if we were a couple and issues and problems arise that happens between couples. He dislike all of that the reason he never wanted a serious relationship and he enjoy just being single. Even if maybe in my mind I would had wanted to have something more with the guy cause. I understood his position cause I was in a similar boat. so for me settling like a good friend was enough for me and I was happy cause that was the only way we both can get along fine.

The thing was that this attraction for this guy noone in my family knew I have I kept it as a
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secret since I met him. The only relatives who may know my attraction was the guys BFF (my cousin and his family) that is all. This is beacuse my male cousin was this guy best friend for over 29yrs My cousin even teased and joked with me with his guy from time to time. So now he is dead and Im posting "I miss you and Im so sad " phrases on social media. People will start to wonder why i posting strong feelings for "who is this guy? if we were not an item, But at this point I really dont
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care anymore what people think and they find out or guess I indeed had the hots for him or if they figure it out I liked the guy so much. At some point people or other friends will ask me "who you were referring in your social media posts taht you missed him so much and you are so sad?
If they know I liked the guy so be it..
Is it approrpiate what Im doing regarding the death of this guy?
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